Hi,

My boyfriend and I splits up two weeks ago. He says he feels lost in his life, he wants to be by himself. I ask him if there's anything wrong in the relationship, he said there's nothing wrong, it's not my problem, he still likes me very much, but he just needs time to be by himself and do his own thing without a relationship. I ask him how long he needs to be alone, he said he didn't know. He moved to the city because of his job a few months ago. We hit it off right away and had a relationship.

Question: Not sure if his reason for break-up is true (will guy break up just because he wants to focus on himself, I ask whether he wants more space in a relationship, he said that's not what he means, he wants to figure out his life, he doesn't want a relationship with anyone)?
If I decide to be patient with him, and wait for him, how shall I approach the situation? Shall I contact him?

Thanks,

Hi Free,

Welcome! I know breakups are hard, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I know you aren't sure if his reason for breaking up is true, but it very well could be. My ex has given me that reason in the past, and I even though I thought is sounded rather fishy, it was true. But, unfortunately, we don't know for sure. I know it is hard, but try not to dwell on his reasons. The only thing you can do is to let him go. I wouldn't contact him either, at least for a long while. Let him go, and if he wants to reach out to you, he knows how to contact you. But, don't wait around, either. Go out with your friends, do things that you like to do, and keep yourself active. That is really the only thing you can do. As you can see from all the posts here, we are all here for each other and have all been and are going through breakups as well. So please know you can always come here and talk with us :)

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He says he feels lost in his life, he wants to be by himself.

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You take what he says at face value and leave him alone.

No I never recommend waiting for someone to find themselves nor putting your life on hold for false hope and maybe's and what if's. The thing to do is move ahead with your own life and make it happy without him.

All the speculation and assumptions will never answer the question of what he feels so don't waste time trying to figure it out.

Why wait around for someone who doesn't want you in his life? Just go do your thing girl.

I agree with what everyone else said..

Do not and I repeat DO NOT contact him and bother him.. I broke up with my boyfriend last week and he wouldn't leave me alone, and it was torture for me.. because it hurt to hear him cry but then it got old, and It was really annoying.. it almost turned me off to him completely.

The no contact will either help him to move on with out you if that's what he wants.. or it will make him miss you and make him realize he made a mistake.. BUT you can't hold on to the fact that he will come back because it will only prolong the pain and healing for you

You NEED to move on regardless of what's going to happen.. If you happen to be available if he decides to come back and if you still want to be with him, then go for it... but chances are it's not going to happen.. don't let your life slip by just waiting for this guy to call.. get out there and do things for you.. there are a lot of people in this planet that you could be compatible with.. but you won't find them sitting on your couch waiting for this dude to call you..

Break ups are not easy to go through; especially those that you cannot understand. It may be true that he wants some time, but this sounds sudden. I think he should give you some deeper thoughts of how he is feeling. You don't have to pressure him, but ask him more questions and explain to him that you just want to ease your mind because you are feeling that you may be the problem and if that is the case, you want to know why. He may give you an answer he thinks you want to hear, but chances are he may tell you the truth.

Give him time to work out his little issues. Men go through things too, you know. Be supportive towards him and be there for him. However, in the meantime, go out with your friends and move on with your life.

If he makes any attempt to be more conversational, this means that you can go to the extent of asking him to meet with you possibly in a park just to talk and get this "out of the air." I could offer more insight, but it would take me a long time to type all of this here.

Thanks everyone, I have read some general breakup posts on the site, and have already doing the no-contact rule for a couple of days. However, the chance of bumping into each other at work does not make it easy for me, shall I say hi or shall I just pretend I didn't see him. I've walked all the way around the building, so I won't see him to follow the no-contact rule but I can't do that for very long (people may think I'm odd).

It's good to know that I'm not alone, feeling suddenly left by someone for what it seems like a selfish reason. I am not in a hurry to be with someone, I can be patient, that's what I thought.
Starlite: What is your initial reaction when your ex told you he's breaking up because of that reason? Have you ever thought of getting him back? Does he ever contact you after that?

waystogetexback: hm, you are right. There is what seems like a forewarn. There's a week in between that he mentioned there're too many responsibilities in a relationship, but he would like us to continue dating, and he said he wouldn't date someone else. I got stressed and kept asking him relationship questions All I find out are he still loves me, he wants to be alone, and he wants to feel no emotions at times. Hm.. why is guy so hard to understand sometimes?

If you were my girlfriend and I cared and loved you, and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, I would want you to help me through a time like that. Its one of those rough spots, but the relationship grows and matures in times like that. You come out stronger than ever, or not at all.

I think you should continue NC, see what happens.
And you think it is hard to do NC in an office setting? Try doing it in high school with your ex sitting next to you in 3 of your 4 classes. That's where I'm at right now!

To help with your NC, visit "The NC Calender II", it will help a lot. Its just a place to express how you feel in you time of NC, and also a good source of support! The link is in my signiture.