Am I just feeling sorry for myself? I don’t know how to handle how I’m feeling. I keep asking for help but I always get “You should feel lucky.” or “Time is the best medicine.” The back story is that I should not be alive. Cancer took a terrible toll on my body. They carved me up really good. They put me back together really good too but I lost some important bits. Like my tongue and most of my throat . I eat by a tube going directly in my stomach and nothing passes down my throat. I have a pump to suction all the drainage and saliva or it goes right into my lungs. It makes sleeping for any length of time a problem. But all that is just a pain in the I can deal with that. What my problem is during all what happen to me I lost my passion for things. I made my living as an artist. I saw everything as an art form. I made a good living going, “Cool! I want to do that“. I made a good living at it not because I was naturally good at it. I was good at it because I had a passion to do it. Now I have the time and resources to do anything I want, I don’t have a passion to do anything. That’s what driving me crazy. My doctor and I talked about Post-chemotherapy cognitive impairment but who knows.
