I love my boyfriend; we've been together for about 5 months and I have feelings for him. Our relationship has been very whirlwind, and we are supposed to move in together very soon. There are a lot of qualities I really like about him, and I am attracted to him... but... I can't say I find him sexy. Like.. I have think about my ex to get off when I am physical with him. Is this right; does this mean I'm in the right kind of relationship or not"? I know that I care a lot for this man( I even get jealous sometimes), so... I just wanted to ask if this is the way things are in relationships sometimes? Is it normal.. basically; or will this feeling eventually go away as time goes by...
Please Help

Sure you care for him deeply... But if my girlfriend had to think about her ex while having sex with me to enjoy it I wouldn't want to be with her. This isn't fair to him. There are a lot of dimensions to a relationship and physical attraction and sex are a big part of it.

How would you feel if he had to think about having sex with another girl while being with you to get off?? Incredibly hurt I am sure... Would you still want to be in that relationship? Really think about that, and maybe reconsider if this relationship is a good thing.

There are multiple things wrong with this post than your original post. You have been together for 5 months and are already moving in together? You guys are still strangers to each other.
Yes, it is wrong and not normal to think about your ex while you are sleeping with him. You are cheating on him emotionally. This is completely wrong and could maybe show you aren't over your ex.

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i love him, but don't find him sexy

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That is a good reason not to move in together. After 5 months, what makes you think it will get better if it hasn't already? Not a good idea.

I'd have to agree. It's just my opinion- but moving in at 5 months is too soon. But a bit late on to think you'll suddenly start finding him "sexy". People say looks don't matter-- but if you're thinking about your ex while with him, this is an issue. Also it could be a bigger issue if you're not over your ex.

Does my partner think about another when we are having sex? I'm sure it might happen. But id be ticked if it happened all the time and if she needed the crutch of thinking about an ex lover all the time to get off.

If you can't focus on him and get the ex out of your head, you aren't over the ex and you aren't enough into the new man.

IIunderstand what you guys are saying its just that... my ex never treated me too well and its taken me a long time to even want to be with someone else on a regular basis. He's a very hard act to follow in the attraction department. But I've been trying to look at the bigger picture and what kind of man I really need in my life. The guy I'm seeing makes me feel special so far, and like I said its not as if I'm unnattracted to him... Its just that physically he's not the same. Mostly because he's about 10 years older than me. But, those other qualities: hardworking, understanding, patient, a little badboyish, and wanting to take care of me feels good.
Sometimes I fight myself because I'm not sure if I focus on physical attraction too much. I want to be mature about this situation, and not dwell on only one part of a relationship that may not be very significant; which is why I was looking for outside opinions-)

I know I'm no catch in the looks department. A sexual life includes fantasy and who am I to put rules and emotional strings on what my wife needs to "get off" while we're having sex? I may be a bit simplistic, but she IS IN BED WITH ME, right?

Do we REALLY have to control of/approve of every thought in our mates' minds? Holey cow! If fantasizing about Bruce Willis helps my wife get off, good for her! I'll even give her a "yippe-ka-yah" if that's what she needs.

Sheesh, people, am I the only one who thinks peoples' personal fantasies should NOT be a topic of "issues" to be solved? Put me on the island, man.

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Originally Posted by Kia

I love my boyfriend; weve been together for about 5 months and I have feelings for him. Our relationship has been very whirlwind, and we are supposed to move in together very soon. There are alot of qualities I really like about him, and I am attracted to him....but....I can't say I find him sexy. Like .. I have think about my ex to get off when I am physical with him. Is this right; does this mean I'm in the right kind of relationship or not"? I know that I care alot for this man( I even get jealous sometimes), so ...I just wanted to ask if this is the way things are in relationships sometimes? Is it normal..basically; or will this feeling eventually go away as time goes by...
Please Help

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Personally, I think the relationship will eventually end between you two. Sexual chemistry in any adult relationship is huge and important. I would hate to think my man was thinking about someone else! How would you feel? My ex and I were kind of like that, and it ended because of frustration in that department. His looks will not change, however if you fall in love with him, you may find yourelf 10x more attracted to him. If you can't enjoy you bedroom life with him for who he is, then I think it's a red flag.

p.s. by ALL means, do not move in with him this soon. I have done it before, and unless he is the man you KNOW you will marry, do not.

Slow Down, Date Other Men So You Know The Feeling Of Being With The Right Person, An Dhave Fun With Your Girlfriends. Life Is Too Short. Don't Settle.

I think that your not physically attracted to him could mean one of two things
Either appearance means more to you than maybe it should
OR maybe something is trying to tell you he is not right for you.
D0 N0T move in with him until you get over the feelings and are more sure of yourself.
Many people are with people they may not feel are physically attractive but there is something more than that that attracts them to love each other like they do.