Hi,

So my ex and I got back together. He seems to be very confused because we have been on and off for past year. We sat down and talked things through and planned on a way to stop the cycle. We are taking things slow and we seem to be having a great time right now. When we do get together, we are friendly with each other and we do not bring up the past or any serious issues/questions. I'm controlling myself as to how much effort I put into the relationship. I used to be the one calling and texting, etc.

The problem is that I am developing that urge to text and call again. I know I shouldn't because I want him to start putting in the effort and I don't want him to feel smothered. It feels great when he makes the initiative to contact me or come and see me. Someone told me the less I do, the more power I have. Is that true? Should I cut back on me contacting him? I just don't want it to backfire like before and him stop contact when I keep trying. On the other hand, I don't want him to be pushed back because I don't make that effort.

I love him dearly, and do not want to lose him again. I like the way its going right now.

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Originally Posted by confused2345

Hi,

So my ex and I got back together. He seems to be very confused because we have been on and off for past year. We sat down and talked things through and planned on a way to stop the cycle. We are taking things slow and we seem to be having a great time right now. When we do get together, we are friendly with each other and we do not bring up the past or any serious issues/questions. I'm controlling myself as to how much effort I put into the relationship. I used to be the one calling and texting, etc.

The problem is that I am developing that urge to text and call again. I know I shouldn't because I want him to start putting in the effort and I don't want him to feel smothered. It feels great when he makes the initiative to contact me or come and see me. Someone told me the less I do, the more power I have. Is that true? Should I cut back on me contacting him? I just dont want it to backfire like before and him stop contact when I keep trying. On the other hand, I dont want him to be pushed back because I don't make that effort.

I love him dearly, and do not want to lose him again. I like the way its going right now.

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There is a healthy balance to things. You should call/text. But not smother him. And he should call/text you and not smother you. You have to realize that yes, you deserve him to call you. But he deserves the same thing. Balance.

Also, why avoid talking about serious stuff from the past? You guys shouldn't avoid it in fear that a fight should arise. Problems must be dealt with in order to move on.

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I like the way its going right now.

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If it works for you both, stay with it.