Ask Me Help Desk - Still heartbroken

It's been 5 days since she shaid she wanted time off and I can't get her out of my mind. I cry in the shower, stare at her Facebook profile, wondering how I will ever get back the one I thought that was the one.
I've read love yourself stickys over and over. I've read how to find your soul mate wikis. I've listened to Grand Funk "heartbreaker" over and over.
The fact is that she was, if for only 2 months, my constant companion. I felt stronger with her. We had 5x more in common than I had with anyone else. She gave me a great reason to live. And I wanted to go on life's journey together with her. The love made me feel stronger and happier.
I've read "love yourself" stories. They have never worked for me. I'm just sad, lonely and depressed over losing the best thing to happen to me. And I'm tired of living life alone. It sucks.
I want to call her, write her, beg her back. It seems pathetic, but I've always thought one should fight for the one they love. Women want to settle down, right? Then I read this self-love stuff, and it doesn't make sense. Love yourself first. That's a given. But in this world where there a two sexes, it's natural to love the other. I'm not a selfish person.
She said all along she wants to see other people so she won't make the same mistakes again of past broken relationships.
And then after we became too close for her comfort, and she wanted one month off. She says it's not a long time in the grand sense. Now the pain of losing her makes me either want to fight with every ounce of energy to get her back or let her go forever because it's too hard to wait. I hate it.
Someone tell me, I'm sure you will, that I need to get over it. All I know is that finding your true love is very difficult, and I don't want to settle for less. I wish that I had never met her. That way I wouldn't love her and lose her. I give too much or I don't give at all. Never settle for in between.
Yeah, I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself, but if not now, then when?
Just like my Thai friend told me once: "You are like a flower on the street. Women pick you up, smell you then put you down and walk away." I hate being that flower. Just ignore me if you are not interested.
And sorry I won't reply. I'm too heartbreakingly embarrassed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

I cry in the shower, stare at her facebook profile, wondering how I will ever get back the one I thought that was the one.

Losing someone you love is painful. Crying is good, it lets you grieve over your loved one, don't feel like you should hold it in, let it all out. However, staring at her Facebook is not going to help, no matter how tempting. It'll only break your heart more. And your right, you THOUGHT she was the one, but she's not. She left you, she didn't stick around therefore she can't be the lady for you, as hard as it is to accept.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

We had 5x more in common than I had with anyone else.

Sure, you had loads in common, but there was clearly one major conflict that didn't keep you together in the end.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

I'm just sad, lonely and depressed over losing the best thing to happen to me.

It feels like she was the 'best' thing that has happened because you love her. You thought highly of her and you looked past her flaws. Remember though - Love is blind. You need to accept that she isn't the best thing for you right now. Look how she has made you feel.. Accept that she was not the only one for you / the best thing that couldve happened, because once you accept it, then you can start to move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

I want to call her, write her, beg her back.

Trust me on this one - no begging. Don't start to beg or crowd her with calls and message. It gets you nowhere. If you read a lot of the posts on here, you'll find that begging really doesn't get you anywhere. Let them know what it is like to be without you. The only way you have a possibility of 'winning them back' is to let them go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

Women want to settle down, right?

Not this women.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

Then I read this self-love stuff, and it doesn't make sense. Love yourself first. That's a given. But in this world where there a two sexes, it's natural to love the other. I'm not a selfish person.

Its not selfish. Of course, when you are with someone, you have consideration and an understanding of give and take in a relationship. But you aren't in one now. You need to put yourself first. Help you, both physically and mentally, to get better and make yourself feel happy. Surely trying to feel happy isn't selfish? You are your priority right now. Do what you can to keep it that way for now - go out, spend time with friends. Take your mind off things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

She said all along she wants to see other people so she won't make the same mistakes again of past broken relationships.

There you have it. A real reason as to why she wasn't 'the one'. Are you happy with that? The fact she wants to see what other fish are out there for her whilst you are waiting for her to call / make an appearance. It brings me back to my previous point, she is obviously putting herself first here, and there is no reason why you can't do the same to suit your needs right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

And then after we became too close for her comfort, and she wanted one month off.

She said the time she wants apart, and this means no calling, no begging, no writing. Just pure NC.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

Someone tell me, I'm sure you will, that I need to get over it.

Get over it. Or begin to help yourself get over it. Again, this means NC, and NC also includes no looking at her Facebook. You need to take your mind off her. As I said, go out or join acitivites.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

All I know is that finding your true love is very difficult, and I don't want to settle for less.

Yes it's difficult. You go through many people to find the right one, and this means heartbreaks too. It sucks, but unfortunately that's how it is the majority of the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

I wish that I had never met her. That way I wouldn't love her and lose her.

In the longrun, you'll look back at this and realise that it had good outcomes. Because:

1. You gain experience.
2. You begin to find ways of dealing with heartache. Mostly, it's the first that is the most difficult.
3. You're better off without the people it didn't work out with.
4. You realise the flaws in past relationships, and think of ways to avoid them in future relationships. This equals more mature relationships in the future.

Oh my goodness that last post was long.. sorry but I didn't read it and I also apologise if I repeat anything they said..

It's true that you must love yourself before anything. You cannot be with people to define yourself.. you need to be OK being with yourself alone, before you get with someone.. a person can't bring you happiness alone, you need to find your own happiness.

Your very thoughts of "i give everything of myself to her" is because you don't want to lose her, but in the end all your doing is pushing her away ultimatly losing her.. ironic huh? If you want a healthy relationship you be with that person to join in on your already amazing life, someone for companinoship, someone to enhance your life.. get it?

You need to figure yourself out and figure what you want and love and desire, and I'm not talking about a person, I'm talking about your passions and hobbies.. this will in turn attract healthy women, who see a confident man who knows what's important in life.

Thanks all. Just wanted I needed to read. Now I'm going to stop looking at her face on my Facebook friends.

Mate your story is my story. My ex and I did not have contact at all for almost 2 weeks after she said she needed space. Recently we have been e-mailing and talking of the phone a little. Supposedly we maybe meeting next week.

All you can do is try and be patient. It is hard and those first two weeks(the time you are alone now) is extremely painful. But you have little choice. I do not know what kind of woman you are with. I do know that if I pressure my ex it will definitely destroy any chance of rekindling anything.

Try and be patient mate. I know it is hard.

Quote:

My thinking is to leave it up to her to call me if she wants to see me again.

How did we get from acceptance in your other post, to sitting on the pity pot, now??

I have no good answer for that.
Maybe it's me holding hope out for her to reconcile with me. She told me before we broke it off that a friend went through the same thing, then a week later realized she made a mistake and reconciled with her "boyfriend." Bait for sure. Then she wrote on her Facebook account that she is restraining herself with extreme difficulty. And after I joined a Chinese Astrology group through, yet again, Facebook, (I'm a fire horse - either extremely lucky or extremely unlucky) she followed the next day by joining a Chinese Horoscope group. It's all probably a coincidence, but I think she was missing me and contacting me via Facebook news feeds about herself. So you may be impressed that I said I was signing out of Facebook on my Facebook page. I almost deleted her as a friend so I wouldn't have to see her photo that randomly pops up front and center on my profile page. But I digress.
I'm taking all advise, and just needed more reasons and words to help me move on. And realize what I did to make her go away. Thanks for the links. I've read them and realized my mistakes. I moved too fast, fell for her too fast, and told her so. Though I do not regret anything I said to her and told her just that.
I have not, and do not plan to contact her. It seems that would put her off quite a bit.
She did say that when we became intimate she went too far. That is when she and I discussed time off. First it was back to just dating, not sleeping over. We tried that, but we slept again. Then we, mostly she, made it clear she needed a month off. So we left it at that.
It is true every day away from her is becoming better. I still have a twinge of hope to get back together with her, but that is fading. Her one month off bit really just seems like a way to keep me around panting like a dog in heat. But realistically, given all I have read here and the distance from her made me see that maybe she is not the one for me after all.
Once bitten, twice shy, eh?

Thanks for explaining that so well, as sex can cloud the judgments and continued contact of any kind can confuse the real issue of healing , so you can move on.
I think the ones with patients, and who are proactive move along quicker, but its about those coping with loss skills that you will need to develop and knowing how to love yourself.

That's my advice, love yourself enough to do what's right by yourself. Enjoy who you are. Then you won't have time to sit on the pity pot.
Much luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by koyyan

It's been 5 days since she shaid she wanted time off and I can't get her out of my mind. I cry in the shower, stare at her facebook profile, wondering how I will ever get back the one I thought that was the one.
I've read love yourself stickys over and over. I've read how to find your soul mate wikis. I've listened to Grand Funk "heartbreaker" over and over.
The fact is that she was, if for only 2 months, my constant companion. I felt stronger with her. We had 5x more in common than I had with anyone else. She gave me a great reason to live. And I wanted to go on life's journey together with her. The love made me feel stronger and happier.
I've read "love yourself" stories. They have never worked for me. I'm just sad, lonely and depressed over losing the best thing to happen to me. And I'm tired of living life alone. It sucks.
I want to call her, write her, beg her back. It seems pathetic, but I've always thought one should fight for the one they love. Women want to settle down, right? Then I read this self-love stuff, and it doesn't make sense. Love yourself first. That's a given. But in this world where there a two sexes, it's natural to love the other. I'm not a selfish person.
She said all along she wants to see other people so she won't make the same mistakes again of past broken relationships.
And then after we became too close for her comfort, and she wanted one month off. She says it's not a long time in the grand sense. Now the pain of losing her makes me either want to fight with every ounce of energy to get her back or let her go forever because it's too hard to wait. I hate it.
Someone tell me, I'm sure you will, that I need to get over it. All I know is that finding your true love is very difficult, and I don't want to settle for less. I wish that I had never met her. That way I wouldn't love her and lose her. I give too much or I don't give at all. Never settle for in between.
Yeah, I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself, but if not now, then when?
Just like my Thai friend told me once: "You are like a flower on the street. Women pick you up, smell you then put you down and walk away." I hate being that flower. Just ignore me if you are not interested.
And sorry I won't reply. I'm too heartbreakingly embarrassed.

I now exactly how you feel
Stay strong, they say, its harder than one can do
))))Hug(((((