Hi all,

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago and it's been nothing but an emotional roller coaster ride ever since. I thought with each day things would get better but in fact they seem to get much worse. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we still work together, and share the same office. So I still have to see her 9 hrs a day 5 days a week.

I think it's important to understand my situation if I give a brief description about me and our past. I'm 24 and soon to be 25 and we've known each other for almost 5 years and met at Penn State. This girl was the first person I ever has sex with, and also the first and only girl I can really say I fell in love with.

We dated for about 2½ years while at school and she ended up breaking up with me and started dating a guy she had been hanging out with before she decided to break it off. I was devistated because at the time she was my first real and serious relationship and the fact that I knew she ended up being with a guy that I knew she was hanging around while we were together, made me feel even more awful.

For the next year or so we went our separate ways and I eventually moved on and even dated 2 other girls. I also ended up working out and was in the best shape of my life this time last year. I never felt so great about myself or my life in general, it was quite amazing. Right about this point last year is when we bumped into each other and found out that we were living not too far from each other.

That lead us into randomly hanging out and then it eventually got more and more serious. So we basically had a fresh start and despite what she had did in the past, I was ready to forgive and forget. The very night before I graduated, we were lying in bed together and she looked me straight in the eyes and said she loved me. She said that despite the past that I was always the person she wanted to be with and she loved me. That was the true point in my life when I think I ever fell in love. What she said is basically what I felt. Even though we went a year without really seeing each other and we both dated other people, she was in my mind still and she just claimed the samething. I thought it was fate and we were meant to be.

In October we ended up moving into a house together and things seemed so perfect. We got through the holidays with great success. We had Christmas at our house and it was so cool being able to have my own home and share the holidays with that special someone. Made me really enjoy adulthood. We got through the winter and things seemed great and even hosted easter dinner and we both cooked and set everything up and it was so nice. We both couldn't have been happier together.

However, the coming weeks were when things started to change. She had met up with some old friends from high school and she started hanging out with them a lot. Which is fine because hey, when you live with someone you need to find ways to be independent too. So I enjoyed the fact that she can go hang out with friends and I can do whatever as well. But of course I was blind and didn't realize that she seemed to take a liking to one particular guy. I chose to ignore because things seemed great with us anyway and I didn't thinkthere could be a repeat of what happened in college.

Eventually there was one week where she'd always go out after work and not even come home until real late. Most of the week I'd wake up in the ealry morning hours and she'd be passed out on the couch. Finally I called her out on her behavior and asked her what the deal was. She then proceeded to tell me that she was not happy, she felt suffocated that we lived and worked together, and she did not picture herself being married to me. When asked if there was another guy involved, of course she denied it.

This whole thing prompted me to eventually cry because I was in such shock of what just happened that I had no idea. I was so blind sided and thought I was living a nightmare. I can't recall the last time I had ever even cried. Her actions eventually led me to move out and put my stuff in storage and I currently live with my brother.

I recently found out that not too long after she destroyed me, she is now "casually" seeing one of the guys that she had been hanging around while we were together. So once again, she ends up pulling the samething the first time she broke up with me when we were in college.

I've never felt so betrayed and hurt in my life, but yet I am still in love with her and would take her back if she wanted. It pains me to have to go into work everyday and I have to interact with her. She tries to act like everything is normal and like there was nothing between us at all. This guy even calls her direct extension at work and even today she was talking with him and flirting with him while Im in the room. Talk about being disrespectful of someone's feelings and emotions. She knows I'm still unhappy with how everything has gone down, and yet she's OK with doing what she does?

I need to stop loving this girl. Because she has now twice destroyed me. I was able to gather myself after our first break up but now I just feel awful. I don't even feel healthy anymore and aren't even happy with myself... I guess I just need some kind words of wisdom. I feel I have nothing right now going for me right now, and I don't want to continue on this downward spiral.

It's going to be hard to get over her since your stuck with her for all of those hours at work, but your going to have to try and move on with your life since she has. Maybe she does it in front of you just to see your reaction. Try to explain how you feel about her putting it in your face and ask if she can at least respect you to not do it in front of you.

Thanks for the farely quick reply..

I definitely need to say something. I would never do that to her so I should get the same in return. She probably thinks she has me in this "vice grip" and can do what she wants and I'll still drool for her. So I need to put my foot down real quick...

Yer man that sucks real bad.. Having to see her at work must be very hard.. You just have to tell yourself that it was a lucky escape.. who would want to be with a girl that is dishonest and sneaky.. if you don't have trust and respect you have nothing. Just try show her you are happy with your life and are glad to be rid of her (even if your not just yet). Also try meeting other girls and dating them and see how she feels about that.. This guy probably won't last long she will just get bored again and move on to the next..

Good luck

Jim

Thanks Jimmymat... it certainly has been very hard. Considering she prances around like she has the world (and me) in her very hands.

I have actually hung out with another girl from time to time but I admitted to her that I can't see myself getting too serious until I can get over this. It may take weeks or even months but it's the truth, and I'm not going to force myself into something that I'm certainly not ready for. She respected me for being honest and this girl has been by my side and has been the one person I can really talk to. It's nice to have the support.

I got into work not to long ago and my ex just got here as well. She does look great today but I refuse to let her know that. I gave her a simple good morning and left it at that. We'll see where the rest of the day leads...

Your doing right by speaking and leaving her alone, and it may be a while before you can actually be over her. Doing more things you enjoy outside of work can help a lot.

At the time being it is difficult for you not to think about all that situations and lingering on the past memories also are pretty painful event though they bring back lovely moments... But as time passes by you will find much easier to cope as the new routine will eventually start to take over: new friends, acquaintances, new interests will take place helping you to forget what was so dear to you. It will always takes time. You are young and she is.She may find that you were the best for her actually but another thing is that if she comes back to you now would you be able to accept her again with the whole heart?
Good luck. You will be fine!