Family has helped increase my tantrums through the years
I have come to the realization that I am a temperamental time bomb. If the wrong look, or thing is said I can go from 0-100 in a second. I can flip out on people who I love the most and then I just leave the scene. I have done it to my boyfriend and he had enough so he called for some space/ time to think. I have done it to my younger brother.I feel anger towards my family at times because I feel like sometimes they exclude me from family events or they just think I won't show up. I have struggled to change my behavior throughout the years.
At times I feel like no one really loves me. Like if I am alone in this world. I have been talking to a counselor but I feel like I need to speak to my family. I just tried talking to my mom about it and she kind of brushed me off. I asked her why she does or says the things she says sometimes and she answered its who I am I tell the truth whether it hurts or not. I feel like I get nowhere with her. And, when I try to talk to my dad if he is mad he just walks out and says we'll talk later but later never comes. My boyfriend and I had an argument and told him that maybe he didn't know what he wanted so he got mad at me because he says this is the third time I tell him that and I flipped out on him told him I didn't want to be with him then I regretted saying it because I love him so much and I apologized and told him I loved him and wanted to be with him. I tried talking to my boyfriend and being completely honest with him I broke down and cried hysterically but then when I was done opening up to him he calls for space and time to think about our 3 yr relationship and where its going. I just feel so alone.
Its very ironic because I am an Applied Behavior Analysis therapist and my job is to modify behaviors through the use of reinforcer and therapy. I have gotten honorary certificates and my name is known through the Board of Education. Yet I feel so lost and confused within myself that I am a behavior analyst/ therapist yet can't take my own advice or change my own behavior. Should I leave my home and find a place of my own? Should I isolate from loved ones for a while and find myself? How do I find myself? Can someone please help me? Thank you in advance.