I have a young adult daughter, who lives at home with some dissibilities, after her dads death she receives benefits of medical from this, she has been dating this guy for 3.5 yrs now, all was OK until 2 yrs ago when he did a no no in my home, and it was a big blow out. Now he does not talk to me, nor his own mom for 5 yrs, nor will he come to our house nor will he go to family gatherings, I'm from a close family to include the relationship with my daughter she is my life. She has low self esteem when it comes to a boyfriend, but weeks daily and does very well, I have offered my opoligy to him, and welcome him to our home again, but he will not except. I know I have been tight on my daughter on things like driving I now for 1 yr have allow her to drive alone as I only wanted to make sure she was able to do so, just a concerned mom who loves her I had some things added to her car to help her with her disibility of 1 hand, I know he puts a lot in her head like I treat her like a baby and etc, he has no family morals no respect, he could if he wanted to I have seen this. Life to him is a big joke as he wants to be a professional comedian one day. Now its to the point that my daughter and I had a argument and mean things were said. I told he I was very sorry and none of this was meant to be said it was all anger and hurt I will always be here for my daughter as I love her so much and she is my life. Letting go will be very hard to do but much easier if I know in my heart it is the right choice. She now wants to move to his house or should I say his dads house as he too still lives at home, if she does she takes the chance of losing her medical benefits from her dads death, I have told her until you know it's the 110% right person and the right move don't do it. She will be with him all weekend and no call to mom at all, 3/4 days but Monday morn when she gets to week mom gets a call, this hurts me so bad, I need advice of how to convince her to at least be home a few nights a week and not move and go to his house a few night a week if it means that much, how do I do the right thing to win my daughter back and her see the light.. also on the no no he did in my home I never told his dad so I carried the stress alone. Any and all advice will be helpful.

All you can do is let her make her own mistakes. You told her you will always be there for her. Pushing the issues will only drive her further away.

I'm trying very hard to do that, but its very hard to watch someone you love so much make a wrong turn.

Someone once told me to be my child's safety net, but don't let him/her use me for a hammock. It was advice that's done quite well through the years.
What do you believe would be the best thing you can do for your daughter? What ever that answer is, I'm sure you have it already. TRUST YOURSELF! Any decision you make is born out of concern for HER. Don't worry about how she feels about it, and don't refrain from moving in that direction for fear of losing her. Children are guests in a parents home. Temporary guests, not permanent residents. Our job isn't to take care of them. It's to teach them to eventually take care of themselves. I hope this helps.

Yes I know I guess I'm a coward, what I believe would be the best for her I'm scared it will push them closer together, Im just so confused and hurt right now I'm just taking a day at a time. Its crazy anymore, I have never questioned myself on how to and what to say to her when I see her, I'm always just myself and we have always been that way open with each other. And now I feel like I'm in a different world

Just wait.if this is the wrong choice you need to let her find out on her own. She loves you and you love her, give her time and space and room to grow. She's not your little baby anymore, and you have to face that.

Yes I know she isn't, but she also is not the adult she thinks she is in thinking or acting, and I know she will have to learn the hard way and her way and that's what hurts, because I just don't want to see her go through it. I'm trying very hard to give her the space and time and I miss her very much, she did call today first time in 3 days and it was such a reliefe to hear her, I pray for her safety and she soon comes home a lot more ofton

I have a similar situation with my daughther who is being controlled by her boyfriend and can't see it. He has ruined her self esteem, etc... Maybe if you told your daughter... honey, it would help me a lot if you would just give me a quick call each day, let me know you are OK... at least this way she will be in constant contact with you and then hopefully, she will have her eyes opened about him and if not, you can not help that, only be there for her when the walls fall down. And you know what else, just because he is her boyfriend, you are not required to like him, entertain him or accept him and his ways. If she chooses to be with him, let her, but you don't need to be controlled by him also! Good luck.

Thanks so much those were helpful information, I have let go a little but still worry so much as she is my daughter and only child, and there is so much for her to loose when she leaves home, I talk to her daily and ask her why don't you and your friend come by for dinner, her reply is he's not ready, well I have no idea after 2 yrs of the mishap when will he be ready