Ask Me Help Desk - Do you date many before.

I am 48 and divorced. Have met a few jerks, that I thought were nice guys but not(ex-abuser &alcoholic,other ones sex addict and just plain not nice at all) Well I have been seeing a counselor, volunteering,classes, workout and belly dancing. Well I met this guy where I volunteer(at Sheriffs department). It was a month ago and he suddenly called me-said he would like to get to know me. Well I have gone out on 3 dates and he really is a nice guy!! A real gentlemen, wants a real relationship and is truly honest-even evryone at the department says he is a nice guy. He has his life together, 49,divorced a Captain,loves his job and we do have much in common. Neither one of us want to rush things,friends right now. But how do I know there are not a lot more nice guys out there and should I leave myself open to more out there. He is one of the few that is nice all the way around. I have made a list of qualities I want in a partner and he has almost all of them that are very important to me, but I am thinking there are a lot more. What would all you women do? I am new to this after 28 years, so let me know.

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Originally Posted by packer04

I am 48 and divorced. Have met a few jerks, that I thought were nice guys but not(ex-abuser &alcoholic,other ones sex addict and just plain not nice at all) Well I have been seeing a counselor, volunteering,classes, workout and belly dancing. Well I met this guy where I volunteer(at Sheriffs department). It was a month ago and he suddenly called me-said he would like to get to know me. Well I have gone out on 3 dates and he really is a nice guy!!!!!!!!A real gentlemen, wants a real relationship and is truly honest-even evryone at the department says he is a nice guy. He has his life together, 49,divorced a Captain,loves his job and we do have much in common. Neither one of us want to rush things,friends right now. But how do I know there are not a lot more nice guys out there and should I leave myself open to more out there. He is one of the few that is nice all the way around. I have made a list of qualities I want in a partner and he has almost all of them that are very important to me, but I am thinking there are a lot more. What would all you women do?? I am new to this after 28 years, so let me know.

Seems to me if you have to ask, then there might be no real chemistry or attraction. In other words; I think you wouldn't even think about other guys if you were truly into him. Just because someone is nice and decent doesn't necessarily mean you are physically attracted to him as well as inside too.

I agree with Corrie. If you are still wondering if there might be somebody else out there just as nice then you are probably worried that you are only settling for nice and really want more.

In 33 yrs I have not met any guy that didn't end up showing his true jerk colors by the time he figured I was really liking him and he could now take me for granted. BUT they did have red flags that I didn't think too much about before hand.

You can settle for nice or you can take your chances and maybe find someone that can give you more chemistry but that could take years. In the meantime, you could go out and have a nice time with him and emphasis friends only. Then if and when you feel comfortable with a decision to be more than friends talk to him about it.

Don't be exclusive until you know them very well, but have big fun getting to know them. 6 months or so will give you an idea of who they are, and if you aren't satisfied, end it, or be friends.

The key is to be honest, and upfront about keeping your freedom, independence, and options open. Then you can date whomever you want. This way you can avoid messy relationships, where you settle for someone who is not a long term prospect.

The biggest mistake people make is pining their happiness on a stranger to soon, to know them, and then its hard to back track away, and there is a lot of emotional investment. That's why I say, have fun as you find out what kind of person your dealing, with because honestly, those first few months everyone is on their best behavior.

Enjoy the experience being single and free gives you.

I'm your age and divorced. Before I started dating my boyfriend a year ago, there were some lovely men who were interested in me and who could have made my life a lot easier and a bit more interesting than it was for a long time. I was set on waiting for a special chemistry and a few basic needs to be met, such as wanting to build upon my life with someone genuinely in love with me and who I was also in love with, who is honest and emotionally intelligent. It could have included anyone from a janitor, to a brain surgeon. He also needed to live nearby, as I wasn't interested in a distant relationship.

I haven't been disappointed, since I love being with the man I'm with and we've been content to continue exploring our relationship. The possibility of marrying one day has been there from the beginning. It just isn't wise to jump too soon... or to expect a knight in shining armor who will make your life perfect, since they only exist in fairy tales. Much like Rapunzel was a figment of someone's perverse imagination :)

I wouldn't hesitate making friends with any man who treats you well. They may be hurt you don't want to pursue a relationship with them, and may push you away because of that. Then again, they'll respect you and could be around in the future for you to turn to if seeking their advice. A few may even be glad to continue a friendship with you on mutually understood terms.

Best wishes on whatever you decide, and I hope you enjoy the positive attention you're receiving at the moment. He sounds like a nice guy :)