Hello,
Let me start at the beginning. I met my wife about 9 years ago. We courted for about 4 years before getting married. To be honest it wasn't a very cordial relationship even then, but somehow we managed to stay together, with me holding up the relationship more than her. She comes with certain personal problems which made a marriage at that point in her life an escape from her situation.
From the very beginning of our marriage, I could see that she wasn't too loving or caring. She never liked physical intimacy with me. Before she met me, she was interested in someone who was already married and I know she used to meet him and was also physically intimate with him, but if I broached the subject with her she used to get upset. I remember a day just a few days after our wedding that I was down with fever and she went out with him for coffee. Anyway, I let it be as she used to say that they were just friends and also I had married her against my family's wishes and I didn't want a confrontation at that point in my life. She used to talk to him on IM and when I started looking at her chat logs and they were quite explicit, but with me it was always hard to engage in anything physical. When I used to confront her with the chat messages she used to get upset that I was spying on her. After a while we moved out and went abroad. It was the same even then. They used to chat the same way. Also she started getting close to a friend of mine and she used to chat with him as well. Once she went back to our country alone while I was scheduled to go after a few days. She met this friend of mine and I knew that something had happened, but I wasn't able to prove anything so I let it be. Also if I did ever bring up the subject she would say that I was spying on her and that she would kill herself if I even raised that subject again.
After a lot of effort we ended up in having intercourse a few times in all our married life and she got pregnant, I think this was the biggest mistake of mine. In any case, we had a baby boy with a difficult delivery and he was diagnosed with a disability.
A few months ago she had been back to our place and when she returned, in one of her chats with her friend I found her saying "why do you do this to me", "you always break my heart" etc. And also in her conversations with the friend of mine that I mentioned above, I came to know that they had slept together. When I confronted her, it was the same story... she became upset that I was spying on her and that she would kill herself. She is still in touch with him and he sent her his phone number in a message a day ago. I know he is just looking for an easy lay, I don't know what she is looking for.
One of the reasons I can imagine, is that I am not good looking, I am short and perhaps she is not attracted to my physically.
She says she loves me, but I can't believe her for all the above reasons. Now she is back at our place for a vacation and says that she wants to go out for coffee with her friend and that it is just friendship and that I should allow her to relax.
I really don't know what to do. For the sake of my child, I need to keep this relationship going. Actually I do love her, but when I think of all these things, my heart justs breaks. What should I do? I am at the end of my tether... Thank you for your patience in reading this long sad affair, but I honestly have nowhere to turn to except an anonymous forum.
