Ask Me Help Desk - Bad stage of a breakup

Hi all,
My ex recently broke up w/me a week ago but this is now the 3rd time this has happened & I do believe its for good. I am slowly trying to accept he is not the one for me for many reasons. But the worst thing was he told me he was "not in love" with me no more. Which hurts the most even more than the breakup itself because I always thought he loved me more than I did. I want to hate him so now I send him mean texts telling him how he hurt me by saying that & that I never want to see him again... we started to say mean things to each other... I know I shouldn't contact him but I want to hear him say I am still in love w/u & that he wants to be w/me... my ego may be getting in the way.. any tips or advice during this bad stage of a breakup...

Often guys will say stuff like that just to hurt you and/or ease their hurt.
Drop the contact because you could be feeding his ego out of you saying you are hurt.
At this point words are not going to fix anything only make things worse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by magrock

hi all,
my ex recently broke up w/me a week ago but this is now the 3rd time this has happened & i do believe its for good. I am slowly trying to accept he is not the one for me for many reasons. but the worst thing was he told me he was "not in love" with me no more. which hurts the most even more than the breakup itself b/c i always thought he loved me more than i did. i want to hate him so now i send him mean texts telling him how he hurt me by saying that & that i never want to see him again... we started to say mean things to each other... i know i shouldn't contact him but i want to hear him say i am still in love w/u & that he wants to be w/me... my ego may be getting in the way.. any tips or advice during this bad stage of a breakup...

Hello,
Breakups are a terrible time especially if you are the one who gets dumped. Of course you going to feel hurt and want to get back at him but I feel by telling him he's hurt you and everything it may feed his ego... instead maybe saying that your over him and he meant nothing would punish him more. But I do think you should not contact him I did this with my ex and had to delete his number off my phone to stop myself but time is a healer and you will be OK in time. Just be strong and try to occupie your mind more i.e. see friends, family. Hope this is some help to you. All the best xx

I completely understand how you feel- I could've dealt with SO MANY other reasons for us breaking up- incompatibility, moving away etc, but to have them say "I don't love you any more" is really hard. I know it is. I also understand "hating" him feeling easier, because I recently made up with my ex and I think I coped better thinking he was just a t**t and KNOWING I was better off without him. My advice for you would be to initiate NC immediately for your healing, and to try and let go feelings of hate because they're destructive. With NC you will start to feel better gradually, and you may be one of the lucky ones who's ex realises what they want after they have not been in contact with them and begin to miss them. Either way-you'll be OK. NC is important though. Good luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by magrock

hi all,
my ex recently broke up w/me a week ago but this is now the 3rd time this has happened & i do believe its for good. I am slowly trying to accept he is not the one for me for many reasons. but the worst thing was he told me he was "not in love" with me no more. which hurts the most even more than the breakup itself b/c i always thought he loved me more than i did. i want to hate him so now i send him mean texts telling him how he hurt me by saying that & that i never want to see him again... we started to say mean things to each other... i know i shouldn't contact him but i want to hear him say i am still in love w/u & that he wants to be w/me... my ego may be getting in the way.. any tips or advice during this bad stage of a breakup...

magrock, I am sorry that you are hurting. People ONLY do what others ALLOW them to do. He's broken up with you 3 times and ADMITTED that he's not in love with you anymore. As much as you would LOVE to hear him say otherwise, at this point, he's NOT. Whatever text you left him last, leave it at that and move on. Love yourself and know that with time, your pain will stop. It's not easy, but you can do it.

Michelle

Quote:

Originally Posted by magrock

hi all,
my ex recently broke up w/me a week ago but this is now the 3rd time this has happened & i do believe its for good. I am slowly trying to accept he is not the one for me for many reasons. but the worst thing was he told me he was "not in love" with me no more. which hurts the most even more than the breakup itself b/c i always thought he loved me more than i did. i want to hate him so now i send him mean texts telling him how he hurt me by saying that & that i never want to see him again... we started to say mean things to each other... i know i shouldn't contact him but i want to hear him say i am still in love w/u & that he wants to be w/me... my ego may be getting in the way.. any tips or advice during this bad stage of a breakup...

Let it go! Seriously! You are doing yourself more harm than good if you refuse to believe or accept what he has told you. Of course it's painful to hear something you never expected to hear, especially from the one you love, but if that's his truth YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT. And sending mean texts only drags it on and makes it worse and makes you create more drama for yourself. You should be glad that he was able to admit the harsh truth to you, now your not in the dark. Step into your light and accept it, cry about it, talk to friends and loved ones, and MOVE ON. Trust me, you will get over this. Your stronger than you think.

Once you let go, and stop expecting him to stroke your hurt feelings, you can leave him completely alone, and start your healing. Sorry for your loss.