We have been together for 4 years but lately our sex life is just boring,he always finds excuses to turn me down and that is just making me very resentful. When we do it he is amazing but I feel like I need to beg him for it or if I don't make the first move he can go weeks without it . I don't know what to do; this is making me really confused I love him but I don't think I can handle this any longer When I tried to talk about he ignoires it , he says he is happy and he loves me but when it comes down to have sex he always find an excuse and I am just tired of being the one to make the move,I have tried everything I am open to do anyhting to spice things up but nothing works help!!

Step 1: Talk to him.

We are only getting one side here, and that's really not going to help us.

WHY does he have a low sex drive? Has something stressful been going on? Work, bills, family? Is he working more? Something?

Hmmm... "When we do it, he is amazing"... I'm not sure what this entails, but I'll offer up some commentary.

Maybe pleasing you has become a "job" for him... too much work?

Do you think this could be the case?

Let us know; we all can offer suggestions that apply to this situation...

There are many things that could come into play here. He may not be interested because he has a low sex drive. He may have health issues. He may have another outlet. The sex isn't the problem, the fact that he won't discuss the problem is. Surely, since this bothers you, he should be willing to discuss it or even go to counseling if necessary. A health issue he is not even aware of ? The only answer I have is not the one you want to hear. I hope you resolve this or at least find the help with it you need.

Low sex drive, many reasons there are, all very confusing, and difficult to see through. I"M a rather curious guy my self, I like to keep things interesting and yet no matter how interesting, or great the sex, I simmply wont feel like it. Stress, depression, confussion about any number of things, self esteem, anger, fear, pain Phyisical, personal prefrence (I know this may suck, but some guys just like the hand.), Also insecurity. I"m sure there are many more, but I agree with the majority, talk to him, and work for a solution.

Best of luck Dude-et.

I tend to ramble on and on about all the things that can affect libido. Short answer is this...

You can't make him do anything and if you stay you choose this. Sexual compatibility... meaning there's a reasonable enough overlap even if its not lock in step the same... is important to the health of a relationship.

So... has anything changed lately? Stress? Health? Issues in or out of the relationship?

In the end... if this is where he is comfortable, you get two choices... stay and accept this and don't complain, or leave and demand more.

Its one thing if your partner cannot perform but wants to... its another when he simply says "deal with it"... I'm all for trying to make a relationship work by trying to work out the kinks. People get in ruts. Been there myself.

But at some point he at least needs to acknowledge that your frustration is real and worth the work he needs to do. If he doesn't, it just isn't a good fit.

Only thing I'm curious about is you've been together for 4 years and this seems recent from your description... is that true? What's been going on? Any changes outside the bedroom?

The problem seems to be the (lack of, or failing) communication between you two on why he acts like that. Unless you manage to sort that out, the relation is doomed.
Ever thought of visiting together a marriage councillor, or a sex therapist?

Success!

;)

I hope you all aren't doing exactly the same thing the same way all the time... that gets incredibly boring and more of a chore than being fun and enjoyable.

Hopefully both partners here are open to variety in locations etc. Anything that keeps it from becoming routine.


Also hopefully there isn't a nagging situation here... women separate that out as unrelated but a guy will begin to associate that with her and it will wilt his willy over time.

As was mentioned perhaps counseling is in order. I think something is bothering him deeply he is refusing to discuss with you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smoothy

As was mentioned perhaps councelling is in order. I think something is bothering him deeply he is refusing to discuss with you.

---

As "smoothy" has said,I believe that there may be something more serious
Here (a mental block,perhaps) that prevents him having/enjoying sex with you. :(

This,perhaps,may be helped,by talking about it with an expert. :)