My ex and I were together for five years (I just broke up with him) and had know each other for seven. For the bulk of our relationship things were very one sided on a lot of levels. I cleaned the house, paid some of HIS bills, bought groceries and cooked for him. I would constantly write him love notes, buy him things, and just generally try to make him know that I cared about him. Our sex life was unacceptable; he would frequently watch porn and has a sex addiction problem. We would not have sex that often and when we did it was short and gratifying to only him about 85% of the time. He did not seem to care when other guys (including his own brother) would constantly make overtly sexual comments about me and my body right in front of him, yet if guys even flirt with his sister he throws a fit. I would rarely fight with him and had NEVER yelled at him once over the whole five years (even when his behavior was extremely hurtful) yet he would be easily upset at me over the most ridiculous trite thing. He most recently stopped taking care of his appearance and wearing the same dirty cloths every day for a week and not brushing his hair or shaving his face ECT. I know it sounds silly but I am having a hard time letting him go; there are also (among the bad) some great things about him. He is funny, sweet and always told me how much he loved me and that he couldn’t imagine his life with out me, he spent a lot of time with me and did try on occasion to make me feel special. Now that I have left him he feels “F@#$ed over” and is hurt and wanting sympathy, I do still love him and I miss him but I gave him many chances to change what was wrong (even told him specifically what needed to change) but he chose not to take action I guess. He is not a bad person, just obliviouse of other people. Am I wrong for wanting to get out of this relationship, am I abandoning him? I am trying to be strong, it is not that I don’t love him, I just feel I may deserve better. Am I being unfair for wanting more? :confused:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LillyL

I do still love him and I miss him but I gave him many chances to change what was wrong (even told him specifically what needed to change) but he chose not to take action I guess.

---

People only change when THEY want to change, no one can force someone to change, regardless of if you told him what exactly you wanted him to change or not, if he didn't want to, then he wasn't going to.

As far as him feeling hurt, well yeah, that's a given. Anytime someone says "Hey, I don't want to be with you anymore!" Its going to hurt the other person, no matter what. Even if it was on relatively good terms.

I was in a similar situation with my ex. We were together a year, he didn't think he had to work, he lost his car (poor monetary decisions) so he used mine, I paid for all the gas, his rent, my rent, all of the food, presents for him for v-day, anniversary (I never received anything) and when I bought something for myself, he got upset.

Your boyfriend sounds selfish to me if he lets you do all that stuff and doesn't try. I don't think you're being unfair, I think that you're giving him a wake up call. So I'd just stay strong and let him figure it out.

It is your right to move on if you are unhappy. Never stay with someone who does not make you happy. Doesn't seem like he is willing to give much to the relationship.

If he was 98% of a time in a day a good lover to you and still ur wanting more, then ur unfair. But based on your story here which is mostly negative, ur decision is just right.

He wants a mommy and he is MAD you cut that off!
N0 he will not change. Maybe for another girl but not for you because he expects you to accept things as they were.

Am I wrong for wanting to get out of this relationship...
No, not at all. Nothing wrong with knowing what it takes for you to keep your sanity and expect that as at least a minimum. You're fine.

...am I abandoning him?
Um, technically, yes you are. Abandoning is one word... freeing him to his next adventure... that's another way to say the same thing.

Are you looking to find some words to describe it that make you so uncomfortable that you WON'T stand up for yourself? That's not good.

I am trying to be strong, it is not that I don't love him, I just feel I may deserve better.
That is the PERFECT way to think of it. Well done. Just because you care for someone doesn't make them a good match. On that, you are right.

Am I being unfair for wanting more?
Nope. He won't agree, but the answer is still "nope".

Ok so I don't really have time to read the other posts so please excuse me if I'm repeating anything

I have to say I don't think you're making a mistake.. he doesn't seem right for you.. you deserve to be treated better than that. I'm sure that when you finally decide you don't want him in your life anymore and move on and start dating other good people that treat you right, you will be so gratful that you did this..

I am really proud of you for breaking up with him and being strong, that takes A LOT of guts.. it's never easy leaving the one you love.. but I think for your well being, it's for the best.. just imagine if you decided to stay with him and marry him, things would get 100 times WORSE!! Guaranteed. And you can't continue a relationship hoping someone will change for you, it just doesn't work like that..