Hi... I have a 7 year old son. We recently moved from Phoenix to California. His dad hasn't really been a huge part in his life. He pretty much only came around when it was "convenient" for him. Now he has a pregnant girlfriend and they are saying that they are going to take custody of my son from me. His father is not on the birth certificate. His father also told me that he was going to have me arrested for kidnapping. Can he do that? Also his dad has not helped me at all with any financial stuff for my son. A couple years ago though I did get into some trouble and had a drug problem. My son was with my mom during that time. His dad never wanted him to live with him until recently. I have been clean for a very long time now and currently live with my sister, splitting the bills and taking care of my son BY MYSELF. Is there anything the dad can do? I don't want to keep him from me, but I'm definitely not letting him take him away... PLEASE HELP!! WHAT DO I DO??



CONFUSED

He can not have you arrested for kidnapping.
He can not take custody of your kid without first proving paternity and filing for custody through the court and proving you an unfit mother.

I think you should go to Friend of the Court and ask for child support and set up visitation for your son and his father. They will probably grant a dna test if either of you desires to have it. Your son needs his father in his life... believe me... I raised three sons who's father did not participate in their life and their adulthood was much tougher for them.

Stay straight and keep doing what you're doing - being a good mom and a responsible citizen and nothing will separate you from your child. Good luck to you!

First you need to relax as he is largely blowing smoke. Since there was no court order giving him visitation then there is no kidnapping charge. Second, before he can gain custody, there has to be a paternity test AND he has to prove you unfit. I doubt if that will happen.

I would tell him, that if he tries to get custody, you will file for child support RETROACTIVELY.

You guys have all been a great help!! Thank you so much for answering so quickly. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to help me out.

Glad to help, keep us posted.

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Originally Posted by purplewings

I think you should go to Friend of the Court and ask for child support and set up visitation for your son and his father. They will probably grant a dna test if either of you desires to have it. Your son needs his father in his life.....believe me....I raised three sons who's father did not participate in their life and their adulthood was much tougher for them.

Stay straight and keep doing what you're doing - being a good mom and a responsible citizen and nothing will separate you from your child. Good luck to you!

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I like the points made in this answer and believe the sooner you take care of the legalities of custody, visitation, and child support (as well as paternity), the better off you will be.

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Originally Posted by purplewings

I think you should go to Friend of the Court and ask for child support and set up visitation for your son and his father. They will probably grant a dna test if either of you desires to have it. Your son needs his father in his life.....believe me....I raised three sons who's father did not participate in their life and their adulthood was much tougher for them.

Stay straight and keep doing what you're doing - being a good mom and a responsible citizen and nothing will separate you from your child. Good luck to you!

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While I think this is good advice, it ignores some facts brought up by the OP. This is a father who never bothered being part of his child's life until recently. Not even bothering to get his name on the birth certificate. Now he's gotten another girl pregnant and this one seems to want an instant family. So instead of trying to work something out with the mother, he makes empty threats. In my opinion, the child is better off without this person in his life.

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Originally Posted by purplewings

I think you should go to Friend of the Court and ask for child support and set up visitation for your son and his father. They will probably grant a dna test if either of you desires to have it. Your son needs his father in his life.....believe me....I raised three sons who's father did not participate in their life and their adulthood was much tougher for them.

Stay straight and keep doing what you're doing - being a good mom and a responsible citizen and nothing will separate you from your child. Good luck to you!

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She can't set up visitation by herself. She could file for an Order but I think it would work against her interest.

I would do nothing and see what the father does. Document the threats - the father sounds abusive and controlling and I would be concerned about my child being in that environment.

Unless the OP is so unfit that the father has a chance at custody - and she sounds like she's back together - the father has a shot only at visitation BUT the Court will want DNA testing and will also order support.

So the ball is in the father's court - is he threatening? Will he do something? Is his living situation good for a child who basically doesn't know him - ?

Respectfully disagree but sometimes parents - both mothers and fathers - are best not in a child's life.

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Originally Posted by purplewings

I think you should go to Friend of the Court

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As far as I know Michigan is the only state that has Friend of the Court.

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Originally Posted by J_9

As far as I know Michigan is the only state that has Friend of the Court.

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Here in NYS they'll appoint a legal guardian if necessary but that's part way through the proceeding. No Friend of the Court (the Court apparently doesn't have any friends).

Friend of the Court in Michigan handles all of these affairs for the parents. It is a go-between, if you will. Child support checks come directly from Friend of the Court and the child support "payer" is responsible for refunding Friend of the Court. Also, they are mediators when it comes to child support and visitation issues, as well as a number of other functions.