Daughters in wedding party when dad remarries?
I'm new here, so hello everybody! I posted something similar to what I want to put here in the etiquette section, but I didn't seem to be getting any answers over there. As long as I'm not breaking any rules, I was hoping I could ask all of you and the wedding experts for your advice. Maybe I'll have better luck with you guys! OK, here we go:
Within a year of my parents' divorce (after 37 years of marriage), my father got remarried. I have a younger sister (age 24), and I am 28. Neither of us were asked to play a part in the wedding party.
On my father's side of the wedding party were his parents, his best friend, and his brother-in-law (with whom he is certainly not close). On my step-mother's side of the wedding party were her mother, her sister, her best friend, and her nieces.
Extra details: I live in italy, and my father flew my very long-term boyfriend and I to miami and New York for the receptions. My sister, who can be very difficult to get along with, was staying in the family home with my father and (then) fiancé, and she wound up arguing regularly with our step-mother-to-be. I had only met my step-mother-to-be two times, which totaled about two and a half weeks of time together, before they were married.
I don't understand why I wasn't (or my sister and I weren't) asked to participate. I have considered the possibility that imperfect waters between my step-mother and my little sister led the bride and groom to decide that it wasn't the best idea, but if this is true I don't feel that it's fair for me to have been excluded. I had only been accepting and supportive of my father's girlfriend, to the extreme considering the circumstances, and I don't believe that most people in my position would have been so nice about it. Is it possible that the idea of putting us in the wedding party simply didn't cross their minds? I just don't get it. I haven't asked either one of them about this since I don't want to create issues.
Is it or is it not standard for a re-marrying couple to include their children/step-children-to-be in the wedding?
Due to poor planning, the arranged seating never went through, and my sister and I didn't even wind up sitting at their table at the big reception or at the rehearsal dinner.
What's the standard for these kinds of situations (i.e. parents getting remarried)? And what do you think is going on here?