One of my good friends had a baby on June 13, she was aware he had a heart defect during her pregnancy, but there was a chance that he could have surgery to correct this. After his birth, his only chance was a heart transplant, which there were no donors at the time. He passed away on June 28. What can I do for my friend? I do not understand what she is going through as I never have had to face something like this, but I would like to do something nice for her. Any ideas?

Hello, "ang8318"

By posting your question here,you're already showing that you really do care for
Your friend.

I'm SO sorry to hear that this has happened to her,& the best way you can
Help,is just to be there for her.

[I know this doesn't sound much,but believe me,it really does help]

Hello ang8318,
What a special friend you are, your friend is very lucky to have you.
I lost my first baby when he was only 5 and half hours only.So know how your friend feels.
The only thing I wanted is to know that there was someone who didn't mind me talking about him. Was there as a shoulder to cry on. Your friend will have to take it one day at a time, as it's not something you can just get over, overnight. I still have good days and bad days after 19 years and three more children. You just find it easier to cope with it.
So the only advice I can give is to just be there for her, even if it feels like she's pushing you away. She's still glad that she still has someone who cares and is there for her.
Take care.

I am not a expert on this type of loss, but I have delt with a loss of a loved one recently and just having you there as a friend to depend on will be wonderful. Keep her in your prayers as I will do also and God will heal all in time.

We don't understand in this life why things happen, but we have to keep in mind, God knows all and everything happens for a reason. May God bless you all..

I can only imagine what pain your friend must be in. The only relatable experience I have is when I miscarried and what helped the most was having my friends and family around to just be with me. They would baby sit my son while I stayed in my room for a little bit, cook and clean every now and then, but most importantly, they would hold my hand when I needed them.

Just tell your friend that you are there for her and hug her a million times...

One thing that has been a source of endless comfort for my family in the loss of my Dad to cancer was the simple gift of a windchime. Someone gave us one of those beautiful garden windchimes after his funeral and my Mom put it up in the garden behind the house. Every time we sit outside on the deck and hear the beautiful melody, we're reminded of my Dad and how precious he was.

It's a beautiful sentiment that you want to help your friend. I commend you for that. Be there for her - that's more important than anything.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ang8318

One of my good friends had a baby on June 13, she was aware he had a heart defect during her pregnancy, but there was a chance that he could have surgery to correct this. After his birth, his only chance was a heart transplant, which there were no donors at the time. He passed away on June 28. What can I do for my friend? I do not understand what she is going through as I never have had to face something like this, but I would like to do something nice for her. Any ideas?

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My son died some years ago - I found nothing made it any better except for the true friends who simply listened when I wanted to talk, wanted to get it all out. When I cried, my best friend cried. When I laughed, she laughed. When I wanted to go to the cemetery and throw myself on the grave, she drove me there and she drove me home.

We sat for hours in silence and I was just comfortable knowing she was there.

And, yes, there are times when it still takes my breath away.

All you can do is be there. I don't know that anything but time makes it better or easier for the person who has suffered the loss.

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
ang8318 agrees: Thanks for your answer, she is doing a little bit better, I am just trying to be there because I do not know what to say, but I am a good listener.[/QUOTE]


And that's the best way you can be there - just listen to her.

And she is so lucky that she has you as a friend, that you are concerned, that you are willing to listen. A lot of people go through tragedy and the grieving process alone.

You are a good friend just for being here and trying to find out how to help.

When I lost my infant daughter, these were the things that helped the most:

People who just sat and listened, who laughed with me, and cried with me, and made me drink lots of water while I was doing it.

People who came over and cleaned my house (or even did one simple chore) who made me get in the shower, who made and stayed for dinner to make sure I ate a little.

People who explained things for me when I was too exhausted to do it for myself.

People who called or came to see me on her birthday, and on her death anniversary. Even now, 16 years later, it meant a lot when my friend said "Wow, she'd be 16 today!!"

People who helped me to do what I needed to do, instead of telling me what I SHOULD do.

I was the subject of a few prayer circles, and a Wiccan healing ceremony. These things made me feel as though people cared, even though I don't practise religion myself.