My spouse and I have lived together for 10 years. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage. He was married once before and has no children. The last 5 years we have been to counseling off and on. Things get better for a while, then back to the same disagreements over the kids.

He wants them to love him, they want no pressure from him. I feel stuck. I love him, but he just can't forge a relationship with any of the kids. Kids are 22, 20, and 17.

Recently he's told me he wants to move out. I think this is a good idea. I am hoping separate living arrangements might relieve all the stress we are all going through. I hope to use this time to see if we have a future together. I fear he may see this as the end. Communication between us has stopped. He only barks demands at me and can only discuss things via email or text messages.

I'm looking for a male perspective here.

Here is one : He is wrong. You can not force children - specially not of that age - to love you. But surely that is no reason not to communicate other than with barking at you.
You do not write about the rest of your marriage, about love, about attraction, about sex, so I assume that all these are also not rating positive at the moment. And all the counseling supports that view too.

Besides that : this relation seems to be at an all time low. Without communication between the partners there is no future in the relation.
He wants to move out, and as you think that a temporal separation may provide the space for both of you to review your positions, go for it !
But from your lines I fear that you are correct in expecting this to be the end of the line.

My best wishes to you all.

It sounds like he really cares about the children, but they are at that age that they may find it hard to love him for whatever reason. Maybe you could sit the children down and explain how much he cares for them, maybe that will draw them closer. If not, there's nothing else you can really do.

Try talking with your huusband also.

It seems there has been quite a while for your husband to "forge a relationship." I do believe the initative must be his and not yours or the kids toward that end. I think you can be a positive influence but not the "deal-maker."

In my opinion, the marriage relationship in a family is the primary one, even in blended families. That is hard, hard, and hard to develop in some family combos. Kids can easily feel jealous, competitive, and rejected when it is so. In some cases, they try to sabotage the marriage.

In addition, I like "Cre-'s" response below. Best wishes from me too!

Have you heard of controlled separation? Check this: "Controlled separation allows couples who are experiencing problems to live separately and, at the same time negotiate and work toward finding solutions to the marital problems. It has been found to be successful when one spouse was adamant about divorcing. Putting distance between the spouses and individual work with a counselor helps spouses see things from a different perspective." Controlled Separation - What is a Controlled Separation?