My 3 yr old is really hard to deal with. He yells for no reason, spitts at people, hits, crys, when he starts yellimg and arguing he seems to be in some other world. It totally freaks me out. He does really weird things. I do time out and redirecting. I work with 2 year olds at a daycare they listen to me better than my own son. I've even taken him to the health dept. for an evaluation. They say he's fine.

If they say he is fine you may have to wait until he is older and out grows some of the terrible two's and see what he STILL does then get him re-evaluated.

I'd say that he may know how to push your buttons Mom. Have you ever tried to completely ignore him and his behavior?

You see, and you probably know this, children are looking for attention. Good or bad, it doesn't matter, it's attention. When he starts a tantrum turn around and walk away (but keep an eye out that he doesn't hurt himself).

When he hits, hold his hands down by his side, get down on his level, look him right in the eye, and tell him that this is unacceptable behavior. If he continues, put him in his room. Tell him he must stay in his room until he is in a better mood. You will have to be consistent with this. He WILL come out, and you WILL take him back. At this point, NO EYE CONTACT. The reason there is no eye contact from you at this point is because he is looking for a reaction. If he does not get one repeatedly he will come to realize he is not getting attention.

When he is arguing, are you arguing back? Why does this continue?

What "really weird things" does he do?

While I love the health department, and do recommend it frequently, it may be time for an evaluation by a pediatrician.

I have tried ignoring his behavior. And I put him in his room for time out but the screaming just gets louder. He ussually don't calm down until he just falls asleep in there
I will try the no eye contact thing. The weird thing is he will be looking off in to space and start yelling no no and he will hit whatever or who ever is in front of him. Like as if he is seeing something I can't see.

It is hard to say until he is older and can explain things better.

My son is the same way. He started showing signs at the age of three but what my son has my be very different from your son. My dr. said he was OK and then things kept getting worse so we had in evaluated at the children's hospitol. Your best bet is to watch what he does and record it in a journal.when he acts up video tape it with out him knowing. Sometimes what you say can mean different things to others. My son has OCD and ODD. He also suffers from anziety isues. When he was having an attack he would always use a key word and race around the house crying. My son has anger issues that he had to learn to control. Do your research and see if there are any mental illnesses in your family. In my familly a lot of them suffer from ADD or ADHD. My son takes after his uncle. Its good to know what to ask your Dr. But just remember some kids go through tereble threes. My daughter was awful at three. When my son was uncontrolable I had to hold him down until he calmed down. He was little so I would hug him and not let him up until he was done fighting me and crying because he knew he did something he wasn't suppose to. Everyone told me to ignore him but that would make him worse. Just try to hold him with out talking to him and see if it works. Sometimes my son was unaware of what he was doing. He would say I'm sorry I can't stop it or something in my head made me mad. It may sound strange to you but its not. At three not all kids understand what is going on. Sorry if I wasn't any help.

Yeah writing down everything and even videotaping it would be good because they can see the history better than saying he is acting up, spitting, crying etc... which comes off more as 'typical two's'

It worked great for me. They were able to see his patterns and what made him snap. They see the whole picture. They were able to help him and teach him how too control his issues. Some of it was as simple as having him do some chores like cleaning up his mess and putting his cup in the sink. Positive works really well to. Praise the good things he does and don't point out the bad things he does. At three they don't understand everything they do wrong.

That does sound like my son. I have video taped one of his episodes. I will jounal on him and see what it comes to. Thanks for the help.

My son was the same way. He didn't listen at all. He screamed if I told him to do something or if he didn't get what he wants. He would hit me and throw some very loud and crazy tantrums. The way I dealt with it is I would tell him to stop (even though he probably wouldnt) and that he needs to calm down, and I always give him the 2 choices rule. Either he can continue crying or I will turn the T.V. off... or If you stop crying and wait a minute ill take you to the park. I have to repeat myself a lot but the most important thing is to keep your word. This calmed him down tremendisly, he will once in a while throw a tantrum but it never last for long.
If you say your going to do something then do it. Never back down cause he will know what you did and he will remember. Time outs normally work when they see something they want to do and they can't cause there on time out. My son got use to it after a while so if he is on time out I will play with his toys and act like it's the best thing in the world and then he regrets getting put on time out. You know with the 2 choices rule my son even uses it on me. Ill tell him he needs to go to sleep the he tells me " no mommy what do you want, you want me to watch tv or play with my toys" lol. But always stick with you word no matter how big of a tantrum he throws.

You know everyone gave great advice and you should try and see which one works best with you, but remember to at least try it for a week. Its not going to work the first time or second or third, it will take some time for him to understand what the rules of the house are. Good luck! And remember your incharge!:)