Ask Me Help Desk - Don't know what to do

Me and my ex were together for about 3 years, and broke up about 5 months ago. We were so happy together, she was always telling me this was the happiest she had ever been in a relationship. We were best friends. Towards the end of our relationship we stopped communicating well, both of us were becoming frustrated by stupid little things and they were atartin to add up. Both of us are pretty stubborn people. She had enough of it at one point and ended it. After about a week apart we started seeing a lot of each other again/sleepin over etc. Because of her work she was out of town for about 3 weeks at a time over the next 4 months. Each time we would message but not talk, and set up things to do once she was back, but each time she said we need time apart. The first couple times I tried to give to her, but id call/text and we'd end up doing coffe/movies etc together. We were even out together a few times but with alcohol it would always end bad.. I wasn't giving her space. The last time she went away.. I didn't message much, she said she wanted some more space to heal and that we shouldnr talk or message or see each other for bit. I did NC for couple of weeks. We ran into each other at work function, did our own things, exchanged some pleasantries. At this point I've kind of started to come to terms with fact there's good chance she isn't coming back, so I've been working on my own , being better etc over last couple months really, esp last couple weeks. Finally other day I teext to get friendly coffe, was tired of thinking what ifs and just wanted straight up honesty (thiink she's been going easy on me, but id prefer her to be straight really) She was hour or so out of town, said she get hold of me when back. Later that night she text saying she back and what wanted to do, but that point it was late and I was windin down before work. We text back and forth few times saying it was late but we could each go either way/were easy either way. Finally she said was late she didn't want to have rushed meeting so do another day.. I told her to let me know when it would work and we did the old gnights/etc. Now I'll wait.. but not sure what all this means.. is she just being nice, should I just avoid her/forget the coffee for while, does this mean some interest is still there? Some advice would be appreciated..
Thanks so much.

Sorry.. just to correct, the times we were out, were times out at bars or parties with bigger groups of common friends, earlier in break up..

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does this mean some interest is still there?

Maybe as friends , but not enough, I'm afraid, for what you want. You run the risk of being crushed, if she has an interest with someone else, so I think backing away, and letting go, so you can get over this failed relationship, is the better course of action.

We all can make the mistake of having false hope, just because we are still talking to our exes.

Some of my exes have wound up being my best friends. For some, it took weeks, months, and even years.. but we all grow up and mature and then the 'incompatible' list of things were just not as important as the friendship we had before things got complicated.
Whether we keep hopes or not, is under our control - but that's something we cannot control in others. When that 'special feeling' is no longer there, but everything else is still good - there is no reason in the world to make ourselves more miserable by breaking totally and missing the uncomplicated good times.

This life is too short to drop people out of life because they did not feel exactly the same way - that's what makes us unique. And if you can cope with being friends - maybe for life - that's better than being lovers for just a few fleeting months or years and not finding friendship like that again.

So, let's all get real hear. You will find someone you will be able to share more with, and so will she, but friendship does not come easy when you have a history together and can enjoy the simpler things. Save the heartwarming, caring and life-planning for a more imtimate person to share the rest of your life with.

Reality is hard and can be good or bad, depending on how you can cope and grow with it. False hope only complicates things.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

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Thanks guys,
Problem is we were in contact before your replies were in.. And we supposed to be doing coffee tomorrow.. kind of regrettin it.. but what can you do now.
She's run into several friends of mine in the last little bit.. always making point to ask about me and stuff.. but she's nice and probably just being that.. Pretty positive she not seeing anyone.. almost 100%, our circles still pretty close, and she wouldn't have agreed to coffe if that were case. But I've already visualized the possibility and am all right with it.
I think imma just be me.. not ask tough questions or put her on the spot.. just let it be.. but try to get idea where we stand. I'll most definitely end up working with her or in same area as her in near future and it would be just ridiculous if we aren't able to get better idea of where this is going.. or at least if I can't get better idea, I know she probably knows, but probably too nice to say.. Are my hopes up.. well seeing each other will do that.. but at least I hope I'm prepped for worst case. Anything I should avoid.. beside this whole meeting?

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Anything I should avoid.. beside this whole meeting?

As Chery has pointed out, just because an ex is nice, don't give in to false hope, it will cloud your reality, and keep you from seeing the truth of the matter.

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Originally Posted by quiteunsure

Thanks guys,
Problem is we were in contact before your replies were in.. and we supposed to be doin coffee tomorow.. kinda regrettin it.. but what can you do now.
She's run into several friends of mine in the last little bit.. always makin point to ask bout me n stuff.. but shes nice n prolly just bein that.. Pretty positive she not seein anyone.. almost 100%, our circles still pretty close, and she wouldn't have agreed to coffe if that were case. But ive already visualized the possibility and am alright with it.
I think imma just be me.. not ask tough questions or put her on the spot.. just let it be.. but try to get idea where we stand. I'll most definately end up workin with her or in same area as her in near future and it would be just ridiculous if we aren't able to get better idea of where this is goin.. or at least if i can't get better idea, i know she prolly knows, but prolly too nice to say.. Are my hopes up.. well seein each other will do that.. but at least i hope im prepped for worst case. Anythin I should avoid.. beside this whole meeting??

I've said most all of it in Post #4. Just going to add that you should psych yourself up to looking for a new relationship OUTSIDE of the workplace and accept the rejection of intimacy from your friend - you tried it, it did not work, so go with it and let her live her life and you work on your's. There is no shame in being rejected and it will probably happen more than once in your life - you are human - and it's all a part of our lives. We cope, learn to grow from it and it really helps in our future choices and how we act in new relationships.

So, again, good luck.

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Hey,
So we had a late coffe/snack.. it was good to catch up, was totally relaxed, nice conversation.. we were both "on", laughing and taking jabs at each other just having good time. Went for bit of walk after.. then talked about stuff.. she asked where I was.. I explained myself.. told her about new perspective on things but feelins were same as before.. wed talked bit about some of the reasons behind few of problematic things from our relationship, but nothing negative and not overly emotional or enythin.. she was actually happy to hear lots of the stuff. She mentioned that she still thinks it was right choice for us, but she would still like to be friends.. if it were possible.. I just told her I'd like to but unsure if that would realistically be doable at this time.. She wanted to leave it to me to call her if I wanted to be friends and do something, but I suggested it be left to her... I wasn't actually that upset about whole thing, expected as much. Now the thing is I think it would be good to be friends.. not sure how it'll work though.. tempted to get a hold of her and just talk about it.. boundaries and all, but maybe should just let her know that friends thing would work and just leave it to her? I want to be careful not to get wrapped up in something that will just be difficult, but feels somewhat at peace with the ways things are.. and I think we both just want to be able to talk and laugh about stuff again without all the other issues. Advice? And thanks for all the goods you guys have given up so far.