Ask Me Help Desk - He loves me,he loves me not?

Hello everyone,
I am here after a long time.my problem is I think I'm in love with a man I don't know loves me or not.situation is not so easy as looks like.I'm not scared to confess,in fact I've done that directly and indirectly so many times to him.
I met him about 14months back on a networking website.since then we talked almost everyday,in fact there is so much emotional bond between us now that we deal with all our fights,quarells and disputes without breaking off.we share almost eveything with each other.
I was very much having a soft corner for him since starting,but never got it back.he is an army officer so he always is too pre occupied to bother too much about me,I don't say he doesn't care about me.ofcourse he does in his own silent ways.
In dec last year he asked me if my parents would object to a guy from different caste and how will I manage with an army officer.I felt he was talking about himself but soon in jan he stopped calling me regularly,it would be 8-10days without talking to him.that time I realized that he can never really be in love with me so I must move on in life.I met this new guy who who was madly in love with me and I told him about this new guy.Gosh!he went mad!crying,being angry,possessive,jealous everything at the same time.it was valentines week and he said that he was planning to come to meet me because as yet we've not met face to face,but now because I'm talking to this new guy he won't,according to him-he always had a soft corner for me,and he knew that he would fall in love with me as soon as he meets me.I asked him if he was in love with me and he said he did'nt know.
Obviously I waited long long time to hear this and all I could think of was him him him.the new guy was no where even in distant memory to me,I told him my feelings without the use of"love".and to my horrors his reply was lets move slow.anyways I was jilted by this sentence and too much emotionally disturbed,there was a guy I loved and there was a guy who madly loved me.my friends suggested that this new guy was better for me so I should think about him.I too thought okay,maybe my friends are right,then my army man in the same week visited my place,just for me.but I was pissed of at him I told him I was out of city and I can't meet him,even stopped talking to him,trust me guys those 3days in my city he did what I wanted him to for 1year!he just wrote lovey mushy messages,telling me he was missing me loads,he could smell me in airs and so on.I kept crying but didn't reply to him.
But fate was that my love or whatever it was for him made me say no to this new guy and wait for him.
Things are still the same between us.sometimes it seems he has forgotten everything he said to me,sometimes it seems maybe I'm there in his head.I have no idea.recently I got irritated cause he didn't call for 3-4days although he used to message regularly,but I didn't reply,so I mailed him goodbye saying that I'm not waiting all this long to wait all the more.he called and he was sounded really angry.we fought.but later that evening he called and told me that he has tried to get away from me,but he could not,and that he doesn't want to lose me.things got okay like always.we share a good deal of compatibility.
Then on my birthday 2days back he sung me a birthday song at 12 midnight,gave me calls all day,and I was so happy.but yesterday night everything was different,he again made me realize I'm just another fren of his,when I asked did he mean I should move ahead in my life he said yes I should.
Its ridiculous just about 10days back he said that if there is a 3rd person between us and he feels jealous of him and I don't do anything for this jealousy of his then it would be end to us.
My life and this relation has become like a weighing scale!at one moment he says he has soft corner for me and other day he makes me realize I'm just another fren of his.
He had a very past where the girl he loved left him when he was posted to some deserts,he had liked this girl since childhood.and there is something more to this,I don't know about.he was very upset last month 1day and he said it was blackest day of his life,earlier in December too he said this some day(he even said he wanted to be dead).when I asked him he said he is telling this to me because I hold some place in his life but he would tell me about it when the right time is there.I don't know when is this right time going to come.he lost his mother when 6,army life drills him too much so he often says the gal who is going to be with him her life would be spoiled.he also says he really wishes no one falls in love with him.I think he is out of his ex but he is too afraid to lose again in life and he has time and again asked
Me to move slow though not directly but then
Last night he said he was going to be single all his life,as of now,
When I got pissed of and told him that he could
Come over to my marriage someday with someone.what about me,what am in doing with him,what am I waiting for,and I know 2days after this again he will tell me how imp I am.
I'm totally confused.I know we have not yet met and its important to meet before deciding things.but I'm too emotionally bonded to him besides I've seen his pics,talked to his sis and frens,my frens fiancée also knows him well.so its not going to
Create huge diff even after meeting him.hes coming to meet me to my city this month on 28th(yesterday he made it clear that he was coming to meet a fren and its no date).
Man does he love me or am I spinning in my dreamland without any destination.anytime I try to be serious and talk something he has nice humorous ways to put them aside.what is his problem?why is he not balanced?why he doesn't know what he wants from me?does he love me or not?and why he is not ready to lose me either?what should I do to know my answer?should I wait till June end or maybe much longer?or is it that even after
Knowing each other so well for 14months we
Need more time and I'm just rushing into things?
Please help me.

Take a long vacation from him, and let the emotional dust settle, to allow you both to ponder the situation, without pressure from either of you. Your not working very well to solve this issue together, so do it apart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Take a long vacation from him, and let the emotional dust settle, to allow you both to ponder the situation, without pressure from either of you. Your not working very well to solve this issue together, so do it apart.

Thanks for going through my problem firstly.its very difficult to take a break from him for me and even if I do I know 3rd day he'd come back running for me,and ask me why am I not talking.then I won't be having many reasonsb and I think I don't want to force him into a relation.iv tried this strategy many a times,every time it turns into a fight but followed by same mesmerising words,I don't want to lose you.
Besides I think its high time that we meet cause I'm an engineer and next month I'm leaving this city to a far off place,then it would not be feasible to come over to meet him for a long time and he too is going to be posted to a different place,field posting where it won't be possible to meet so soon.so he's coming here just for me on 28th this month.do you think that avoiding him would be feasible without ending this relation because I've already refused to meet him once and later told him that I was very much in the city but didn't wanted to meet him.

Hi Simran,

Being that you two never met in person, I feel that you should, as this will also help to see the actual body language between the both of you. You would get a better feel for each other, instead of both being behind computer screens. Human interaction is always to best way to go. Be sure to meet in a public place though. Even though you two have been communicating online and you feel that you do know each other, it is still best to err on the side of caution and meet in a populated area.

The only way for any couple to manage this long distance relationship, is to have a definite long term commitment to each other, and a plan that eventually cuts the distance between you. Long periods apart will not help you at all, and cause problems that will magnify any conflicts you have, and prevent the interactions that grow bonds between you. So unless you have a better plan to be together, than you have now, odds are the relationship will suffer. Sorry, but you have much to think about, and talk about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Simran,

Being that you two never met in person, I feel that you should, as this will also help to see the actual body language between the both of you. You would get a better feel for each other, instead of both being behind computer screens. Human interaction is always to best way to go. Be sure to meet in a public place though. Even though you two have been communicating online and you feel that you do know each other, it is still best to err on the side of caution and meet in a populated area.

He buddy thanks for the concern.but I've know his family and frens too now.and we've talked over phone not computer,we met there.and I've his homme number.and my frens fiancée works with him.and above all his is much more concerned of meeting me in public,not private .so no such security issues between us ever arise.besides my family also knows him and his family knows me.we are 2 mature people in our mid 20s so such questions are not what's bothering me.his indifference is.and 1more thing is that he is in the army,I have number of his commanding officer and 8numbers of his office.he always has girls fluttering around him so whatever your thinking is not even an issue.
But thanks anyway.

Hi Simran,

Sorry about that, I didn't know that you already know his friends and family. I do think you both should meet in person, and again, you both will be able to see each other's body language. If you are concerned as to where this relationship is headed, you should talk to him, in person, about it. If he doesn't feel that he wants to pursue anything with you right now, then you will know, and you will then have to give him his space. But, he may say that he wants to have the relationship with you, and you take it from there. I think first and foremost, you need to talk about what is on your mind, and listen to his response. Then you will have a better idea of what is going on.

Please keep us posted, okay. We are all here for you :)

Also, another thing to remember is just because somebody comes out of the woodwork and displays emotion when you start seeing somebody else doesn't mean that they actually love you or want to be with you. The only thing that shows they want to be with you is if they are ACTUALLY with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

The only way for any couple to manage this long distance relationship, is to have a definite long term commitment to each other, and a plan that eventually cuts the distance between you. Long periods apart will not help you at all, and cause problems that will magnify any conflicts you have, and prevent the interactions that grow bonds between you. So unless you have a better plan to be together, than you have now, odds are the relationship will suffer. Sorry, but you have much to think about, and talk about.

Thanks for the advice.I know that you're right in one possible way.that was what I wanted on my part,means I want to give it a chance and see if the strong chemistry which we both felt does that have any meaning.but to resolve distance issues I need a base,a base where we both want to be in a relation and a sense of security,which I'm not getting.many a times he has hinted me that he doesn't want to rush into any relation and hurt himself again,he also said he wants to be 200% sure,and maybe he also has issues that we've not met.maybe he is doing all this cause of all these factors or maybe I'm just justifying him.time can only tell this.
I think I should firstly meet,see how well we both can manage each others real existence and then if I'm 100%sure I will ask him directly and if I get a negative reply again.I will think of moving ahead.what do you say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Simran,

Sorry about that, I didn't know that you already know his friends and family. I do think you both should meet in person, and again, you both will be able to see each other's body language. If you are concerned as to where this relationship is headed, you should talk to him, in person, about it. If he doesn't feel that he wants to persue anything with you right now, then you will know, and you will then have to give him his space. But, he may say that he wants to have the relationship with you, and you take it from there. I think first and foremost, you need to talk about what is on your mind, and listen to his response. Then you will have a better idea of what is going on.

Please keep us posted, okay. We are all here for you :)

Thanks for the advice.I know that you're right in one possible way.that was what I wanted on my part,means I want to give it a chance and see if the strong chemistry which we both felt does that have any meaning.but to resolve distance issues I need a base,a base where we both want to be in a relation and a sense of security,which I'm not getting.many a times he has hinted me that he doesn't want to rush into any relation and hurt himself again,he also said he wants to be 200% sure,and maybe he also has issues that we've not met.
I think I should firstly meet,see how well we both can manage each others real existence and then if I'm 100%sure I will ask him directly and if I get a negative reply again.I will think of moving ahead.what do you say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by simranrajput

thanks for the advice.i know that you're right in one possible way.that was what i wanted on my part,means i want to give it a chance and see if the strong chemistry which we both felt does that have any meaning.but to resolve distance issues i need a base,a base where we both want to be in a relation and a sense of security,which i'm not getting.many a times he has hinted me that he doesnt want to rush into any relation and hurt himself again,he also said he wants to be 200% sure,and maybe he also has issues that we've not met.
i think i should firstly meet,see how well we both can manage each others real existence and then if im 100%sure i will ask him directly and if i get a negative reply again.i will think of moving ahead.what do you say?

Hi Simran,

I think that is a good idea. I think you should definitely meet in person, and see how it goes. Then you will know. Good luck, and please keep us posted! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Simran,

I think that is a good idea. I think you should definately meet in person, and see how it goes. Then you will know. Good luck, and please keep us posted! :)

O you I would.I hope that again some army problems don't come over to abandon this trip of his!
Thanks fr the help.

Hello everyone.please everyone I've not as yet got answer to my real question, I am with this real nice guy who has confessed love to me time and again with a little weightage on the word love,cried when he realised I was going away from him,and told me other times that I'm just a friend and not cared for my feelings.he also said that he is not sure about his own feelings for us although he gets jealous and possessive about me if I'm with anyone else.
Does he love me?? or is he confused because we have not yet met in person and he is fearing of these things,or is this his bad past that's stopping him,or he loves me not?I'm meeting him this weekend ,he's coming to my city to meet me.he had come in February too but I didn't meet him.
We know each other now more than friends obviously.please tell me whts in his head someone!he is going to drive me mad thinking all the time he loves me,he loves me not.should I confess my feeling for the 1st time we meet or should I wait for him to say,I'm scared if I'll scare him away.we have been bonded so badly.please someone suggest me something right.we are both 2 mature people he is 28 and I'm 24,but this question makes me behave like stupid.simply tell me he loves me or he loves me not?

Quote:

simply tell me he loves me or he loves me not?

If you really want the correct answer you take the risk of finding out for yourself. No one can answer that question for you, as we can only give our opinion, which may mean nothing to you, and your situation.

You both need to get to know each other a little more. You need to find out if the 2 of you are ever going to have a future together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you really want the correct answer you take the risk of finding out for yourself. No one can answer that question for you, as we can only give our opinion, which may mean nothing to you, and your situation.

Thanks for reply and sorry for putting up such a silly question.sometimes we get absolutely out of our head and do stupid things,like that question of mine ,I was too pissed of at him and so put on such a question.and yes no one but we can ourselves discover what true love is.just to help my case I've just stopped thinking over this whole matter.I know this can create communication problems but I've stopped calling him much,a sms in the morning is all I do,actually my phone was free so I always used to give him call since last 2months.as a result he would never really bother to call.but today morning he was the one to call me,he has actually caught on my strange behaviour,but I'm just behaving kind of arrogant to him,and this behaviour is natural.but now what can I do except life drive me where it is supposed to,he was the 1st one to make me realize its love and now if he doesn't want things I won't force him.whatever God has planned for me I thinki I will take it.but before anything else I think we were very good friends and I'm planning to give him a call today.thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confused1145

You both need to get to know each other a little more. You need to find out if the 2 of you are ever gonna have a future together.

Yes I agree... thanks... I have decided not to think and hurt myself anymore.whatever is destined to happen it will.thanks

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I met him about months back on a networking website

Long distance, and on line relationships are full of hazards, and one is not being able to communicate directly, and leads people to fill in the blanks on there own. That in itself can lead to misunderstanding.

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he also said that he is not sure about his own feelings for us although he

How can he be sure if you never met? How can you be sure pf your feelings for the same reasons?

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gets jealous and possessive about me if I'm with anyone else.
Does he love me??

That's not a good sign, but are you taking it as one?

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or is he confused because we have not yet met in person and he is fearing of these things,or is this his bad past that's stopping him,or he loves me not?

Without meeting or interacting in person, how will you get answers to those questions?

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I'm meeting him this weekend ,he's coming to my city to meet me.he had come in February too but I didn't meet him.

Good, you can only know a person through face to face interactions and that's what you need to get a realistic picture of another human.

Hi guys... Its 2.5 years back when I posted this. I many a times ponder over how the relationships workout after we give our suggestion. So I thought why not after 2.5 year I complete this story. Well he never came to meet me, he said he wanted to but was too busy. In July that year(2007) I left for my training of engineering to one of the most beautiful places in the world. We kept in touch but I met someone else there. Walking hand in hand with him made me realize this this was what I was waiting for. After a month he proposed to me,and see the twist here, When I told this army guy -he cried and cried and cried and told me he loved me madly!!
Can you believe this??
But the choice was obvious for me I chose my honey (we got engaged after 2 months) . Its 2 years since we are together and planning to get married. He changed my life completely and made me realize everything and everyone else was a mirage and I was trying to find this heart in every heart. I could love no one no more. He is my first and last love ,we go to the office together,we eat together ,we fight together,we do everything with each other.
You might be thinking what about the army guy? Well he told a lot,next many days he used to cry and tell me that he loved me and didn't wanted to waste my life hence he never expressed his love. And many many more lovey dovey things. Don't be sad friends ,I discontinued talking to him too much but after an year he called me and he's doing fine. Still unhappy as a girl left him 2 months back(he met this girl 6 months backs from here). So now he is single.
So that's how this story is after 2.5 years.
So guys just want to tell one things.Don't run after anyone because the one you love is waiting for you and he'll never run from you.
Goodluck.

:)
I love good endings. Thanks for making our day.

Stay Happy. :):D:)