I am a mother of a beautiful girl and have been blessed with finding the love of my life. He also has a little girl. We are the already premade family. However he only gets his daughter 50% of the time- every other week from Monday to Monday...

What I need help with, if anyone can help give advise I would really appreciate your time THANK YOU!!

See my boyfriend is a loving devoted father and unfourinitly in his case ILL. Court systems favor the mothers (which I can see in my case since my little one's father isn't apart and doesn't want to be a part of her life) But in his case he is the most amazing loving father and his ex is an unfit mother. She drinks heavly- she left their little girl in the bedroom locked about two years ago so she could go out drinking, and she loves her freedom. He wants to fight for full custody and raise his little girl with values and respect. But she loves her child support money- even though he gets her 50% of the time and buy everything she needs he still has to pay her 20% of his check to her for child support and on top of all of that he pays half of day care and we have reason to believe that she is collecting day care money from the government so she is just pocketing that day care money.

Is there any way to find out if she is collecting day care money from the government and if so how can I go about doing that- she shouldn't be allowed to collect that money... Also is there anyway we could get the state on our side?.

Document, document, document!

You need to prove that she is unfit. And that's not going to be easy. You might have to hire a private investigator to document her drinking and leaving the child alone. But, if you can prove her unfit, you should be able to get primary custody.

If she is collecting Daycare benefits from the state, it is possible that the money that he has deducted to cover the daycare benefit is intercepted by the state. Best way to find any information out is for him to contact the case worker working their case. Questions that would change circumsstances; is the child support money paid directly to her by him submitting it to her or is their a case worker or a "county or state institute involved"? Also how long have they had the 50/50 custody in action and is it in place in the court documents?

TY for your time!! It is through the case- but we believe that she is now getting help from the government now- the case was open two years ago and I would think that the money he is paying for day care should be reminburse back to him since the government is paying for it- But I don't know how to go about it with out her knowing... Also he is paying her 20% so he can see her- but I just think that it is unfare for him to pay when he has her half the time... I am trying to research but I can't find anything to help me out by going about it with out her knowing and trying to hide anything??

The first thing I would recommend is to get a lawyer. A good one in your area would also know of some private investigators in the area that you could hire for a while. Once you have done that get a court date and have your boyfriend petition the judge for more time and ask for a modification in child support (but be aware that it might not be granted). Having a lawyer with you sure does help things though.

You can call the state and report a possible fraud. See if they can investigate it. If you have enough money, you can hire a good lawyer and he/she would know how to get appropriate proof. If what you say is right, the father should get full custody, but that is all up to the judge in the end. Best of luck

I appreciate everyone's time and helping us!! I am going to try to go through the state, a lawyer would be great but for a low income family like us we can't afford a good lawyer to help us win this case and let his little girl live with us... I wish the state would go on our side and help us win the case, I am trying to find what I can if you have any other comments or answers on what I can do to help further our chances of winning this please post thank you!!

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Originally Posted by father-n-need

TY for your time!!! It is thru the case- but we believe that she is now getting help from the government now- the case was open two years ago and I would think that the money he is paying for day care should be reminburse back to him since the government is paying for it.

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I will point out that if anyone gets reimbursed from this, it's going to be the government, not the father.

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Originally Posted by father-n-need

TY for your time!!! It is thru the case- but we believe that she is now getting help from the government now- the case was open two years ago and I would think that the money he is paying for day care should be reminburse back to him since the government is paying for it- But I don't know how to go about it with out her knowing... Also he is paying her 20% so he can see her- but I just think that it is unfare for him to pay when he has her half the time... I am trying to research but I can't find anything to help me out by going about it with out her knowing and trying to hide anything???

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Like froggy pointed out... if the government pays for her state assisted daycare for the kid, then the government will get reimbursed first, not hubby...

I also with smokedetector who says call and report the fraud... that'll put a stop to those funds, and she will possibly face some sort of penalty for using gov'ment funds when the child's father not only splits time 50/50, but also pays CS...

I'm a little confused about the "he is paying her 20% so he can see her" comment... Is there not a child support order in place already that corresponds with the split time arrangement? How is he paying to get his child... is the ex holding the kid for ransom every week?

Hello father:

I don't know. Even if the mother is a cheat, you're going to be a snitch who ratted on your child's mother. Which is worse? I don't think your kid is going to like it much when she grows up, either. What? You don't think she'll know??

But, even if you DID snitch on her, that doesn't mean she'll lose custody to you. It just means she'll have a whole lot of trouble.

I don't know what kind of law you're looking for. There ain't no law dealing with these issues. It's what's fair and what's in the best interest of the child. Judges have WIDE latitude in these matters...

In that regard, if you have joint physical custody, their should be NO award of child support. THAT would be something you could change if you got back into court. With what you save, you'll be able to afford a lawyer. Or, you can do it yourself. Family court is user friendly.

But, don't snitch on your daughters mother.

excon

Actually, its been my experience that even if you have joint custody (50/50), unless the child actually splits the time with each parent 50 50, like monday-monday every other week instead of every other weekend and holiday and wednesdays, the parent who has the child the majority of the time would be receiving child support. If you do split the actual time 50 50 with joint custody, if there is a big difference in salary, like one parent earns 40k a year and the other 200k, then the richer parent will likely pay child support or have some kind of agreement to where no child support is paid but all the general expenses, like insurance, school, etc, are paid by the wealthier parent. However from what I read and not knowing income differences, I would get rid of the CS, but I'm not a judge. Best of luck.

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Originally Posted by RedneckMama

Like froggy pointed out...if the government pays for her state assisted daycare for the kid, then the government will get reimbursed first, not hubby...

I also with smokedetector who says call and report the fraud...that'll put a stop to those funds, and she will possibly face some sort of penalty for using gov'ment funds when the child's father not only splits time 50/50, but also pays CS...

I'm a little confused about the "he is paying her 20% so he can see her" comment...Is there not a child support order in place already that corresponds with the split time arrangement? How is he paying to get his child...is the ex holding the kid for ransom every week?

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I understand what you are saying- but he does pay 125 a week in day care not including child support- so she is pocketing that money the 125 a week and having the government paying for day care and not telling us... I appreciate your time, I just don't get why she would be able to do that, and for the government to get that money??

I don't get what you are trying to say- so he should have to pay for day care and we shouldn't say a word even though the money he is paying for day care which is 125 a week should go to her- to pocket? Because we should be a snitch?? I am sorry but I don't agree with you, not one bit- I don't believe that his daughter would resint him because he shouldn't have to pay for day care

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Originally Posted by father-n-need

I dont get what you are trying to say... I dnt believe that his daughter would resint him becuz he shouldnt have to pay for day care

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Hello again, father:

If you put the mother in jail, his daughter WILL resent it, THAT, I promise you. But, you're going to do what you want to do.. Poor little girl.

excon

If what she says is true about locking her in the room and drinking heavily, then wouldn't his daughter be resentful if he knew about it and could do something to get her out of that situation but didn't? And it is wrong to keep it secret. If what she says is true, the act is illegal and morally wrong and on top of that it would be illegal and morally wrong to not report it. Sometimes the right thing isn't the easiest. The easy thing is to have your kid love you and cheat the government, and for some people, this is the best option. But for other people living with integrity is more important. Just throwing that out there.

Hello smoke:

Snitching isn't something a person WITH integrity does. Plus, snitching on the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD, has NOTHING to do with integrity - and everything to do with REVENGE.

You don't understand children with parents in jail. So, stop trying.

excon

It's not right for his ex to be able to defraud the gov'ment for daycare expenses, and at the same time be able to recoup that same amount from your hubby, only then to pocket it... just as it's not right that if you do report her for this fraud, not only will hubby not get reimbursed, but he might possibly be paying the gov'ment back...

I can understand where excon is coming from in that 'the best interest of the child' might not be served by throwing her mommy in jail; but there again, if ole daddy-o decides to default on child support, they'd throw his @ss in jail in a red hot minute, now wouldn't they? And absolutely NO ONE will be saying.. look, this is not in the best interest of the child to throw her father in jail... hmmm, funny how if you flip the coin nobody seems to care...

Two wrongs of course don't make a right; but, at this point, all you can do is look out for not only your own family (and your family's finances) but also for his daughter--it's not like hubby's ex DOESN'T KNOW defrauding the gov'ment is wrong... I think she's got it coming! If you aren't hip to throwing her in jail, have you thought about confronting her directly? Like, "I know you've got daughter in gov'ment assisted daycare, while hubby is paying out of pocket for it...either we call this child support thing over with, or I'm reporting your fraudulent @ss!"

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Originally Posted by father-n-need

Is there any way to find out if she is collecting day care money from the government and if so how can i go about doing that- she shouldn't be allowed to collect that money... Also is there anyway we could get the state on our side ???...

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As someone suggested, you need a decent lawyer; you also need decent evidence, and for that I would suggest you hire a reputable private investigator. And, as excon has said, in most states, between parents, the legal standard is 'best interests of the child', so you don't have to prove the mother unfit, only that the child will be better off with you. It may come down to the judge and the amount of evidence you are able to produce.