hello guys,
m in a relation and it has been 5 years since we were teenage our relation starts.now when m mature to think about my future and my life,i dont think that i can go further with this guy as we often have opposite thinkin and he dont support me,he is very possesive,conservative,green eyed boy friend.
i always believed that one day he will change as i always loved him but its been 5 years and he is still the same guy and i dunt feel the same love for him now.so tell me guys,how can i live with guy who doesnt give me my freedom.he just want things to run as he wants and many other things.so i dunt think i can go further with him.but the main problem is i had physical relation with him due to which i think if i leave him he will come in my future life and distruct my life.whenever i tell him lets split up then he blackmail me or give warning to me that he will die and he will kill my future bf if i will have,so m really upset and tensed....
how can i break up with him
HELP ME OUT...
It would be grateful if u give me some ideas asap...

Hi Sarah,

I know there is no easy way to break up with someone, but, you just need to be honest with him and state that you are growing and need to take time for yourself. As you are maturing, you needs are changing, and you need to figure out what you want. The only way you can do this is to go out on your own, and take care of your own needs. That is really the only way you do this. Be completely honest and open with him.

There's an old saying concerning the mistakes the different sexes make in relationships...

That a woman stays with a man thinking he will change, but he doesn't... and that a man stays with woman thinking that she will never change, but she does...

So he uses blackmail and threats to keep you present.

This means the relationship is over. Period. Its done.

Time to draw a line and stand by it. Be calm. Be civil. He'll probably rant as usual. Find friends or family to rally around you, or leave this all behind.

My wife had an ex boyfriend who harassed her after the breakup years ago. She changed her number twice. He ended up getting fired from his job. It was ugly, but it was worth the noise she went through to not be with that idiot one more minute.

Document any threats. Talk to the police if you need to.

Make your decision, and let him do whatever he wants, as if he acts in an inappropriate way, be ready to deal with him in an appropriate way, and disregard all, and any threats he makes. That doesn't mean ignore his threats, but always be ready to do what you have to to keep yourself safe, and happy. Its your life, so don't let him have a say in it.

You're a grownup now, he appears not to be. Grownups confront, children hide.

"Ok, I won't break up with you, but I'm going to stop being around you so much, I'm going to date others, meaning I guess I'm a cheater, I don't really love you any more, so I guess that makes me a liar. I don't think I'm going to have much comfort and politeness to throw your way, either, so I guess that makes me a b!tch, and I'll probably repeat every rude or threatening thing you ever say to me again to your mom and family and coworkers...so I guess that makes me a narc. But don't worry, you can still call me yor girlfriend, I'm just not going to call you the same anymore. I don't care. Do what you want."

Sometimes the only workable response to crazy is crazy of your own, callous and self-serving crazy.

If he approaches in public, you start talking at the top of your voice about personal things that will embarrass him and refuse to stop. When he says something horrible to you... stop, pick up a telephone, call his mother, repeat what he said and hand him the phone so he can explain himself to HER. You don't care, right?

Once you decide to move on, to end it, you're no longer responsible for his actions or protecting him from himself. Let it go.

And even if he DOES do something to himself, that is still just him trying to "get you", and it's STILL not your fault. Some people are stupid enough to think they should be able to get anything they want, even if it requires extortion. Call them on it EVERY TIME.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

that a woman stays with a man thinking he will change, but he doesnt... and that a man stays with woman thinking that she will never change, but she does...

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Never heard that before, but I like it!

Get rid of him. Especially if he is unhealthy. Tell him that you have changed, and that you are no longer happy in the relationship. Then get your stuff and leave. Don't drag it out. If he acts inappropriately, let the law handle it.

He sounds controlling and is making some serious threats against you. I would leave and if he starts harassing you, go to the cops like someone stated in their post.

Never stay with someone that you don't want too or out of fear. Your older now and your changing and he's not until he want to. Since you want to leave express that to him somewhere public and bring a friend, in case he acts up. As you get older you see things for what they really are and want to change for the better and brighter future. His threats against you should be taken serious because people ar crazy and he might stalk you for a while and if so, go to the cops and get a restraining order.

I wish you the best in the future and hope are your decisions be wise.Best of luck!

He sounds very controlling!
Never stay with someone that you don't want too or out of fear. Your older now and your changing and he's not until he want to. As you get older you see things for what they really are and want to change for the better and brighter future. His threats against you should be taken serious because people ar crazy and he might stalk you for a while and if so, go to the cops and get a restraining order.

I wish you the best in the future and hope are your decisions be wise.Best of luck!

Sounds like he is very insecure about himself and it is better to break it off now than to continue in a relationship that is not benefiting both of you. He needs counseling though and you could still be his friend. This will help him to get through the break up. You may also think of going to counseling with him to see what is the underlying problem. You might feel some empathy for him if you do. Give counseling a try before break up with him.

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Originally Posted by waystogetexback

Sounds like he is very insecure about himself and it is better to break it off now than to continue in a relationship that is not benefiting both of you. He needs counseling though and you could still be his friend. This will help him to get through the break up. You may also think of going to counseling with him to see what is the underlying problem. You might feel some empathy for him if you do. Give counseling a try before break up with him.

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I won't disagree with counseling, that's up to you to try.

I will disagree with still being his friend. That will be harder for you than just making a clean break and healing on your own. It isn't wise to try to remain friends with an ex as you still have feelings, and he may or may not. It is very hard to have feelings for someone and act as if you don't, and if he has feelings you may end up hurting him more than just letting him go.

I do not agree because he is in an insecure position and being his friend is better than just cutting him off and possibly making the guy commit suicide.

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Originally Posted by waystogetexback

I do not agree because he is in an insecure position and being his friend is better than just cutting him off and possibly making the guy commit suicide.

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I think exes need time to adjust, and its cruel to just let them be stuck on stupid, after a break up. Read some of the stories here about all the chaos it causes, when dumpers try to put shocked dumpee's in the friend zone, before they are ready. Read the No Contact Calender!