At the risk of sounding cliché, some friends and I were talking and we started to debate:

"Is it possible to have an intellectual affair of sorts and still be faithful to your spouse?" Meaning if you met someone of the same or opposite sex, clicked with them intellectually in such a way that you became mentally closer to this person than your spouse, would this be an affair of the intellectual kind?

For all of us with our best friends whom we can share everything with in such detail and intimacy, is this unfaithfulness? What if you have tried with your spouse and they do not want to or are not capable of sharing this with you, and it takes nothing away from your and your spouse's relationship?

So we came to the question... when does an intellectual thought go from being benign to being adultry?

We could not come to a consensus. Only answer if you want and please do not let this sureal question take away from those with real problems.

In a committed relationship friends have to take a back seat. Whatever puts your partner in second place, is kept secret or might make them feel insecure is going to have consequences. An obviously intelligent and unpretentious person like yourself would know the literal meaning of the phrase: "Honi soit qui mal y pense..." meaning "the evil in men's minds is the evil that men do." Take from that what you will.

Hum, I don't know. Would this border on an emotional affair? If you connect with someone else and in turn can't be open with your spouse about it - then yes, it is an affair of sorts.

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Originally Posted by NowWhat

Hum, I don't know. Would this border on an emotional affair? if you connect with someone else and in turn can't be open with your spouse about it - then yes, it is an affair of sorts.

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That's where I draw the line, can I tell my wife about it, if no, its wrong in my view.

I think affair is a strong word that usually indicates some sexual act has taken place, so my answer is no to your question.

There are many very happy couples who don't always have the same intellectual interests in life, who automatically make friends, join groups or clubs etc.. to carry out and fufil those interests or hobbies or what ever you want to call them... a classic line from couples who have visited my house is... he/she doesn't understand... that's fine and they do their own thing,maybe later discussing together how their club meeting went or what ever it may have been.
Sometimes this can be good because they have more things to talk about when they are together, rather than the same if they do all things with each other.

I think if you choose to keep meetings with a friend especially of the opposite sex a secret, even if it is perfectly innocent, then your leaving yourself open to all kinds of interpretation... why would you anyway.

An intellectual thought becomes benign when it ceases to be only a thought.


Thinking it is one thing... doing it is another

How would your spouse feel about this? If your spouse would be okayy with it than it would not be on the same line as an affair. If you have to keep it a secret, you may want to separate yourself from the other individual or it may cause some problems in the end.

How do intimate relationships start? By being just that kind of friend that you are talking about. So in the end it many be adultery