How can I stop the verbal abuse?he just gets nastier and nastier everyday.and then wonders why I won't talk to him?

Verbal abuse is not good. I've had two bfs in the past that were verbally abusive. In different ways. One would yell and call me names and threaten me. He became physically abusive and I got out. The other one several years later he didn't call names but he would talk (loudly) to me (at me) obsessively, continually any time he was around. And insist I would sit and listen to him ramble about his dreams of becoming a 'rockstar' or whatever for hours on end. I couldn't do anything else. He became physical too and I got out of that too. Verbal abuse is abuse and it usually will become physical. Even if it doesn't it's plenty of reason to get out.

If you love him you should end it and tell him to seek anger management counseling. You'd need to feel completely convinced that he has learned not to do that anymore though before you took him back.

Here is an important book for you to read now:
'The Verbally Abusive Relationship' by Patricia Evans. It lists numerous types of abuse, and has examples. It's not just name calling, it's putdowns, one-upmanship, all kinds of ways people can use words, speech, language to abuse you.

Men don't change. Well, they can, but you can't make him. He has to want to. I know you probably get tired of reading those "drop him and move on" posts, but that's really the best thing I can think of for you. Sorry 'bout that, but I do wish you the best of luck.

You can't , so you either decide to put up with it which will eventually lead to worse behaviour , or you make the decision to not put up with it and leave him.

He may then see the error of his ways and try to sort himself out.

Men are motivated by loss. I'm sorry, but you will never "talk" him into treating you nicer. The only way he will learn, and ACTUALLY learn, is if it costs him something big. That may mean it has to cost him you.

If you DO decide to end it with him, you can teach him the most by waiting until he's in the middle of his abusive tirade at you. When it's your turn to respond, give him a hug, let him know you love him, but it's clear RIGHT NOW by the way he's talking to you that he isn't able to be happy in a relationship with you, so you're going to let him go.

He may or may not protest, but you keep saying that same thing: "I can tell by the way you think it's ok to talk down to me, demean me, put me down, make me feel bad about myself and my actions, I can tell by the way you are able to do that so freely that I am not the girl that will make you happy. That girl wouldn't bring out so much anger in you. You think you're right when you do this to me, clearly you think it's OK to be this way, and since that's not true, it's not alright at all, then I'm going to let you go so you can find someone who inspires you to be a GOOD man even more strongly than I appear to inspire you to be a BAD one."

Hopefully, he will get it. But if you take him back, you will still (most likely) end up getting the same bad stuff from him. For him to TRULY get it, you may have to break up with him, tell him it's because of the way he abuses you verbally, you can't take it, and you're gone. IF it actually costs him YOU, maybe he will be less abusive in his next relationship. Maybe. No guarantees.

Either way, whether he's better or not for the next girl, you're safely on to finding something better. Happy hunting. They're out there!

You have to decide yourself worth, if you believe ( as you are) you are worth more than to be talked to in this manner then just do not allow it, if he starts talking bad, walk off, hang up on him, just don't allow it to happen, in the end, just find someone who treats you properly.

He obviously neither respects nor values you as a person or partner. Do you really need this? I think not. Don't make excuses for him. That doesn't solve the problem, it only exacerbates it.

If you want to lose the verbal abuse, there's only one route to take: lose the guy.

Get out of the relationship, it isn't good for you, he's crossing all the boundaries and it will get worst. He will say sorry, then do it more worst next time. Hes a control insecure freak that will take out all his out on you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mamapup

how can i stop the verbal abuse?he just gets nastier and nastier everyday.and then wonders why i wont talk to him?

---

Leave his abusive a$$, and never look back!

Leave!
Men like that think they do N0 wrong and it is all your fault no matter how hard you try or how much it was them alone that caused the problem.
I have tried the don't talk because then it will give him less to pick about but it doesn't make it any better whatsoever.