What is it about men thinking they can go out and do whatever they want and the woman has to stay home with the children?
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What is it about men thinking they can go out and do whatever they want and the woman has to stay home with the children?
I have never just 'sat at home' . I always had a life of my own and a job and managed to raise my son to be a contributing human being. These men you live with need to have a wake up call my dear. Why do you stand for it ?
Well I work a 40 hr week so I am not a stay at home mom, and I have an almost 3 year old daughter. My husband just thinks he can go and come as he pleases. People will say things about me like I am cheating and I don't like to hear that so I just stay with my daughter. We just found out we are pregnant again and I have a feeling he is cheating on me and I don't want to put this baby through it so I am thinking about giving it up to a family who will appreciate it. Is that wrong??
For men who do that, it means they are not committed to the relationship and do not understand their responsibility as father and husband.
Before you give up your new child you should talk with your husband.
It's possible he does as he pleases because he thinks it doesn't matter.
It's easy for us to convince ourselves of anything - especially the negative things.
Often times we don't expect much so we won't feel disappointed if we don't receive much.
If you don't talk with him in depth and responsibly about this then it will never be resolved.
None of us read minds, therefore, your husband might not really know how you feel.
If you are passive about the issue then it's almost a given he will assume you do not care what he does.
Even if he is simply the type person who just does not feel any sort of commitment to marriage and family it would still be in your best interest to give some discussion a chance. You certainly don't want to wonder "what if..." some days, months, years down the road.
But, I would like the opportunity to state that I don't think "men" - used as a general term, is a fair description for your husband's behavior... Any gender is capable of mistakes, and certainly not all men fit into the category you described.
It's not wrong to be sad or disappointed about your relationship with your husband. It is true that another child will introduce new experiences and stresses, but there will be many good memories as well; if you gave up your baby, you may feel guilty the rest of your life. Have you tried counseling? Can you find a mental health clinic or martial/relationship counselor? Check this: Marriage Counseling - Benefits of Marriage CounselingQuote:
Originally Posted by heididixon
First, he must not be a family man. Me and my husband work and he watching our kids and take them out and preferred to spend time with us then his friends. Sometimes I've to make him go out and have fun with his buddies. We mostly spend a lot of time with friends and family. He needs to learn to balance his time between friends and family because kids needs their dads. Can you imagine what your child think that's daddy never home? Talk to him about this issue stat.
Well, to give up a child for adoption will require his approval anyway, so talking to him about is a foregone reality.
I believe doing that, BTW, is one of the greatest acts of selfless love a person can do. So you'll get no speeches from me influencing you against it. The adoptive parents of newborns are the most motivated, resourced people on the planet and I would wish that on any child.
Meanwhile, on the marriage front, if you want some resources and like to read, I can recommend some. Click on my name and shoot me an email and I'll forward some ideas to you.
Dear Heidi,
You picked the wrong man.
That is all.
NK.
(off to pick up my kids, make supper, then take them to the park... and yes, I'm a dad)
Where is your daughter while your at work, and for that matter where is your husband while your at work?? Where is he coming from, and going to??Quote:
heididixon, well I work a 40 hr week so I am not a stay at home mom, and I have an almost 3 year old daughter. My husband just thinks he can go and come as he pleases.
What people are we talking about, your husband??Quote:
People will say things about me like I am cheating and I don't like to hear that so I just stay with my daughter.
Pretty radical to even think of giving your own blood away just because of what you think he is doing? Is there proof? How did you get pregnant again, if he comes and goes? Never mind that answer, I figured it out.Quote:
we just found out we are pregnant again and I have a feeling he is cheating on me and I don't want to put this baby through it so I am thinking about giving it up to a family who will appreciate it.
You and hubie need to have a real long talk!
Listen if you have so many problems you really should have talked to your husband maybe I don't know before you got pregnant because now... your taking that baby's right to have his/her parents away from it while your other child will have a little brother or sister running around that shell never know... and what are you going to tell her that if she would have been the second child you would have given her away... I was put up for adoption at 3 weeks old I love my adopted "parents" there amazing but there's not one day that I don't wish that I could have been raised with my brothers... because I have met them and my mom kept them and gave me up because my dad didn't want a girl... so you really need to put some thought into it before you give that-inocent creature- that -regalo de dios- away as if it were an unwanted pair of shoes...
p.s.regalo de dios means gift from god
My x use to spend ALL his time with his buddies and brag to them that he 'got me pregnant' so that I would be stuck home with them so he knows I am not cheating on him. He would never watch them other than one day a month so I could do the shopping, pay bills and run errands. Years later it hit me how hard I really didn't have a real marriage and he wasn't worth staying with. I got a divorce and kept the kids.
Leave him now. It will be the answer in itself. If he loves you he will come back and try his hardest to make it work.. if he doesn't, then its his loss.
Don't doubt yourself. Are you a good mum? Could you live without the child you already have? If your answer is Yes and No then leave him have your precious baby and let the future work out for itself.
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Originally Posted by heididixon
Is that how it was in your hubbys home as a child?
Did his mom stay home take care of the kids and the house while his dad had bowling night and golf Sat.
That is how it was in my hubbys family growing up. We have been married 5 .5 years and have 2 children together.
He never once got up in the middle of the night with either child. He never changed a chitty diaper. Although he did change pissy ones... lol I swear he thinks if he gets crap on his hand it will melt off... lol
I am a SAHM, so it didn't really bother me too much, but now that they are older, 3 and 4. It irks the hell out of me if he doesn't help. But I am vocal, and let those feelings be heard. Now our 4 yr old is his daddy's shadow. As soon as hubby comes in from work our 4 yr old is right there to ask... We going to go work in the workshop? He will help now with baths as well. He is teaching our 4 yr old how to take a shower. He is uncomfortable bathing our little girl. He will get her dressed after her bath, and brush her hair though. And around the house... he is still as big a mess maker as the kids, so sometimes you have to "retrain" husbands. It took 5 years, but he will now rinse a plate and a cup and put them in the dishwasher, compared to just leaving them where they sit. Also, he Mops the floors and vacuums on Sat. He won't know what you want unless you tell him.
Have you tried to give your Hubby specific duties? Such as giving a bath, reading a bed time story, taking them outside?
Also, you can not unilaterally decide to give your child up for adoption. Your hubby would have to agree as well.
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