HI,
I've been in a relationship with this amazing guy for the past 6.5 years. He's 30 and I'm 31... we love each other deeply, he's caring, loving etc... but

We have sex like 1-2 times a month, I asked him why and he says I don't know why? He says he's attracted to me, but he's not used to be the one who starts... is it normal?? should I be the one starting all the time? Does he have a physical problem?it's very hard, cause I think he doesn't care about me or love me or want me?I've never had a guy like this before and I'm having a very hard time...

Help please...

Try being the one that starts and see what happens.
Sometimes he might be in the mood, sometimes not.
IF he still is never in the mood then talk to him again about it.

I think before you have a talk with him you have to evaluate what you want for a large portion of the rest of your life... marriage and children? Career goals? Hobbies and altruistic work? New hobbies to take up? And so on. The reason I say this is that you are getting older, and that increased age is super important regarding having children and career.

Back to the talk... is not having frequent sex a deal breaker for you, will you break up with him? If not, no threats. Discuss going to a sex therapist for help negotiating an arrangement that is acceptable to both of you. :)

Best wishes to you both!

That's kind of like me and my boyfriend.. we've been dating for almost 8 months now and we just had sex for the first time like 3 weeks ago, and we finally did it again for the second time ever, tonight.. (which by the way, lasted not even 5 minutes! ) ( and I'm the one who was kind of pushing him to have sex with me, which is annoying me because I feel like he doesn't "want me") but its so frustrating, especially when you hear about people who have sex like every day... but you guys have been together a lot longer.. so did this problem just recently start? Or have things been this way for a long time now?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DIDINUNU

He says he's attracted to me, but he's not used to be the one who starts...... is it normal ????should i be the one starting all the time?

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Firstly,it's great that he's still attracted to you :)

It's understandable the frustration you must have,having to be the one who makes
The first move :(

As "Choux" has said, would you break up with him, if sex wasn't frequent? Discuss going to a sex therapist for help, negotiating an arrangement that is acceptable to both of you.

How does he respond once sex is initiated? Does he work to please you? Does he have any performance issues? Tough to pick this apart without more info.

Some people are risk takers.. they can risk being denied 100 times just to get that one "win"... and then some are more passive, needing reassurance of "success" before they let themselves go...

There is no one perfect right way... best case is usually both sides feel a balance between being chases and being the chaser. That he doesn't initiate doesn't mean he's a terrible lover... we don't know enough yet. A man who need a "green light" but who is responsive, giving, and talented might be a good "catch"...

Personally, I like quid pro quo... I like a confident woman who isn't afraid to put me to the wall, but who also desires my direct, deliberate attempts at seduction. But that's me. Some want to be the chaser always... some want to be chased always.

So... without knowing more info about how things are once they get going... its hard to tell you what to do next.

More info please?