My husband pays his child support. The woman is difficult to deal with and lives out of state. Making it nearly impossible to see the child. He has not seen him much. We have all tried to accommodate her, she wouldn't have it any other way. We've even suggested meeting halfway through several states but she refused. He calls/emails but since meeting the newest man in her life, does not return either. She has just married this man and quit her job. For a few yrs before my husband and I got married and had our own family, he'd even send extra money when she had trouble with her exhusband paying for his child. He felt he had to or he may not have gotten to see his son, as little as it was. He was never married to this woman and in fact only had spent a very brief 2-3 months (long distance together) yrs ago. They have both said so. They were broken up several weeks before she even called him to let him know he was to be a father. He continues to pay his child support but no longer seems to have access to his child. No returned calls and very few returned emails-none in weeks. We suspect she may be fading my husband and all of his family out of the child's life to make way for her husband. She has sent emails to me a few months ago, intended for her boyfriend, where she refers to the two of them as the boys parents. At this point in time and not seeing the child in quite a while, my husband is contemplating relinquishing his paternal rights. How would he go about doing that? He lives in NY and the child lives in NC. Which laws would he use? Would this also relieve his financial support if the child is adopted by his new step-dad? I can understand that since her and my husband never really had a "relationship" and he and the child never get to see each other, that she would want her new husband to take custody but the way she is going about this is wrong. Is it legal for her not to return calls/emails on behalf of the child when my husband is maintaining his financial obligations?

Even if he relinquishes his rights he still has to pay child support rights and visitation are not the same as child support. For him to not have to pay support anymore she would have to marry her boyfriend and have him adopt them. Other than that they can get him for the support and deny him seeing his kid. Even when the court order gives joint custody/visitations mother often do not follow the order. On the other hand if the father does not follow the child support order he can end up in jail. Not fair that they can withhold the visitations but it's the way it is.

She did get married.

If you had scrolled down to the Family Law forum (where I moved this to) you would have found hundreds of threads all dealing with this issue. The bottonmline is this ain't going to work. No court is going to terminate his rights so he can get out of support.

Your only hope for getting him off the hook for child support is if she gets her new husband to adopt the child. In that case, only, will he be allowed to relinquish his rights.

Thank you for your responses. I don't yet know how to navigate this site. I didn't know this was even moved from its original location. Only posted there because I didn't know where else to do it. He was not simply trying to "not pay" He has been paying more than his fair share. Several times she's called saying my husband needs to send more in addition to his already substantial amnt. She'd claim The father of her other son wasn't paying and she couldn't do anything with his, (my husbands) son because she had to disperse money's received. Really wrong of her to put her obligations on my husband and use his son as a bargaining ship. Have also just been made aware of all of the help my husbands family has given and how much she has taken advantage of here as well. We've paid her way up here and when we all go down there to visit. Which is why we can no longer afford to do this. That was the question in regards to the financial aspect of my above question. We just don't know what to do from this point. She doesn't return calls/emails when asking about the child. Not from us or the rest of my husbands family. She married this guy and even before hand, was presenting him as the child's "new dad". I'm sure its illegal to have a father who is taking care of his obligations and not gaining access to his child, no? We have every saved email to prove his attempts as well. Also saved the ones where she refuses to work with my husband and our family trying to see the child. Haven't now seen him in a yr and it doesn't look promising. Sorry if I put this in the wrong place.. Like I said, I've only just signed on and have no idea how to navigate as of yet. Thanks again for your help/responses.

He needs to only send what he is required to. If the other dad is not doing his part that is not his responsibility. Instead of sending her extra he should set up an account for his son and put any extra there and determine if and when HIS SON is actually in need of a little extra.
Then if possible buy what he needs and send it to HIM.
ALWAYS keep receipts and records of extra money sent so it is in your favor in court.

First, no need to apologize about where you posted. I was just using that to show you a better way.

Second, you don't say if there is any court ordered visitation. The only thing that would violate the law is if she was defying the visitation order. If so, you could get the courts to enforce it.

The original court paperwork stated he is supposed to have access, physically visiting and updates/calls/emails were all included there. She said that unless he came down every 6 weeks she didn't see why she had to bring him here for visitation. They were supposed to split it both ways for the first yr.. which he made the majority of the trips. This has come and gone and then they were to discuss further options including driving to a "designated meeting" place. When he mentioned this to her she refused and said he was obligated to visit in her state and financially responsible for each visit there. Problem here is that we also became financially responsible for her to come here. She said she couldn't afford to bring the child here and if people wanted to see him, they had to pay. This is how it has been for nearly 3 yrs... which is how old the child is. My husband and I now have a baby of our own, plus my son from a prior marriage. I am unfortunately out of work do to surgery and we have to move now. We cannot afford even just for him to visit, especially with her demands of 6 weeks, weekends only. He is NYPD and only has weekends off when his RDO's fall on them... not often. This situation has become complicated and we just don't know what options are left, when we cannot afford legal fees. Regardless, if we cannot afford for any visit, we have sent picture books, gifts and clothing for the child, which has all gone unacknowlegde and she has just stopped returning calls and emails. She should not have the right to do this. Plus, right before she got married recently, she quit her job. What are her responsibilities to accepting child support but having opting for non-employment herself. I was under the impression there were restrictions. Not sure though.

I don't think she is required to work. But the bottomline here is, if she is ignoring the terms of the court order, then you have to go to the court and ask them for help to enforce the rules laid down by the court.

Normally I would say with her living in a different state, the judge can cite her for contempt of court, but unless she returns to that jurisdiction, its hard to enforce it. However, the father being NYPD might be able to get some professional courtesies along those lines.

Thank you for all of your advice. I have been researching options here all day. Whichever way this turns out, looks like family court will have to be involved eventually when we can afford it. As of right now, the house we were renting for our own family was just sold and they want us to leave so this is currently the priority. Thanks again for all of your responses.

Did you have a lease on the house? If so, the new buyer has to honor that lease. If they want you out sooner, then need to offer you financial incentives.