My current boyfriend has a past; a player past. He actually started dating me while he was seeing someone else. According to him, he told her he had met someone else; after getting a phone call from her one time she says she kicked him out after she found out he was cheating. He claimed they were not in a serious relationship when we met; but after snooping and reading emails from 10 days ago she had a lot to say... and basically it seems to me that they were in a serious relationship. I now feel really akward. It hasn't been too long and we are moving pretty fast, and I always feel like I have to check up on him in order to feel comfortable. He likes to talk about women who like him, he's kind of self centered; but shows me that he cares when I mention or act jealous a little; or question him.

I guess I just feel like I have to put energy into making sure ( the best way I can, although I can't be with him 24/7) that he's not doing anything. I also have to watch and make sure he doesn't try to play me the way he apparently did the one before me. But, so far he has been sweet to me.
So Is this how relationships are supposed to be in a nutshell? I mean everyone has a past so should I just not worry about it?

The thing is I'm not a jealous person, unless I feel I have to be. So how should I proceed with this type of guy; or guy with a known "past"?

Your relationship starting with a lie from and it could end that way. Why be someone that you have unnecessary stress about? He seems to have a problem with finishing things and brings things to the light only when he's caught by the other party. You can have a relationship without trust and no matter what you do or say, he is in control of his actions and can't control him, you can only control yourself. Why be someone that takes you out of your element?

Yes, that's the thing. I do have feelings for him now, and really don't want to rock the boat at the same time either. I mean I should be happy as long as he's treating me well right? I mean, most people have someone waiting in the wings when they meet someone new right?
I'm not trying to justify, I'm just trying to be realistic here. It can be easy to say just " walk away" if you don't trust someone, but it has been about 4-5 months, and we've done a lot so far. And so far he's been good to me.

Its like I'm at the point where I could " fall" for him, but I'm keeping my wits about me because of stuff that I notice about him and his past behavior. But I do have strong feelings already though.

But its more like I feel like I need to keep him close and watch the patterns in his behavior which is kind of annoying.

Are these sacrifices for love? Are these regular issues people deal with in their relationship?

The way he is, is the way he will stay in all probability. Ask yourself if spending a lifetime with someone who behaves the way he does is OK with you. Maybe it's fine, everyone has faults. I'd get to know him better, and in many situations before committing myself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kia

My current bf has a past; a player past. He actually started dating me while he was seeing someone else. According to him, he told her he had met someone else; after getting a phone call from her one time she says she kicked him out after she found out he was cheating. He claimed they were not in a serious relationship when we met; but after snooping and reading emails from 10 days ago she had alot to say..... and basically it seems to me that they were in a serious relationship. I now feel really akward. It hasn't been too long and we are moving pretty fast, and I always feel like I have to check up on him in order to feel comfortable. He likes to talk about women who like him, he's kinda self centered; but shows me that he cares when I mention or act jealous a little; or question him.

I guess I just feel like I have to put energy into making sure ( the best way I can, although I can't be with him 24/7) that he's not doing anything. I also have to watch and make sure he doesn't try to play me the way he apparently did the one before me. But, so far he has been sweet to me.
So Is this how relationships are supposed to be in a nutshell? I mean everyone has a past so should I just not worry about it?

The thing is I'm not a jealous person, unless I feel I have to be. So how should I proceed with this type of guy; or guy with a known "past"?

---

Follow your instincts. That little annoying voice in your head that you can't get rid of is there for a reason. We ALWAYS know what's best for us. Sometimes what we WANT isn't always what we NEED. Be truthful with yourself about your instincts and let them guide you on what to do.

If he was in a serious relationship with another woman before he met you and dismissed it as not serious, then how do you know that he won't do the same to you?

My advice for what it is worth.. "ditch the loser"

U can never change a man unless he wants to.also, he will cheat if he wants to cheat. He will lie when he wants to so why waste energy spying? The question is, not how to proceed but how to feel secure...now thats a hard question....maybe communication???

You know clearly he was a player! As long as you decided to be with him,you have to trust him!but if you found out he cheat,just go away! Personally speaking,a player is always hardly trustful!and it will also take a long and hard time for him to get rid of player life!

My current boyfriend has a past; a player past. He actually started dating me while he was seeing someone else.
Will likely do it to you too.

According to him, he told her he had met someone else; after getting a phone call from her one time she says she kicked him out after she found out he was cheating.
He claimed they were not in a serious relationship when we met; but after snooping and reading emails from 10 days ago she had a lot to say... and basically it seems to me that they were in a serious relationship. I now feel really akward.

Typical player cover ups.

It hasn't been too long and we are moving pretty fast, and I always feel like I have to check up on him in order to feel comfortable. He likes to talk about women who like him, he's kind of self centered; but shows me that he cares when I mention or act jealous a little; or question him.

Typical con player games

I guess I just feel like I have to put energy into making sure ( the best way I can, although I can't be with him 24/7) that he's not doing anything. I also have to watch and make sure he doesn't try to play me the way he apparently did the one before me. But, so far he has been sweet to me.
So Is this how relationships are supposed to be in a nutshell? I mean everyone has a past so should I just not worry about it?

NO you shouldn't feel like you have to babysit. Red flags only get worse if you do not heed them.

The thing is I'm not a jealous person, unless I feel I have to be. So how should I proceed with this type of guy; or guy with a known "past"?
If you suspect he may be cheating tell him hit the road and DO NOT come back.

As long as he's nice to you, it shouldn't matter if he's faithful, right? As long as the time you two are together he's sweet and generous and attentive, who cares what he's doing (or who he's doing) when you're apart...

Right?

I don't know about you, but I relish the time with my gal. We spend all our time laughing and planning and working and building and resting. We don't have to spend any time checking each other's emails, watching our backs, suspecting our motives or begrudging free time spent apart.

In short, my "final" relationship is one that is missing ALL the terrors you seem to be accepting as normal. It may be common for some men to be unfaithful, but it's not NORMAL and I am saddened when smart-minded women accept it so readily.

Well, as long as he's nice...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kia

My current bf has a past; a player past. He actually started dating me while he was seeing someone else. According to him, he told her he had met someone else; after getting a phone call from her one time she says she kicked him out after she found out he was cheating. He claimed they were not in a serious relationship when we met; but after snooping and reading emails from 10 days ago she had alot to say..... and basically it seems to me that they were in a serious relationship. I now feel really akward. It hasn't been too long and we are moving pretty fast, and I always feel like I have to check up on him in order to feel comfortable. He likes to talk about women who like him, he's kinda self centered; but shows me that he cares when I mention or act jealous a little; or question him.

I guess I just feel like I have to put energy into making sure ( the best way I can, although I can't be with him 24/7) that he's not doing anything. I also have to watch and make sure he doesn't try to play me the way he apparently did the one before me. But, so far he has been sweet to me.
So Is this how relationships are supposed to be in a nutshell? I mean everyone has a past so should I just not worry about it?

The thing is I'm not a jealous person, unless I feel I have to be. So how should I proceed with this type of guy; or guy with a known "past"?

---

Move forward very carefully. However, if you are to move forward with this guy then you have to leave all the baggage at the door and be willing to move on or else it will not work. I have to believe that every human has good in them and at some point that will prevail. If I were you I would protect my heart until he shows his real colors with you though... I say this from experience