I just don’t know what to do

I have been dating a girl for the past 2 and a half years. I’m 24 and she’s 22. We met on the Internet. She lives quite far away from me. At first I didn’t think a long distance relationship would work. But we met up with each other. She really made an effort to keep in touch. We rang each other every night and met up every couple of months. I really do love her. She understood me, not a lot of people understand me or can relate to me. I’m a very shy unconfident person. But she was unlike any other girl. She loved me.

Our biggest problem was the fact that she is too scared to tell her parents. Her parents actually have an idea that she is going out with me but she still only tells them I’m a friend. I have told her it hurts me that I’m a huge secret in her life but her parents are rather strict and I guess she’s worried she may get kicked out the house. We have plans to live together when she finishes studying and I don’t want to be living a lie with her.

I’m far from the perfect boyfriend. The was a time when I was very protective over her. She used to go out loads and get drunk at Uni. With her friends. I used to feel left out because my social life is crap. I used to ring her lots when she was out but it used to get her mad. She doesn’t like me talking to her when she is with friends. I have doe my best to cut down phonecalls when she is with her friends. But I still get a feeling of being left out.

The past few months have been very hard she as become very close to a workmate of hers. She goes to work in the morning and then goes off with her friend. Getting her nails and hair done, and swimming. All sorts of things she never used to do before she met this girl. She even went out one night and stayed over this girl’s house and went out to party and got very drunk. Her family are very strict and got mad at her for staying out all night. But she never even sent them a text or called them. She even turned off her phone so I couldn’t get her. This happened twice. Her new friend has even tried to get her to talk to other guys and my girlfrienf has even accepted their numbers and spoke to them on the phone, although she claims she don’t want to go out with them and loves me. Her attitude has become immature and childish. Just this morning, I called her by her name (like I do to everyone) and she told me I am NOT to call her by her name. I must call her “Hun” or ”baby”! She’s very demanding and even admits she is changing. She says she like the new person she has become. And she now says I’m annoying and I make her angry. She wants a break.

Sorry for the long rant but I just don’t know what to do. I really love this girl and don’t want to lose her.

This girl is taking you for a ride. She has moved on with her life, new friends, new hobbies and has outgrown you - but she obviously feels guilty in some way which is why she is trying to make out this is your fault. By saying you are annoying and that you make her angry, she is trying to make you feel bad, she is trying to make you feel like that you are to blame for you two drfiting apart.

This girl is not worth it and is going to rip your heart out and stamp on it if you take soke control now.

Tell this girl that you do not wish to be with her anymore (I know it easier saisd than done) but you have got to be brave. You have got to let her go for your own sake. You will drive yourself down a path of depression otherwise.

Put yourself first, you owe this girl nothing. If you look deep inside yourself you will find great strength and courage to take control, let go and move on with your life. It all takes time and you do have to be really brave.

I believe in you, so please believe in yourself!! You derserve much better than this, so don't settle for less.

Hi, Swany,
I am sorry to hear about this word "break".
That means it's over, usually.
At 24 yrs old, I got married for the first time, lasted 7 yrs, ended in Divorce. I had known her for 4 years, thought everything would last; it didn't.
After 3 yrs, married again, now for 29 years.
Love hurts; and we have to move on.
It took me a year after my divorce to date again... been there, done that.
Love is a chance, and doesn't always work out.
You deserve much, much more than this girl is willing to give. She sounds very selfish. You will eventually find someone who respects you, cares, loves you, and wants to please you in every way possible; with you feeling the same about her.
The best way to get over it is in talking with other women. Listen to them, talk about them. It will take awhile, but you can do it. I do wish you the best of luck.

Hi guy I feel for you! Back in the day every girl I dated broke up with me until one day this fine young lady came into my life and has been with me for the last 32 years and given me two kids who have given me 5 grandchildren! When you least expect it your dream girl will come into your life also. You may not be able to see it now but it will happen. How did I HANDLE ALL THOSE REJECTIONS? It wasn't easy since I was so in love every time but I learned to not sit on the pity pot and go about living my life and to do the things I liked to do. I had to accept the fact I loved someone who didn't feel the same toward me. Happens all the time so with any relationship not only is communication important but being patient and going slow enough to read the signals all females give out as to how they feel about you! Moving on is hard but it must be done for your sake so you can be ready when that special person appears. If I were you I would ride off into the sunset and don't look back! Your life is in front of you!:cool: :)

This girl is obviously very selfish, getting other guy's numbers and such knowing how you feel and whatever, I'd leave her and be done with it. At the moment it probably seems like the worst possible thing that could happen and whatnot,but these things are often blessings in disguise.

You have a long distance relationship that has not commitment, you are not enganged, not married, merely dating. ( and not dating much because of distance) with older couples, normally within a year of that new love online, they make commitments and even get married and one partner moves to be with the other.

And when possible that is what love really is, being with the other person. Both of you have choice not to move to be with the other person which at your ages may be for the best.

But as we continue though college we change ( sadly it sounds like she has found the party scene and is changing the wrong way instead of maturing)

But a real life boyfriend will normally win out over a long distance one every time esp when there is no firm past.

I am sorry, but it does sound in the 1 min of reading that we have that his relationship is on the way out. I can be wrong, only time will tell, but it is all up to the two of you. A visit to her area could help re-spark something.

The real issue I see is that she won't tell her parents, don't understand that at all

I am going to be as nice as I can since I am going through a split now also and I feel for you.

But you can't be possesive and worried when she is going out. You must not act desperate for her even if you feel that way. Everyone is shy, and unconfident and worried a little on the inside. You need to accept that everyone has those flaws just some people hide them better than others.

Now how to approach this situation... Go out and meet people. Stop sitting at home and go out to a club or bar that's relatively full. Bring about $100 and the first girl that gives you a look, go over and buy them a drink. Can't hurt guy, what's the worst that happens, she says no and you don't have to buy her drink, or conversely you get to talk to some REAL people. Read up on how to talk to women, or post hear on what to say. But talk to people go out and don't be afraid of people.

You get on top by putting yourself there. Don't get me wrong, I have only had one girl in my life I really cared about and she is not in my life right now. But I am going out meeting people. This may sound mean, but grow some jones' and talk to people. What is the worst possible thing that could happen if you just go up to a girl and talk to her? What's the best thing? Ever study game theory, the positives outway the negatives.

I wouldn't worry about this chick too much buddy, she isn't into that relationship and she is moving on. I would talk to her as a friend, and non-confontational if you do talk to her. Just remember you may come across her again further down the line when she is matured.

JC

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Hi guy I feel for you! Back in the day every girl I dated broke up with me until one day this fine young lady came into my life and has been with me for the last 32 years and given me two kids who have given me 5 grandchildren! when you least expect it your dream girl will come into your life also. You may not be able to see it now but it will happen. How did I HANDLE ALL THOSE REJECTIONS? It wasn't easy since I was so in love every time but I learned to not sit on the pity pot and go about living my life and to do the things I liked to do. I had to accept the fact I loved someone who didn't feel the same toward me. Happens all the time so with any relationship not only is communication important but being patient and going slow enough to read the signals all females give out as to how they feel about you! Moving on is hard but it must be done for your sake so you can be ready when that special person appears. If I were you I would ride off into the sunset and don't look back! Your life is in front of you!:cool: :)

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Couldn't agree with you more. I have had my fair deal of rejections and I have had to deal with them in the very same way. Rather than be depressed and mope and reflect of all the bad happenings on my past I had to appreciate all the good things in my life - friends, family, career, independence and focus my energies on my hobbies like DJing, singing - I even enrolled myself in a MUsical Show to help focus my mind elsewhere and if anything it made me remember who I was and that having a partner was not the be all and end all of my life. We should all be able to function and live our lives as singletons and sure partners will come and go, they will do some awful things and may temporaily weaken our heart and strenth, but we can all rebuild our strength, courage and independence in no time at all. You just have to believe in yourself and put yourself first. Not saying you have to be selfish - but you seem to be one of those people (like myself) who is very selfless and always put others first. Sometimes you do have put yourself first regardless of others. Don't forget we all need space at times and we all need to do what is right for ourselves.

I thankfully have a wonderful boyfriend who walked into my life 6 months ago. He is so different from any other man I have ever met or been with. I was quite insecure when we first got together, only because I could not let go of my past - but thanks to all my friends here at AMHD - I was able to get all of my baggage out in the open and move forward. I now thankfully have a wonderful relationship with no baggage and it is such a wonderful feeling - so please don't give up and remember you are in control of your life and your decisions and as another said life is too short. So you must make the most of it and be happy ;) and happiness is what you truly deserve.

Hey swany0001,
It's time to move on. I was dating this guy who was very possessive. Always had to know where I was, who I was with and when I'll be back home. And he'll try everyway to get in touch with me while I was with my friends. And it'll be for stupid stuff, like "what you doin". I resented him for that. And disappointed in myself for letting that continue. Anyway, she's enjoying the life of what most 22 year olds are doing. Let her go and move on. She doesn't sound like she's ready to be in a committed relationship.

So Swany you think you got it bad?. Well let me tell you a true story of "it could be worse". I was dating this guy and well our mutual friend needed a roommate so he and I moved in. Granted, we had known each other since high school. Everything was going great for awhile. Then enter my niece, she came over to baby sit for me... Well lets just make this short. We broke up and she moved in and they hooked up. We were all living together and that just sucked. I moved out and for some reason he still called me and the such. I finally got my number changed and well I just don't talk to them anymore. It was a piss poor situation and I'm a much better person for having the strength to live through it. What I'm saying is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. She isn't treating you right and yes your depressed but is it going to hurt more to sit there and suffer or are you going to get up and brush yourself off and try again. As long as you learned something then it wasn't a complete waste of time. Now you know what not to look for and more about us women folk... try again... this time try closer to home... someone is out there looking for you too.