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-   -   Teenage son refuses to leave home (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=231507)

  • Jun 27, 2008, 04:58 PM
    kmason58
    Teenage son refuses to leave home
    My 19 year old refuses to leave home. His child support ends next week. I have told him that he needs to contribute the difference or move out. He does not go to college and only this week started a job at 8.50 / hour.
    He smokes pot in the garage with friends and drinks alcohol as he pleases. When I throw out his pot and paraphenilia (which is why I've kicked him out) he laughs and says I'm risking my home because it's my house that the trash will come from.
    He has bragged that although he has been kicked out (clothes on the lawn etc) he refuses to leave. I can't change the locks because he has broken all the window locks climbing in and out as he pleases. I deal regularly with my 17 year old's panic attacks at the thought that our house cannot be made secure. My ex will not help and my husband has taken an over the road job until my son is gone.
    He is a good 6 inches taller than me, I have an injured hip where he pushed me. I have Trigimenal Neuralgia and he will intentionally touch my face to start a painful seizure that incapacitates me for several minutes.
    I live in Michigan, How can I get him out of the house.
  • Jun 27, 2008, 05:05 PM
    westnlas
    Call the police, report his drug use and possession in your home. Report his touching you. This man is an adult. He is not allowed to extort, harm, assault or threaten you. If the police do not remove him (you will need to sign a complaint) call social services. Do it immediately. There is something wrong with your son for him to act like this. Jail may be the only way to help him.
  • Jun 27, 2008, 05:57 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Call the police, he has already "moved" out but is now breaking and entering,
  • Jun 27, 2008, 06:10 PM
    smokedetector
    I agree. Call the cops. They will tell you what you can do. You can also probably get a restraining order since he can break in and has abused you. Best of luck.
  • Jun 27, 2008, 07:01 PM
    kmason58
    One of the problems is that my family thinks because he is ADHD he needs special consideration. Which is why they've paid for both his license and his truck- (which I would'nt - I set a goal of a C grade before drivers ed would be paid for.)
    And being a somewhat (hubby gone 4 months at a time) single mom working 40-50 hours a week- sometimes more- I've relied on my family as a support system.
    Yet my son claims that his inability to move out is my fault because he didn't have the discipline he should have as he was growing up.
    Since I'm in Human Resource (at work) I know how hard it is for someone with even a minor record to get a job so I hesitate to be the one who causes him to have a record. (he did have a record as a minor for porn on the internet, that his father said was typical for a teenager)
  • Jun 27, 2008, 07:09 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    You can make all the excuses you want, so, change the window and door locks to having keys on the inside, put in a buglar alarm system to use,

    But in the end you either have to stand up for yourself or allow him to terrorise you.
  • Jun 27, 2008, 07:19 PM
    smokedetector
    Ok so he can either get arrested for the illegal things he's doing or live at home for the rest of his life wreaking havoc on your entire family's life. You are not ruining his life. It's kind of like when the mama bird kicks the baby out of the nest. If they don't they'll never learn how to fly (cliche, I know, but whatever). You look at your options. He is the one doing the wrong things. Should he be punished or you? Which way might he learn from. He will never change if you allow him to keep on doing what he is doing. He has control of the situation. You need to regain control of your family's life, because this is obviously affecting more than just you and him. Either way, there is a possibility that he will not do good things with his life, but there is only one way where you can be safe, save your marriage, and allow your other child to feel safe. I know this is probably one of those "I know what the answer is, I just need to hear it from someone else" things, so here I am, telling you what you already know if you think really hard about it. I wish you the best of luck.
  • Jun 27, 2008, 07:19 PM
    westnlas
    As said. If you want things to stay the same don't do anything. Insanity is doing the same thing the same way and expecting a different result. If he does hurt you badly and goes to prison, will he even need a job? Just asking.
  • Jun 27, 2008, 07:47 PM
    kmason58
    Thank you all for your advice. I was looking for a way that didn't involve the police but it looks like if he won't leave that's only way. I have brought home empty boxes and started packing for him. I've even circled and posted classified ads for apartments.
    I don't have the finances to pursue anything legally but if it looks as if the police is the only option then that's what I have to do. I know I can't let him hold me hostage emotionally and I have my daughter to look after, but it's hard to press charges against one's child. I was just wondering if I had a legal standing to remove my son from our home.
  • Jun 27, 2008, 07:53 PM
    smokedetector
    Maybe eviction? I don't know, but you can look into it or call around to see if you can get any answers. Again, best of luck.
  • Jun 27, 2008, 10:50 PM
    Moose1123
    If you are worried about losing your house because of drugs being there. Do not worry. If he is in garage smoking pot with his friends and you call the police and tell them your son is smoking pot in the garage they will come and deal with him. You are not throwing a pot party and allowing it. You will not get into trouble. My son has ADHD as well. He is 14. He has learned that that becoming violent and throwing a fit we became afraid to disipline him in order to avoid problems. Not anymore. I have found pot in his room and called the police. I still have major problems with him but he is starting to realize I am not messing around anymore and the ADHD can not be used as an excuse to do what ever he wants. I have a long road to go but I will travel it. Good luck to you
  • Aug 27, 2010, 08:30 AM
    theend

    Hi bluemason, I'm in a similar situation here in CA, how's it going for you now? Better I hope. After two years of waiting for my son's behavior to improve, I've finally determined that his bad behavior is not my fault, I am in the process of preparing for his 'eviction' soon, I have had enough!! I am done with this drama/nightmare... the mother in me is almost dead and I refuse to be disrespected and minipulated any longer... so there it is son, I have given to you all of your life and this is how you repay me... I now see that I am only an object of control, not a beloved mother... I will not mistreat you son, but you must go before this kills me, I must protect myself now, and it breaks my heart to know that you do not love me. This will be an ugly horrible experience for the both of us but I sincerely hope that your life will improve and that you will see that life is a gift and the hate that you feel now can go away and a real life can be lived with real joy and connections to those that love you.
  • Aug 27, 2010, 09:59 AM
    nickmmm

    I've been that terrorizing son, and the only thing that woke me up was my Mother passing away when I was 17. You should probably find some common ground to communicate on outside of your home living situation. Do what you can to get him out of the house, though. It's the only way he will ever realize what he has been doing. When rents due, you have no one to wake you up for work, your fridge is empty, you've spent all your extra cash on weed and a good time, and now can't afford the electric and water, reality will really kick in. Be there for him with open arms, and a closed pocket book and I think eventually things will come together.

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