What are the signs of a 17 year old boy being gay... He's not had a girlfriend since puberty, dresses modern... cares about the way he looks and dresses... took acting/modeling classes... totally giving us mixed signals... what should we do? Ask or just let him come to us... We are always here for him and he knows it, but he has 3 macho brothers that would be hurt.as his father... I'm the mom who loves no matter what

Let him come to you. If you go to him, and he is, you will make him feel more insecure than he probably already feels.

Good for you, mom. 17 year olds are establishing identity, right? I don't think you can demand a son like someone as a friend, chose redheads over blonds, or girls before boys. They must work these things out, with parental or professional assistance.

Well, an interest in boys would be a pretty good start.

Don't confront him, imo. He's probably confused enough as it is right now--I remember how confused I was when *I* was 17, about dating and boys and why some girls made me turn my head too and all that jazz.

It may just be that he's confident enough in himself to BE himself, even if he doesn't follow traditional "manly" pursuits.

PS--the guys that cared about how they dressed, at least when *I* was 17, were the ones that all the girls liked and wanted to hang out with.

As long as his grades are still good (or as good as they've ever been), and he shows no signs of depression or extreme mood swings, I wouldn't worry about it. It may be that he's gay, or it may be that he just hasn't met a girl he WANTS to date, or it may be that he realizes that school is more important right now, or he may be confident around you and shy around girls.

Unless he's giving you more signs than what you've listed, it could be so many different things that confronting him about it would just embarrass you all.

If he IS gay, and knows you love him regardless, he'll come out in his own good time. Sometimes (from my observations, anyway) the hardest part is coming to terms with your sexuality yourself, and figuring out how to deal with it - gay or straight.

In other words--stop worrying so much about it, and just make sure he knows that you love him no matter what, and it just won't be a problem.

Let him come to you. If he is, going to him may make him feel weird, or like there is a problem with it. He would come to you when he was ready. He may be confused right now and bringing it up would not help.

I would consult a professional (without your son present) for advice. It could be that he isn't sure which path he is headed down. And his family's treatment of him might influence him one way or another in his decision.
A lot of people would say that there is no decision and they are right in most cases. But there are people who are hetero, married with children, and decide to make a change.
I know of a minister with family, who decided to get a sex change operation at age 45.
This is very critical. You need guidance from experts who have studied it.

I will suggest that you not worry about it. If he is gay, there is nothing you can do about it. I would hope your family would accept him regardless. I don't get the brothers being "hurt." Hurt about what? It is his life. I could see where the 17 yo could be hurt if his brothers reject him, though.

My brother showed absolutely no interest in girls until he left for college (then he went a little overboard.) Give him time and love him no matter what choice he makes.

YOu're a great mom. :)

Just relax and ignore your husband's worrying. You son is going to be who he wants to be... I don't think he is gay, by the way. I think he is just not comfortable thinking about sex at this time, for whatever reason. He has certainly been developing himself in a very positive way so far. :)

I think it will help you if you focus on another quality(s) of you son that go into making a fine human being... like his education, for example. Tell your husband to quit dwelling on his sexuality!

I'll echo the "don't confront, let him disclose when he feels ready or needs to" answers.

I watched my younger brother be destroyed by the reaction of our father when he "came out" as being gay at the age of 16.

My father disowned him, told him that he no longer had two sons, and that as far as he was concerned, he was dead.

This was of course after he called him every name in the book, and described in graphic detail certain things that gay couples may engage in in the most disgusting and degrading ways you can imagine.

My stepmother sat there and agreed with every word from my fathers mouth, being the good Catholic woman that she is.

If this is how you think your husband would react, then your son may need you more than you can ever imagine, if your belief that he may be gay, turns out to be accurate.

I hope things turn out well for all of you.

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Originally Posted by Choux

YOu're a great mom. :)

Just relax and ignore your husband's worrying.

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I agree that you are a great mom and that you should relax. I think that you should reinforce to your son that you "love him no matter what".

I would strongly recommend, however, that you not ignore your husband. It seems like the two of you have already talked about your son potentially being gay. The two of you cannot control whether your son is gay; the two of you can control your response to him coming out.

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Originally Posted by bummed89

Let him come to you. If he is, going to him may make him feel wierd, or like there is a problem with it. He would come to you when he was ready. He may be confused right now and bringing it up would not help.

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As "bummed89" has said, it's best NOT to force the issue (of your son being gay)

I fully realise that this fact,about your son,will be a real shock to you.
After all,as well,he is ONLY 17 years of age.

Of course,you'll have brought up your son,"in the correct way" (hence the reason for the shock)
You are,both, always there for him and he knows it, so I'm sure that he will tell you,in his own good time.

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Originally Posted by l12

What are the signs of a 17 year old boy being gay......He's not had a girlfriend since puberty, dresses modern..........cares about the way he looks and dresses........took acting/modeling classes.........totally giving us mixed signals............what should we do? ask or just let him come to us........We are always here for him and he knows it, but he has 3 macho brothers that would be hurt.as his father......I'm the mom who loves no matter what

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I repeated the question, as the discussion here seems to go into one direction.
You asked "what are the signs", and followed that up with a nice list of some of these signs.
Maybe there are other signs also , and people can react on that.

As to what to do : the repeated advice "let him come to you" is indeed the best. Do not put any pressure on him. As he knows that you are there for him... leave it to him to open up - if so needed.

All the best to all of you!

:)

What on earth about your description of your son makes you think he is gay?

Good for him for not having sex and producing a child that would upset his teen years or God forbid he was to get an STD. I am sure the macho brothers or your husband wouldn't be proud of those either.

He'll be fine gay or straight with love form his family, remember he is only "17" he has a lot to learn and figure out... just love him and let him grow

I really would waste time assuming he is gay, and even if he is love him anyway.

He just taking it slow you got a lot of people out there that just want to do good in life let him live and be happy with what he do he isn't gay he just might not want a girlfriend now he might just won't to wait that way he won't end up doing something stupid and get a girl pregnant somethime the girlfriend want you to spend more time with her and you will get messed up between school work and her and you wouldn't know what to do you just get mixed up I don't know nothing about being gay and I don't want to know but let him come out of the shell himself he's makein a good choice in life cause I kow a lot of people that just graduated out of school and have kids themselves and now they are just stuck and the same old town working at wendys and sonic trust me he isn't gay he is make I good choice

As a gay individual (I have been out for 25 years) the hardest part for me was what my friends would have said had they known in High School. You weren't a gay teen in the 1980's. That would have been social suicide. Today a lot has changed thankfully! I would talk to your husband and see what he feels and thinks about the possibility, I would consider that you two might occasionally drop a gay positive comment in reference to recent court decisions. Gently and quietly letting him know that he is alright no matter WHAT his sexual orientation. He may be just as confused as you are and that is why there are so many various signs. He may not even know, or he may know or not be comfortable or he just may be a regular teen trying to figure himself out! We all did that at one point in time. I would be calm, supportive and encourage him to grow and figure himself out. Kudos to you for being a concerned and supportive Mom!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I really would waste time assuming he is gay, and even if he is love him anyway.

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THANK YOU everyone that responded... You are all right... let him come to me. It's very nice to know that people care about people still. Kudos to all... I'll keep u informed.