Is my boyfriend too consumed with research or is it just me?
It might seem long but please read.
I have this boyfriend of nearly 3 years now who I've been with since I was a junior in high school. Luck was on our side and we both ended up at UCLA for college. He is and has always been a computer science geek who was actually able to pull a position in a research lab at UCLA for about 2 1/2 years now. He is so consumed with his research that he even started to get not so great grades in school. He is a nice guy and seems to be completely loyal. He was so passionate and I really felt like for a long time we were the best of friends and he would call me so much in a given day all the time just to talk to me. In the beginning, I felt like he would be in a hurry to leave his research job in a lab to come and be with me because I was his priority and main interest. But now, I feel like the tables are turned and it almost feels as if he is in a hurry to leave me and go back to his research. Don't get me wrong, he has always been so interested in his research but I still felt like his main interest was always me. Now it feels like as time passed, it's not so much that he became increasingly interested in research but rather that he became less interested in me so as a result, he tends to spend more time on his research if that makes any sense at all. Some days I don't even see him or really hear from him because he's so into the research that he lately happens to be able to do at home anytime he wants so it's not like he's on a schedule where he has to be somewhere at some job starting at a certain time. It's that unflexible. But still, he fails to pay me as much interest as he used to. And whenever he does call me randomly in a day I feel surprised until I realize that he was out with his dad and was maybe waiting at a Walmart bored so he had nothing better to do than to call me. I've tried talking to him about it but it seems like he NEVER gets mad or stirred (for lack of a better word) at me when I act so serious about how uninterested I feel he is. He swears he doesn't understand what I am saying and that he doesn't understand how his actions make me feel meaningless to him. And then right away, he tries to change the subject and act all passionate or something. I mean I just don't get it. I can't even talk to him sometimes. He doesn't really take interest in things I talk to him about or even attempt to try and identify with my issues I have been having with him. It's like I'm all alone with no one who understands when I used to feel like he was the only one who understands. Sadly enough, I don't even feel like we are right for each other. I plan to be a working person in the future, while he plans to be involved in research which is something I can see him bringing home instead of leaving it at work where it should stay. But after all, it is research. Researchers at my school are dedicated to their research and it seems to be the only thing lurking in their minds. And I was fine with it. I myself even felt interested enough in biology to pursue a possible research goal. But being with him has changed my impressions on being in a relationship with someone who is hardcore about research. Also, he tends to only try and hang out whenever he takes a break to watch a show on his computer or something. It feels like he is doing that just to humor me. I feel like I'm just there for the sake of being there and then it is back to work for him coding all this crap or what have you. I mean our hangout time is watching a dumb show for god's sake and not really even talking or anything. He doesn't call me to talk anymore, he only calls me at like 3 am when he is too tired to work and wants to go to sleep, so he'll try to at least say goodnight. But he doesn't even really do that anymore at sometimes. I feel like it will just consume him and it will be the only thing he is really thinking about all the time like he is now. I can't see him cheating on me either, but I feel like it is a real possibility especially if he meets someone with the same mindset and interests as himself. Worst of all, I feel like he even looks down on me because he only seems to have high respect for those in his field and he only seems to want to talk to those in his field only. I just don't get it anymore. I still love him very much but I don't really feel like I am getting the same in return and I don't deserve it. Sometimes, I don't even feel like he respects me. He seems to treat his own mother better than he treats me, and she is an overweight, uneducated woman who works as a clerk at some library who is by the way, pretty two-faced at times, and it seems like he can be more patronizing to me more than anyone else (although I am a hardworking UCLA student). I try to do as much as I can for him as well. But I don't think that nothing I do will ever be enough for him if he is as uninterested as he is and so reluctant to help me out with these issues. I don't even see the point in getting married to anyone at all in the future if it will just turn out to be in this same type of situation, one moment he's interested the next thing I know things get old. I don't see how I could ever possibly be with anyone who won't get bored or tired of me somehow. I am NOT insecure of myself. I just feel what I feel and that is why I am wanting to push away the one person I love and never give another person a chance ever again. I have always had major trust issues, and I have given up any friends I once had just to spend all my time with him, especially since he doesn't have any friends to go out with and he doesn't want any. His nose is in research and only the people he works with. Now, I feel like just going out with friends and forgetting about him. But it sucks because whenever I was out with friends, I always felt like I wanted to be back with him because I am still hoping for the day he will be back to his fun self, the person I knew when he was once interested. Please tell me what I should do. :(