At the beginning of our relationship I really didn't know she has never had an orgasm with another man before. So we discussed it a few times. She told me that she can orgasm by masturbating. So I have performed oral sex and long lasting sex with her and she still has not had an orgasm with me. I have always been sexually attracted to her but after nine months I feel that sexual attraction leaving and hard to even get excited enough to get it up. I love the girl to death but its almost ruining out relationship. One time she wanted to have sex with me and I was 3/4 of the way excited and then the thoughts of her not even getting excited started to run through my head and I totally lost my concentration, maybe because the please for the girl means as much to me as my personal pleasure does. After that happened she told me that she feels Humiliated and I felt so bad. But she can't even get wet enough for me to get started. The last time we actually did it we had to use KY or even though I was excited I would have never been able to get it in. If any and I mean Anyone has some advise I sure could use it as I don't want to loose this girl but obviously something sexually just isn't clicking like it use to.

When my wife first had my daughter she couldn't get wet enough for us to do anything but we would break out the KY and go to town. The wetness finally returned and everything is peachy. So I mean maybe she is just going through a dry spell. Try doing it in different places. Try going out on a back road or do it in a public place to turn up the heat. If that don't turn her on and get the mojo going I don't know what will. Just don't give up, stick in there and ride it out. Maybe even buy her one of those little silver magic bullet things and have her stimulate herself while your doing your thing. If she gets off that way at least she got off with you in her so that counts in my book. Good Luck Bro!!

This poor girl.. you have to give her a break man.. she probably has issues with sex, why should you let her issues become your issues? Just because she can't orgasm doesn't mean she's not having a good time.. why are you letting this bother you? A LOT of couples go through this.. and by God if you tell her that you're turned off by it, that will make it SOOOOO much worse.. just be patient and understand that she probably has issues, like a lot of women, and try to enjoy yourself anyway..

I feel for your girlfriend.. try to put yourself in her shoes and maybe you won't be so hard on her..

How about using some toys or something and let her have one before you get full into it.

A LOT of women can't orgasm from sex. Ever. Period.

That doesn't mean they don't ENJOY sex!

That being said---what are you doing for HER? Are you making sure she's mentally in the moment (no dirty house to think about, any kids are at gramma's, whatever)? Are you amping up the foreplay? And by foreplay, I don't mean groping her breasts, and going down on her--that's fun, but that's like hitting the gas when your car hasn't even warmed up yet. Her skin and her head are her two biggest erogenous zones--have you talked about what she thinks about when masturbating? Have you ASKED her to masturbate for you? What about a long, slow, sensual massage? What about sex games? One that my husband and I love is played with a pair of twenty sided dice. On a sheet of paper, we've written every erogenous zone on our bodies, and numbered them. On another sheet, we've put all the different things you can DO to those body parts (stroke, tickle, massage, kiss, lick, nibble, suck, etc). Then we roll the dice and set a 2 minute timer.

Does she touch HERSELF during sex? Sometimes that's what it takes to push me over the edge.

Being turned on for a woman is sometimes really slow--and how wet we are sometimes has nothing to do with how turned on we are.

Another suggestion is to get a couple of books on sexual technique and read them together. Another suggestion is to play some sort of sexual truth or dare--one that makes you talk about your sex life and what you like and don't like.

The key here is trust and communication--trust that she's telling you the truth about enjoying it, and communicate with each other about what you BOTH like and don't like.

Many females in American culture are raised to suppress their sexuality from the beginning they start to express their sexuality at a very early age, like 5 or 6. Religion and mother are the great destroyers of female sexuality. Consequently, it takes some women a lot of effort to unlearn oppression and begin to develop a healthy sexual response. Women don't reach their sexual peak until about 35-40 something, the time of great orgasmic response and a healthy sexual appetite.

Anyway, is your view of a sexual encounter like a sexual encounter you have seen in a porno? Extended copulation, grimacing faces, multiple orgasmic dollfaces? That is not reality.

Frankly, I think you are spending way too much time in bed. Fifteen minutes is long enough for a sexual encounter. Don't make it the whole reason for living!. an all day experience. That is too tedious. Go to a baseball game, out to dinner... after a 15 minute encounter. Enjoy each other.

I think at this point you are probably a bad influence on the girl. She can't live up to your wishes in the sack. Whatever you do is going to be traumatic for the girl... break up cause she is terrible in the sack?. continue complaining about her performance?. sulk?? Really bad.

She is just young and passive and immature... you need a more experienced partner at this point in my opinion.

Good Luck,

I'm guessing if shed had an orgasm with shorter time having sex, he wouldn't have had longer lasting sex?

His issue is he isn't able to get her off, not that he wants her to last a long time and be a porno girl.

*SHE* is not able to get off.

Orgasm-ing is the woman's responsibility; she is in control of her pleasure... that is why psychology is most important for women... bad past experiences, such as negative messages from religion and mother and etc, have to be overcome in order to free the orgasmic response. It is very easy to orgasm when a woman's mind is free. Otherwise, a woman's bliss is frozen.

He is not a "bad influence" for wanting help, wanting to learn how to be a better lover or help her learn to release. It is possible that he needs to learn a few things about bringing a woman who has difficulty reaching orgams to that place. Doesn't mean he's clueless, but really... I'm better in bed now because of a lifelong journey of thoughtful exploration... much of which was brought about by "failure" at some point. She has real issues, but he can perhaps help her get to where she needs to be... and his desire to help her is not a "bad influence" on a woman who needs to take control of her sexuality.

She "cant live up to his wishes"?. that she is fulfilled sexually, that's too much for him to come here for help?

Leaving a lover when there are issues in the bedroom is lazy when there are things still to try.

Yes, OP'er... a more experienced partner might make it easier for you. But meaningful relationships sometimes deserve work, and kudos to you for coming here for help. Don't let yourself be fooled. You learn to be a better lover because of need and desire. There's no guarantee things will go right for you here, but there's no shame in wanting to have a better sex life with a woman you care about.

Yes.. there are issues on both sides... and yes, chances are if she were coming every time you wouldn't be here, wouldn't have a mental block, and wouldn't be frustrated.

Some relationships are too much work. Its true.

But I don't think a young woman who is having diffuculty in bed is going to learn much if every lover simply abandons her when things aren't perfect in bed. Somewhere along the way someone needs to be patient and open enough to help her find her way.

You can't expect to be her savior in bed. She has work to do. And you have barriers to undo. Welcome to the human condition.

Glad you came here for advice.

This is what is good about our board, you get all different kinds of viewpoints to learn from.

Have a good day!