Ask Me Help Desk - Opinion message from ex.

OK guys... I got some interesting news... it hit two months since my ex and I broke up... she did... I geuss... some of you know my story... anyway... since the break up... I talk to her twice... the day she was leaving town... and on the 1st of June... anyway... so I made up my mind and started going out and meeting new peeps... and I met this girl... pretty sweet so far... and the chemistry was there and so we hit things ups... I would say that I met her two weeks ago or so.. but last week we got intimate and started hanging out a lot... I mean she good looking... fun and fun... anyway... the past 4 days or so we hung out hardcore... I spent the last 3 nights at her place... anyway... I am also courting this other chic with who things seem to pick up slowly... I never had the intention of anything serious since I just got burned... from my mate for 2 yrs... so long story short, my ex messaged me last Saturday... I ignored her text... she went bullistic and acted a bit a la britney spears kind of drama!. anyway so I just somewhat decided to reply this past Tuesday on Facebook... I did it intentionally just cause all the girls I have been talking to have been hitting my wall pretty hard... some interesting conversation and very milky ones at time... yeah so anyway NC helped a lot and I really am ready to move on with my life for real... so I replied to her on Facebook and kind of filled her in on what I have been up to and she wrote me back... and here is her message... now keep in my mind that she is moving closer to where I live about 45 minutes drive... compare to her home which is 3 hrs away...

"hey.. the 507 # is my house # in rochester. I moved 1/2 my stuff with my mom about a week and a 1/2 ago and am moving the rest after the 4th. It was crazy up until this last week. Now its just relaxation time pretty much. I like it. I took up crochetin.. I'm making a couple really pretty blankets and just chillin on my boat before I leave. I think about you too.. with time to think about it, I think the distance was just getting to me. Even though you came back, it was just mentally and emotionally difficult. I couldn't get used to seeing you and then not. It was just almost like a trick. Like.. surprise.. I'm here.. surprise.. just kididng.. I don't know. Hard to explain.. but.. its not like my feelings were gone. It just felt like a stupid game that I could never win internally. Oh well.. I'm not going to talk about it rt now. Otherwise, life is fine. I'm just waiting to start my internship. Hopefully see you and talk to you soon. I owe you some cookies I no... we'll figure something out. Have fun w/ your dad and skydivin and everything.

Now what do you make of this??
Opinion?? and sorry for the long message

She sounds nice!

Gosh, you've only been broke up a month from a long term relationship and already having sex and staying the night at another girl's house, and also dating another girl too?

That's pretty rash.

I would've given myself some time to get balanced on my own again if I were you. Now if you do get back with her how do you think she (or you) will feel about the fact that you've already slept with another woman? Would you tell her about it?

Granted I haven't read any previous posts of yours, though, so maybe there's some reason why you did that?

Well... we ve been broken up for 2 months as of the 25 th of this month... well when she broke up with me, though I really would go to the end of the world for her, I didn't beg to stay or anything... I told her that I respect her decision even thought it really got me off course... it was towards the end of my freaking semester and I have some hardcore engineering classes... and it was two days after my birthday... she didn't bother to even call me and every time I tried harder to make things work but she was cold the whole time... I was sad... but hey it's all about attitude... I have been a door to door sales student dealer selling books, so I was taught that its all about attitude. and that you have to control the controable... I gave our relationship our best! She did too... but I felt like she gave up.. it was her last semester in college and she didn't have time.. blah blah blah... I was there too since I'm working on my freaking master's now... so I know what's its like to be a last semester student... anyway... so I didn't call her... and didn't want to do the begging... I don't mean to be cocky, but I usually don't have a problem getting girls... it's just that I happened to fall for her, and she knew it and she all this BS happened... anyway... so I did leave her alone when she started acting up... thought it hurt as well.. but I stuck my gut and decided that I was going to move on with my life... when she texted me, I ignored her , but then I decided to write because over all we were pretty good to each other and always fair... but I was not going to wait for her to make up her mind... she knows where to reach me... and I went out and had a time of my life... I send her a message... etc... anyway I was mad that she was selfish and did it at the time when I need her the most, and when I was taking my freaking exams... finals... don't get me wrong I was sad and down, but hey... pain is unavoidable, but misery is a choice right?? I can't beat myself up for a woman who doesn't recognize everything I did for us... so I decided to go out and have fun... but yeah... also the relationship has not always been long distance... we went to the same school for 2 years then I graduated... and moved 2hrs away... but I came to visit every other weekends... because my sisters were also going to college at the my old school, also my ex's... if we do get back together, oh well.. what I did when we were separated... I don't think she should care cause she gave me the red light right?? I mean I was single at the time... right?? And now that she's moving closer to where I live, we will see... but I am really past the feeling sorry and things like that... I went through way to many difficult situations in my life to let something like this dictate the course of my life... so that's my story in a nutshell... these girls know about it and they know that we are just having fun and nothing serious... I hope... because man I'm really sick and tired of caring for somebody and then starting to get BS... for showing some affection... oh well... like my dad says... qui vivra verra... who will live, will see... so let see how things unfold themselves..

Yer, I think because your fine with it now, just be friends. You will probs see her like you said but don't get intimate or anything, just take it easy and carry on with your life as well. If you start to develop feelings for her again, then you'll have to see where it goes. I'v been through the long distance thing as well and it is hard at times and she probably couldn't cope with it because she would've liked to spend more time with you but couldn't. Just see how things go, if you're not going to get BS from this girl, it'll be from another girl anyway. You go through a lot of it throughout your lifetime, it's about taking risks. But if you truly think that things wouldn't work out between you two again, just carry on with your other life and carry on meeting other girls. Go for what makes YOU happy.

Your single so enjoy it, and do what you want. It sounds like the emotional dust is settling, but is that a real reason to go back to the past? Of course not. Keep doing what your doing, and enjoy it, but beware of confusing sex for love, or better yet, don't lead on your current romping mate. Just see how things go, at their own pace and see what happens, with eyes open, feet on the ground. Do you think the ex knows your having fun?

Well I know that what's going on with my current girl is just fun so far... I don't usually rush in and just let things develop... no stress... so yeah... oh tal my eyes are definitely on the ground... always were, but somehow... she caught me by surprise... oh well it happens to the best of us... and yeah I mentioned to her in my message all that I have been up to... except my adventure with the new gal yet... but words are already spreading around... so we will see... it seems to me that she is now realizing that what has happened... oh well... she is great... and what will be will be... thank you both for your reply...

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my eyes are definitely on the ground...

Had to clean my screen when I came across this.

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With eyes open, feet on the ground.

I know this was what you meant.

OK . Fox... question for you guys... after this message, my ex and I talked back and forth quite a bit... although, I must say it as if she doesn't know for sure what she wants. When I go no contact for a while, she breaks contact, or send me a message on my Facebook. Now I must say we split about 3 months ago, but it was in good term. I have kept the contact low, like once every maybe 5 or six days since or so,either by phone, or Facebook since this message. I have not mentioned anything about asking her back whenever we talk... just keep it casual and talk about other things. However, once I send her a message saying that I miss her( which I kind of regret doing)... etc... anyway...
In the way things seems it's like she is hot/cold... ( I mean she takes longer to write back or so)... claiming that she busy with her intership etc...
Now do I just stop contact totally? Or what? Cause when I go no contact and start to think straight, there she show up, then bam she is gone... for 5 days...

On the other end, the girl I am kind of seeing a girl, for almost a month now or so... I told her what up with me, and that I am still recovering from my relationship, but she seems to be cool... she wants to take things slow and support me through all this... she is sweet but gosh in the back of my head every time I not with her, thoughts of my ex come crowling back... and so...

Tal, I brace myself for some tough love already... cause I know you will tell me something that would make sense to my head, but that would be total bs to my heart... but I am ready to take it in... and all others... your advice would surely help me figure out where to go from here... thanks

I think you know until you have healed, and can move on, no contact is recommended, and that doesn't mean light conversation, texts or emails.

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now do I just stop contact totally?

YES!

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cause when I go no contact and start to think straight, there she show up, then bam she is gone... for 5 days...

Get rid of the Facebook contact, and any other way she has of stirring those feelings up. You have to put yourself first whether she likes it or not.

That wasn't so bad was it??

Facebook and myspace are the devil to relationships and even worse for victims of a break up

Hey guys I have done the nc since I last time we talked. Now I have a question. There is this girl that I have been seeing for a good maybe over 2 months now. She seems nice and I have told her about my situation. She knows that I have something things to work on, but she says that I should take my time and let just take it slow... only one problem is though in my head I sporadically my ex is ever present. At those times I tend to kind of compare the two even thought I know it's wrong. I don't do it a lot, but it still bothers me, cause she really is a nice girl. As far as us, she agree with me that we should take it slow, since we both have something we are working on yet... it really was a big step for me to even consider to start seeing her... so my question is why do I still think about my ex this much?? we ve been broken up since late April!! I am really starting to get sick of it... I hope she goes though it to...

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Originally Posted by gg23

hey guys i have done the nc since i last time we talked. now i have a question. there is this girl that i have been seeing for a good maybe over 2 months now. she seems nice and i have told her about my situation. she knows that i have something things to work on, but she says that i should take my time and let just take it slow....only one problem is though in my head i sporadically my ex is ever present. at those times i tend to kinda compare the two even thought i know it's wrong. i don't do it a lot, but it still bothers me, cause she really is a nice girl. as far as us, she agree with me that we should take it slow, since we both have something we are working on yet....it really was a big step for me to even consider to start seeing her.....so my question is why do i still think about my ex this much???we ve been broken up since late april!!!!i am really starting to get sick of it.....i hope she goes though it to...

Actually, I'm pretty sure this is normal. Whenever I start dating someone new (and even more so when it gets intimate and serious), my thoughts always tend to be about the last boyfriend and memories of us are suddenly brought up. Then, as time progresses with the new guy, I think of the last boyfriend less and less.

Your new girl seems really understanding. Like tal said, take it slow and see what happens.