Hey there

Past few months have been very stressful - very, very stressful. Thought I was getting over it, then today something happened at work and I got really uptight about it. I have a tightness in my chest when I get stressed. I really hate it. I'm very tired.

A few months ago it was so bad that I had to seek help, called a helpline and went to the doctors. They just said I wasn't sleeping and gave me sleeping pills. They knocked me out for sure, but weren't a long term solution.

I don't want to go back and get more pills. I want to be happy in my life without them. I split up with a girl recently after a long long time together and I miss her so much. It feels like the last 10 years have been for nothing and I'm starting again. I feel empty. I have good friends but they're all far away. I wake so early. I'm very tired, but I don't seem to be able to sleep. I'm on my own a lot and I'm just lonely. I feel like I have no support anywhere, that I'm all on my own in life and I don't like it. I feel like I lack direction. I've been here before and I don't want to go back into a low. I'm so fragile when things get tough!

What can I do, now, to lift my mood? What can I do to help myself and be happy on my own?

Hi, your troubles are saddening. I understand the hurt you feel.
I would advise finding something to do or a hobby that you enjoy more than anything, something you are passionate about. I advise getting outside for some exercise, enjoying the weather and outdoors. Be it biking, swimming, hiking, jogging... your call. The more you exercise the better you will sleep, also, do not eat after dark and avoid sweets.
I advise keeping busy, idle hands are the devils playground.
Sincerely,
Hippiefeet

Have you considered turning to God? God can help you feel like your not alone, He will walk with you to help solve your problems. Sometimes people think that praying is just not enough, and it's not working. And yes, sometimes that's not enough. I would suggest going somewhere that you feel at peace, somewhere relaxing. Meditation is a good way to become closer to God. During meditation you can walk with God and sort out your problems. And for your "love life", don't think of it as an end, think of it as a new beginning! You have to remember that life happens, and so when things take a turn for the worst, well that's just what happens! If nothing bad ever happened, how would we ever learn from our mistakes. You may be taking these bad things in life, and putting them into stress. Instead, vent them into learning experiences, and that life will continue. It's not the end of the world! :) Maybe try some of the things I suggested, and that might help your sleeping problems.

This is a time of transition for you, and this can be unnerving. One thing you have to remember is that no past experiences have happened in vain... good of unhappy.. because we learn from all our experiences if we let ourselves.

It will take a couple of years to get over the emotional distress from the breakup of a 10 year relationship. How to get through this period and come out on the other side a wiser and happier person?

Since you are isolated, you have to build a circle of friends as confidants, not from work. Friends don't have to be just your age; they can be older women. A good place to meet nice people might be a gardening club or a group of volunteers helping those less fortunate. I think this approach would help you a lot. You might meet someone who has a card game going on Saturday night; you could then go play poker and have fun.

YOu can make it through this, but not without pain. Keep your mind on the "big picture"... almost all people have gone through this kind of pain and stress, you can too. Just don't turn to drugs and alcohol to blot out the pain. That will just add to your pain in the long run.

Sleeping is very important for good health. Go to a sleep specialist, a physician who specialized in sleep disorders.

Best Wishes,

I'm going to vent a bit more. I went for some counselling today. Talked about where I was and how I was feeling also a lot about my past and how I got here.

In a way it was pretty good to speak to someone about everything well I didn't tell them everything about me but I was pretty frank.

Im in two minds about it though. Part of me thinks that it's a good thing to let out my feelings and figure out why I'm so tense and messed up. Another thinks that focusing on the past like that just drags me back and leaves me dwelling on bad feelings. I did need something though, I've been finding it very difficult to cope recently.

Has anyone any experience of this? Any experiences of counselling and whether they found it helpful?

Love to all

Sometimes, couselling can really bring out intense feelings. Dredging up the past, looking at it and working through those intense feelings takes the power out of them. Ask the counsellor for some strategies for dealing with the feelings.

The therapist is the professional... you are in a sense his/her child telling all about your emotions and life... the therapist makes sense of what is troubling you especially themes in your life that repeat that make you unhappy.

You don't decide what to tell because you are too close to the problem. You may think you want to "impress" the therapist and withhold critical imformation that you think may reflect badly on you---that is usually not the case.

The most important thing to know is that we only become totally loveable if we are our honest self, authentc self, in therapy and in real life. :)

Don't aspire to be perfect; aspire to have integrity.

Best wishes,

Exercise, exercise, exercise.

It's the only thing that helps me during times of stress.