My daughter is separated (not legally) for more than 8 months. Can you tell me if she has to continue letting him see the baby (10 months.) if nothing has been set up temporarily with the courts? His parents are pursuing divorce proceedings but things are moving slowly. I am asking because he is a very unhealthy person and every exchange between them is just one manipulation after the next. Even his parents are involved in screaming and berating her. She just doesn't want to get in trouble with the courts later.

Also, would it be best for her to set up a temporary separation or not?

Thanks for any help.

We are in Georgia. Carol S.

Without any legal arrangement she has no obligation at all to let him see the baby.
That is something that is part and outcome of the court proceedings.
But better let him see the baby to show (later in court) that your daughter was reasonble!
That is of course : as long as his visit does not upset everything every time everyone...

Good luck!

I totally disagree with Credendovidis here. Since they are still married and he is the legal father, then its his child too. He has just as much right to see the child as she does. She can refuse to let him, but that may cause problems during the divorce. I strongly suggest she get her lawyer to get the courts to order something to cover this. Without a court order. He has an equal right.

Actually, I will go Scott one better here, and say that the father has not only the right to see the baby, but the right to take the baby and have the baby stay with him. They are both parents to this child, and if she can take off with the child for 8 months, so can he.

How about this: Key words, "continue" "unhealthy" "manipulation". My advice would be to get a legal separation and for her to air her concerns of an unhealthy situation and allow the courts to define the terms. If she is feeling threatened in any way it's possible for temporary orders for protection etc. I don't think anywhere it stated that she "ran off", just that they are separated. That could have been at his choice although he continues to want a relationship with his child. Maybe the OP can elaborate more on the circumstances and the age of these parents.? Why do his parents have the idea that they can "pursue" divorce proceedings. Also, the legal separation will open the doors for child support and possibly anything else that your daughter would be entitled to assist in raising this child. Going to the courts yourself rather than waiting for him or his parents to bring the action to you would benefit you. Proactive rather than reactive. Best of Luck

My daughter is 33 - married a younger "man". His parents have always taken care of him and that is still continuing. She has a stable job and another child (no support)- and he was sucking her dry just like he does his parents, and abusing her verbally. She tried for a court bar from him - but because he had never actually physically harmed her, they couldn't do anything. Because she has no money, she is at their mercy if she wants to continue to receive anything without any court proceedings in place. So they continue to berate and scream at her and manipulate every visitation - leaving her crying and upset.

We are contemplating letting her move in - but are worried that the courts will see that in a bad light. After all, he lives with mommy and daddy - oh yeah, but he doesn't work. If she moves in it will only be to save money for the attorney costs.

I'm not sure if that answers any questions - I hope so.

She needs to do at least two things. First she needs to get some counseling about her low self esteem issues. She needs to know she can stand up to him and fight him. Then she needs to get a good lawyer to help fight him in court.

Moving back in with you will do more good than harm.

Hi Carol,

I am in Georgia also. I am a court mediator. I am not a trained lawyer.

I suggest for such sticky family situations that a lawyer skilled in such matters be retained. Sometimes the expense seems prohibitive, but providing for the well-being of a child is not the same as suing a garage owner for overcharging for transmission repairs. In the latter case you might get by with representing yourself in magistrate (small claims) court.

I do not recommend "cut-throat" tactics or trying to take someone "to the cleaners." But I do recommend that parents be sure they use the law in the best interest of their children.

There are at least two distinct advantages to getting an attorney: (1) the professional knowledge and skill needed, and (2) the level of objectivity (reasonable lack of emotional investment in the family situation) with which the attorney can address the issues.

Not only knowledge of the law, but knowledge of court procedures and of the particular judge and how that judge generally deals with similar cases are valuable assets in dealing with such matters.

In addition to legal counsel, the help of a pastor, pastoral counselor, or other community therapist or counselor may be helpful during times of family-related stress.

Best wishes for the best solution for everyone involved, especially the child or children.

Disclaimer: This information is given as personal opinions and observations and is not provided, or intended for use, as formal or professional "legal" advice or counsel.

Thanks you everyone for your words. I'm not sure I can even express how much it means! I talked to my mom today and my parents have decided to help financially to get her going with an attorney. Yeah! She may still move in with us for a period, but it will help significantly! If anyone sees that the court might look negatively upon that, please let me know!

I agree, counseling is a great idea at this time. She needs to get over this hump! She's in a boundaries class at the moment - but one on one would be valuable.