My ex husband and I have been divorced almost 4 years now and he hired an attorney to handle our divorce since I couldn't afford one. We had three children in this marriage and we both agreed to joint physical and 50-50 shared custody of the children. We both have worked together for the last few years and both been satisfied with the situation. He recently got remarried and now the kids have a new stepmom. In the meanwhile, I had to move in with my mother because my income is so low. I then met my boyfriend and him and I recently got a small duplex. I am now unhappy with the situatuon because I can't really afford to keep a roof over my kids head. I only can do it because of my boyfriend. I still am asked from my ex to pay half of everything... school, camp, sports and so on. I pay it and then I struggle bad to make my car payment and rent. I am entertaining the idea of modifying our no support order to some support. The kids new stepmom told me I can't call after 9 to talk to my kids. I feel she is trying to replace me and I can't even afford anything for my kids. If my boyfriend left, I would lose my house and car. The kids are with me Tuesday and Wednesday nights and when its my weekend, I have them Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night. Do I have a chance to get some support?

Welcome to AMHD. To answer your question, probably not. In a way, you did major harm to yourself when you didn't take the initiative and hire your own lawyer. It's not just 'cheaper' using your husband's lawyer; it was his job to screw you, and you let it happen. Get away from the car payment situation as fast as possible; and, get to a trade school and update your job capabilities to enhance your income. Do not look to your exhusband for financial security; do it yourself.

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Originally Posted by George_1950

Welcome to AMHD. To answer your question, probably not. In a way, you did major harm to yourself when you didn't take the initiative and hire your own lawyer. It's not just 'cheaper' using your husband's lawyer; it was his job to screw you, and you let it happen. Get away from the car payment situation as fast as possible; and, get to a trade school and update your job capabilities to enhance your income. Do not look to your exhusband for financial security; do it yourself.

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I am not looking for financial security. I am looking for a small amount of support.

Ordinarily, you must show a 'change in circumstances' in order to be successful with a modification of child support. I'm not certain you can carry the burden of proof with the circumstances you have shared thus far, but you can always try. One thing I have learned several times is that children don't get cheaper as they get older. Your financial independence is crucial to your feelings of happiness and contentment, so keep your eyes open for better opportunities.

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Originally Posted by George_1950

Ordinarily, you must show a 'change in circumstances' in order to be successful with a modification of child support. I'm not certain you can carry the burden of proof with the circumstances you have shared thus far, but you can always try. One thing I have learned several times is that children don't get cheaper as they get older. Your financial independence is crucial to your feelings of happiness and contentment, so keep your eyes open for better opportunities.

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What kind of change in circumstance? You are right.. I screwed myself and now I want to unscrew myself before anymore time goes by. He got remarried and she is raising my kids while he works and I work. Isn't that a "change in circumstance"?

"Change in circumstances" ordinarily means change in economic circumstances as a result of change in job, health, etc. What state are you in? Also, what does your custody agreement say about modification of child support, if anything?

You need to consult with an attorney. A change in circumstances would be a big increase in your ex's income or a big decrease in yours. Or a change in the custody arrangement.

I don't see any of those. As noted, you screwed yourself by going into the divorce without your own representation. The only way you will get out of the pickle you got yourself into is by consulting with your own attorney.

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Originally Posted by George_1950

"Change in circumstances" ordinarily means change in economic circumstances as a result of change in job, health, etc. What state are you in? Also, what does your custody agreement say about modification of child support, if anything?

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I don't believe it says anything. I did read online somewhere that a spouse remarrying is a change of circumstance. I have an attorney I am seeing Thursday who seems to think I can get it done. I have to pay 800.00. Also, my ex just told me he got a promotion and a pay raise

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

You need to consult with an attorney. A change in circumstances would be a big increase in your ex's income or a big decrease in yours. Or a change in the custody arrangement.

I don't see any of those. As noted, you screwed yourself by goign into the divorce without your own representation. The only way you will get out of the pickle you got yourself into is by consulting with your own attorney.

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I am seeing an attorney Thursday. I have to pay a large amount of money to him. Hopefully that will get it done!

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Originally Posted by George_1950

"Change in circumstances" ordinarily means change in economic circumstances as a result of change in job, health, etc. What state are you in? Also, what does your custody agreement say about modification of child support, if anything?

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I am in Iowa

Yes a remarriage is a change in circumstances, but not necessarily in your favor.

But talk to the attorney, they will know better whether you can get it done.

I also have 50/50 with my two daughters... does he pay you any support right now? If you put your monthly salaries together, what % does your ex make up? My situation is that I make roughly 66% of our combined income. I pay $450 per month in child support.

Hope this helps...

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Originally Posted by joeyhd1966

I also have 50/50 with my two daughters...does he pay you any support right now? If you put your monthly salaries together, what % does your ex make up? My situation is that I make roughly 66% of our combined income. I pay $450 per month in child support.

Hope this helps...

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He does not pay me any support. He paid me 400.00 a month out of court when we first split and then he hired an attorney got our divorce done and there was a no support put in order and a 50-50 joint. I make about 1200.00 a month and he makes proabably close to 3,000 a month. I am just worried that since I didn't do it from the start that I am screwed. But I am willing to pay the lawyer whatever it takes to get it done, which is why I am thinking a have a fighting chance??

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Originally Posted by Amandalyn

He does not pay me any support. He paid me 400.00 a month out of court when we first split and then he hired an attorney got our divorce done and there was a no support put in order and a 50-50 joint. I make about 1200.00 a month and he makes proabably close to 3,000 a month. I am just worried that since I didnt do it from the start that I am screwed. But I am willing to pay the lawyer whatever it takes to get it done, which is why I am thinking a have a fighting chance?!?!

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I'm in Florida so it may be different in Iowa. I would venture to say that you will probably get child support if you fight it. As I understand it in Florida, you can revise the support amount as income levels change until the children are 18. What you have stated above is a very sizable difference in your income levels. He makes over 70% of your combined income. I am extremely surprised that a judge would have let him off the hook... even if you all agreed that he wouldn't pay support. In Florida, a financial child support worksheet has to accompany the divorce decree and the judge has to sign off. Again, I would be very surprised if you don't get some help.

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Originally Posted by joeyhd1966

I'm in Florida so it may be different in Iowa. I would venture to say that you will probably get child support if you fight it. As I understand it in Florida, you can revise the support amount as income levels change until the children are 18. What you have stated above is a very sizable difference in your income levels. He makes over 70% of your combined income. I am extremely surprised that a judge would have let him off the hook...even if you all agreed that he wouldn't pay support. In Florida, a financial child support worksheet has to accompany the divorce decree and the judge has to sign off. Again, I would be very surprised if you don't get some help.

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Well I proabably screwed myself trying to be the "nice" ex wife. I didn't want to be the nightmare ex wife and take his money if he was going to provide for the kids. I wanted to be different and trying to be different got me screwed. He says he is going to fight me and I am just jealous because he makes more money and has a good life and can provide for his children and I cant. That is not the case at all. I have a decent life. I just want more time with my kids instead of their stepmom raising them because I have to bust me butt at work. If I can get some support, I can be with them more and pay for more and do more things for them instead of new stepmom getting that luxury. You know?

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Originally Posted by Amandalyn

Well I proabably screwed myself trying to be the "nice" ex wife. I didnt want to be the nightmare ex wife and take his money if he was going to provide for the kids. I wanted to be different and trying to be different got me screwed. He says he is going to fight me and I am just jealous because he makes more money and has a good life and can provide for his children and I cant. That is not the case at all. I have a decent life. I just want more time with my kids instead of their stepmom raising them because I have to bust me butt at work. If i can get some support, I can be with them more and pay for more and do more things for them instead of new stepmom getting that luxury. ya know?

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You have them 50% of the time right now? Does the $3000 he makes include money his wife makes? You can only use his income. As long as they spend 50% of the nights with you (182 over nights), and the $3000 is his income alone, you should win. I don't really even think you need an attorney, but I'd be safe and get one not knowing all of the details of the divorce decree. That is your call. It seems pretty cut and dry to me. If I was in your situation, I would go to the courthouse and fill out the necessary paperwork. He would have to submit his paycheck stub for earnings and you would do the same. Fill out the applicable worksheet... very easy to do. It will show what amount he contributes and what amount you contribute. Subtract your contribution from his and that is the amount he has to pay you monthly. This is how its done in sunny Florida.

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Originally Posted by joeyhd1966

You have them 50% of the time right now? Does the $3000 he makes include money his wife makes? You can only use his income. As long as they spend 50% of the nights with you (182 over nights), and the $3000 is his income alone, you should win. I don't really even think you need an attorney, but I'd be safe and get one not knowing all of the details of the divorce decree. That is your call. It seems pretty cut and dry to me. If I was in your situation, I would go to the courthouse and fill out the necessary paperwork. He would have to submit his paycheck stub for earnings and you would do the same. Fill out the applicable worksheet....very easy to do. It will show what amount he contributes and what amount you contribute. Subtract your contribution from his and that is the amount he has to pay you monthly. This is how its done in sunny Florida.

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The 3,000 is just his income alone. Not hers. Wow, now you have me thinking maybe I should try it without a lawyer! It would save me so much money. But he will fight it. He will hire an attorney, so maybe I should just proceed with the plan to get my own attorney. Hmmmm??

If he has a lawyer you will want one too. His lawyer will show that because of the 50/50 physical custody he shouldn't have to pay. However, even if you do win from what you have been posting I really don't see you being that much happier because if you do what you say and will be home more rather than working you won't actually make any more money and the judge will look down on that. Or at least the judges in my area would. You might want to try talking to him even if its after court becaue even though you say you aren't jealous of his new wife you have mentioned it more thatn once and it really seems like you are and that won't score you any points.

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Originally Posted by stinawords

If he has a lawyer you will want one too. His lawyer will show that because of the 50/50 physical custody he shouldn't have to pay. However, even if you do win from what you have been posting I really don't see you being that much happier because if you do what you say and will be home more rather than working you won't actually make any more money and the judge will look down on that. Or at least the judges in my area would. You might want to try talking to him even if its after court becaue even though you say you aren't jealous of his new wife you have mentioned it more thatn once and it really seems like you are and that won't score you any points.

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I must correct you as you have misunderstood. I am jealous that his new wife gets more time with my kids than I do. Anyone would be jealous of that. That is not a personal problem. That's anyone. I am not jealous of her personally whatsoever. I have a new wonderful fiancé and baby and I love my life. Except I a have an empty spot in my heart and I want my girls more with me. I can show you how I can be happier. I can cut down to part time with his support and spend more time with my growing girls who need their mommy instead of their stepmom always being there for them.

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Originally Posted by joeyhd1966

You have them 50% of the time right now? Does the $3000 he makes include money his wife makes? You can only use his income. As long as they spend 50% of the nights with you (182 over nights), and the $3000 is his income alone, you should win. I don't really even think you need an attorney, but I'd be safe and get one not knowing all of the details of the divorce decree. That is your call. It seems pretty cut and dry to me. If I was in your situation, I would go to the courthouse and fill out the necessary paperwork. He would have to submit his paycheck stub for earnings and you would do the same. Fill out the applicable worksheet....very easy to do. It will show what amount he contributes and what amount you contribute. Subtract your contribution from his and that is the amount he has to pay you monthly. This is how its done in sunny Florida.

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I don't know what your legal experience is but this is not accurate legal advice. OP doesn't even know if she has grounds to file for a modification and it's far from cut and dry.

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Originally Posted by Amandalyn

I must correct you as you have misunderstood. I am jealous that his new wife gets more time with my kids than i do. Anyone would be jealous of that. That is not a personal problem. Thats anyone. I am not jealous of her personally whatsoever. I have a new wonderful fiance and baby and I love my life. Except I a have an empty spot in my heart and I want my girls more with me. I can show you how i can be happier. I can cut down to part time with his support and spend more time with my growing girls who need their mommy instead of their stepmom always being there for them.

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Sorry but I get testy when people posting get testy with people who have and do give good, sound legal advice and tell it like they see it.

This is the agreement you've had for some time; you didn't have an "empty spot in your heart" until your ex remarried; you didn't need to spend more time with your growing girls - until your ex remarried; now you can't afford to live on your own, have a new baby with the boyfriend and suddenly need support in order to survive - by your own admission.

It sounds shallow and jealous.

I don't see changed circumstances here - other than your ex remarried (which he is entitled to do) and you had another child (which you are allowed to do).

Hopefully your Attorney sees qualifying changed circumstances.

Check this, if you haven't already: Child Support

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Sorry but I get testy when people posting get testy with people who have and do give good, sound legal advice and tell it like they see it.

This is the agreement you've had for some time; you didn't have an "empty spot in your heart" until your ex remarried; you didn't need to spend more time with your growing girls - until your ex remarried; now you can't afford to live on your own, have a new baby with the boyfriend and suddenly need support in order to survive - by your own admission.

It sounds shallow and jealous.

I don't see changed circumstances here - other than your ex remarried (which he is entitled to do) and you had another child (which you are allowed to do).

Hopefully your Attorney sees qualifying changed circumstances.

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Maybe you should know the whole story before you say things like that. Maybe I didn't realize there was a problem until their stepmom told me a few weeks back the hours I can call my kids when they are at their house. Maybe I am not happy that she left my 5 year old home alone to go get the other kids from school. Maybe you should think and ask questions before you run your mouth. Maybe I can call my kids at 8 at night on a summer night to tell them I miss them without her interferring. And when someone tells me I can't call my kids, that is not jealousy... thats rage! Maybe there are so many other things that are leading me to check into this that you don't even know about!