Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a year and have lived together for almost 6 months. Within the past three and a half months his sex drive has had a major decrease. I know after being in a relationship awhile its not something that is new and wanted all the time, but it is really causing problems in my relationship. I love him and want to be with him but every time I try to start something he comes up with a excuse. We have gone from every other night to about once a week. I try to talk to him about it and tell him how I feel but we never resolve anything and nothing ever changes. I feel I am just there whenever it is convient for him (which is pretty rare now). I have tried many different things but they never work. If anyone's has any ideas I would appreciate them thanks

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Originally Posted by bummed89

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a year and have lived together for almost 6 months. Within the past three and a half months his sex drive has had a major decrease. I know after being in a relationship its not something that is new and wanted all the time, but it is really causing problems in my relationship. I feel I am just there whenever it is convient for him (which is rare). It makes me feel unwanted and used. If anyones has any ideas i would appreciate them thanks

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Dump his and get someone that wants sex as much as you do

It seems clear that you two are not compatible.
Although you express your love for him, you should consider to go both your own ways.
There seems little future in your relationship, at least from what I read about his increasing distancing of himself and lack of true communication.

All the best to you !

Did something happen to him during the last 3months. For example:death in the family, stress at work,etc. If nothing is going on maybe its his way of ending the relationship and if he's not communicating with you then someone will have to move out.

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Originally Posted by liz28

Did something happen to him during the last 3months. For example:death in the family, stress at work,etc. If nothing is going on maybe its his way of ending the relationship and if he's not communicating with you then someone will have to move out.

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I agree, in addition I would say its time he paid a visit to a physician. Its possible it could be symptomatic of an underlying medical condition. I'm assuming he has not started taking certain medications recently.

I agree it could be a medical problem
If it is not then most likely he is selfish and not considering your needs.
Some guys are like that they only want what they want when they want because they only care about them at their convenience.

Medical problem, just plain stressed, etc. The reasons are endless. I've noticed that my sex drive is a lot higher than my boyfriends. It's just something I've come to realize. Would you want him to dump you just because you only wanted it once a week? I hope your relationship wasn't based on sex, because one day it might just disappear, then what?

As liz28 mentioned... first thing isn't to simply drop the guy. I had a decreased libido during a stretch of minor depression a few years back. My wife has also had a lower drive when you work was pushing her hard and when there were other issues we had to work out.

I don't like a person wasting a lot of time on a relationship that needs a lot of work when you aren't married and the relationship is still relatively young... but I'm also willing to acknowledge that people have ups and downs and maybe there are reasons for his lower drive.

So... are there any stresses he's going through? At work? Money? Issues in your relationship? Does he have friends he sees and meets with or a social network outside the relationship?

One of the best things I've found to prime my drive is exercise. The more active I am, the stronger I feel, the more confident I am in my body, and I'm more balanced overall, mentally and physically. So... does he work out at all? A study of overweight men who had ED issues found a significant portion showed improvements in drive and performance after implementing a structured exercise routine. So moving his body is a good idea for many reasons, including possibly amping up the drive.

Does he get appropriate sleep? Does me smoke? Eat a decent diet? Drink a lot? Generally living a "healthier" life outside the bedroom can often help you have a healthy life in the bedroom.

Does that mean a stressed out, inactive, heavy smoker and drinker cannot have a great sex drive? no. does it mean the fit person who is financially stable and who lives "cleanly" is guaranteed to be a great time in the sack? no. I'm just running though the common things that can add up to cause decreased libido... poor mental health, poor physical health...

And then there's the-shine-is-gone factor. The chase is "over". He "has" you and you "have" him and the newness is fading. This happens... but its no excuse for a person to be neglectful of a partners needs. Sex isn't all there is to a relationship, but sexual incompatibility IS something that you do need to consider for the long term health of the relationship. More than a few women, years into an otherwise decent marriage, have written in here depressed and wanting out of a relationship, feeling unattractive and unimportant, more of a roommate than a mate due to a partners neglect.

So... if all the other things I mentioned first don't apply. If he has just come down from the "chase mode" of early dating, and this is his normal base drive... then id be worried, as you are, that this is a mismatch that will cause a serious rift.

It isn't wrong for someone to have a lower drive any more than it is wrong for someone to have a higher drive... but it might mean those two people are going to have serious problems concerning intimacy. And at some point if he doesn't do anything about it and expects you to just deal with it... well, that's when you need to make a choice.

If this is just how he is and you stay, you accept it and you cannot hold it over him. I'm not saying he is right and you are wrong... I'm saying at some point you simply cannot say "he will change if i give it time"...

A healthy sex life takes work long term. You have to make it a priority. Think its any easier with kids? Nope. Is it any easier because you are married? no.

My partner and I don't have exactly the same drive or even exactly the same likes sexually... but there is enough overlap that we make it work, and even when we seem to be off step from each other... I trust that she's simply distracted with life in the way. Its no fun being the one person in a relationship doing all the "heavy lifting"... if he won't pursue you, if he is done with chasing you, then he is leaving it all up to you. No fun.

Nice comments.

I remember when I was young, I really wanted to have/get something or some situation only to find out that it wasn't the end all. (Getting a job, whee!. but, hard work!) Seems like your boyfriend is having a let down in his viewpoint of how great a live in girlfriend would be. He didn't realize that he would have to *put himself out* in order to make a pleasant life with another person and their *wishes*.

In a nutshell, he is selfish and immature at this point in his life. That is what I think is going on.

Best wishes,
Live and Learn,