I'm not in a good place right now and have had to come away from work today as it all just got too much. I'm getting so frustrated and angry with myself that I'm not able to cope with this. The pain is so bad right now that I can't think clearly and I know I am putting the people who love me most through a terrible time right now and I don't mean to but I'm finding it so hard to cope. I don't have any extended family and I'm sure the friends I have got are sick to death hearing about it over and over again. I'm tormented with thoughts that I'm losing it, I'm a bad person and that I should stop feeling sorry for myself etc etc etc it all just keeps going round and round and I'm unable to make sense of it all. How bad does it have to get before it starts to get better? Cause I don't think I can take much more of this.

Hi Can't Breathe,

I am sorry that you are feeling this pain. I wish there was an easy way and a quick way to get over the pain that we all go through, especially with regards to relationships. It is so good that you are here with us though. I know sometimes we feel that we can no longer talks with friends and family because we feel that we are burdoning them, but that is why we are all here. You are not feeling sorry for yourself, and you are not a bad person at all. You were in love, and still are. But, for your own self, you must try and keep yourself busy doing things for YOU. I know, trust me, that this is easier said than done though. Has anything happened recently that brought the pain on today?

I have to see him every day at work. We work in a very small office so I have no chance to escape or stay out of his way. Other people in the office are talking about it and I overheard comments one of them made and it hurt. He is the bigger person as he is carrying on as normal but I can't I'm so upset. Just having to see him at work is ripping me apart but finding another job isn't easy. I have a great salary and a really good job and am in the middle of one of the biggest projects at work I have ever ben given. I really would like to take time off to try and get over this but there is so much depending on this current project and I will do my career major damage if I fail with this. I need my salary to look after my girls. I just don't know what to do anymore. I seem to be in a lose lose situation.

Sweetie,

I used to work with my ex, and I know exactly what you are going through. I know you are in a rock and a hard place, and you are making a good salary and are in the middle of a project, but, honestly, the only way you are going to heal, is to leave that job. I know it is hard, and you are doing great there, but you aren't doing great for your you and your healing. And, that is more important. Even if you have to take a slight pay cut if need be, I think you will be in a much better place. I had to do that, and let me tell you, it was the only way at that time I was able to start healing. By you being there, and seeing him, and your co workers adding their two cents, comments, etc, that is truly not healthy for you at all. If you fall short on money, perhaps your family can help you until you get back on your feet. That is really the only way, that I can see (and lived through myself) that you will be able to get past this.

If you relax and listen to music and try to stay focus at least for a little while you will have a win win. You are alive with a great job! How lucky are you? Not many people can say that... You have kids! Even better! You can do very well on this project and then take your daughters out and soon enough you will be proud and everything will work out. I'm happy for your life, how can you not be. Life is what we make of it. You made yourself get a good job... Now make yourself happy. Go to a spa or go treat yourself. You can't let your mind rule you. Heck, your mind can play so many tricks on you it's not even funny.

I really really REALLY recommend this book called The Battlefield of The Mind by Joyce Meyer... Please read that book. I wish you the best but hang in there... The only problem you seem to have is with a man... Here's a secret... There are over 2 BILLION men in the world... How many people here have fallen in love? That's how many great men are out there... You need to be happy and then do what you have to do. Where there is a will, there is a WAY!

Hello can't breathe, sorry to hear that you are going down, but that means you are getting really close to hitting rock bottom, which is a good thing!! if you can, take time off work great! Now don't even try to fight it!! feel all the sadness you can and cry as hard as you can. And when you think that you cannot make it to live another day, remember of a time in your past when you thought that you couldn't go on but did!! doesn't matter how small and insignificant you think it's is!! and have a mantra!! survivor always have some kind of mantra" "this too shall pass", i' will survive", etc... one thing I learned was that when I looked at the future without her, I thought I was going to lose my mind... but then I was like... Eureka!. can't live through today? Focus on what you need to do Today!! did you reach all your goal Today? then tomorrow do the same thing!! make a list of small goal that you can reach! This will give you a sense of accomplishment and control... and do your best to control the controllable!! it's really crucial otherwise you are going to lose it... Also, make a list of pro and con about the relationship... being w/ him and being w/o him. These are things that worked for me... trust me I felt like I was never going to come out this alive:)... but here I am typing!! You would be surprised on how strong you really hard when your survival instinct kick in... and whenever you feel really really bad, take a pen and paper and write down exactly how you feel and why! As you write you will feel the emotions leave!! journalizing is also important... n sometime once you start writing, you won't stop until the sadness phase is totally out of your system... that really helped me a lot!! this has been proven to have a great therapeutic kick!! you are not a bad person, we all make mistakes and that's life... now chin up and just try to live another day!! if your friends are tired, then definitely writing is the other alternative... trust me!! just try it... have a good day... and remember once you reach rock bottom, then only other way is moving up, so you are on your way!! you have the power and you can chose to be in control!! and plus you are a woman, and woman are strong when it comes to this,so find you woman inside... lol Cheers

The most important thing is to know that its only a phase!! whenever I feel really sad , I just remind myself that it's a phase and it going to pass!! focus, focus, focus!! And there are great men out there trust me!! there are!! n remember if you god brought you to it, he will bring you through it!! life's really way too short to not be happy!! Like old morrie said, learn how to die, and you will learn how to live... now imagine you were close to kicking the bucket, would this really be one thing you would be worrying about?. I think not... probably your girls, family, and get yourself ready right?? So why waste precious time over this?? Really I work with peeps who are alive, but can't do anything for themselves... it really help me put things into perspective and recognize how blessed I am to wake up in the morning and just take a bath by myself, or just brush my teeth!! as long as you are alive and well!! and don't worry you will get through it!!

Thank you all for comments.

Starlite... It's a comfort to know that someone else has been here and survived.

Emopunk... I will get the book and read it and I know I have good things in my life I'm just finding it hard to see it just now.

GG... I wish the survival instict would kick in now and I agree I think I'm hitting rock bottom I just hope I can get back up.

Sooner or later, you will be sick and tired, of being sick and tired, and start doing what you have to for you.

Throw yourself into work.

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Originally Posted by cant breathe

Thank you all for comments.

Starlite... It's a comfort to know that someone else has been here and survived.

Emopunk.....I will get the book and read it and i know i have good things in my life i'm just finding it hard to see it just now.

GG.... I wish the survival instict would kick in now and i agree i think i'm hitting rock bottom i just hope i can get back up.

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No problem at all. Anything we can do to help you through this, we are here. :)