Time to get personal.

I have seen my doctor many times for this and she keeps telling me that I am fine but I don't feel fine.

I am going to be 24 on the 18 of this month (June) and I have never had sex. Every time I come close I close up and get very and I do mean VERY scared about the whole thing. This has cost me someone that I love because he could not deal with my sexual problem. Is it that I am sexually anorexic or what?

I have no problems talking about it and my long time boyfriend (of 6 years) even rented a "movie" to try and get me in the mood but I still could not preform for him. He thought that maybe I was not interested in men so he rented an all female movie but that did nothing for me either.

What is wrong with me? How do I overcome this fear?

Please help...

Undoubtedly you are repressing your feelings and are inhibited perhaps due to your upbringing? Did you have an open communication at home with parents? Were you sheltered about sex and didn't have a chance to open up to someone?

Lots of psychological reasons could be the culprit.

Talk to a therapist as your doctor said you were physically fine. Relax about it as it should be enjoyed and not be seen as detrimental to you.

A fear is basically an emotion that gives us a reason to tense up and become uneasy about a situation. The "unkown" will clam people up about the fear itself. Learn as much as you can. Ask questions and trust your mate.

What part of it do you think is scaring you?
Is it just taking the first step? Have you had bad experiences in the past? Have you heard too many stories about the first time being painful?
I don't think that getting you to watch porn was the most mature approach to help you. I don't imagine it helped much either.

The question is, in spite of other people's pressures... do you WANT to have sex? If you don't, then that's fine. If you're just holding out for the right person, the right moment, anything like that, it's OK. If you have a reason for wanting to wait, no matter how old you are, it's your choice.

But what is it that's holding you back? Are you comfortable with other forms of physical intimacy?

Unless you have something specific that is making you scared, chances are it's just a severe case of first time nerves. There's nothing wrong with that, and you shouldn't try to rush it.

When you really want to, just grit your teeth and go.

Kal

Dear pspjane

Besides your apparent repression of physical sexual feelings (restricted upbringing perhaps?) you seem otherwise a normal and sensible person.

Assuming you do not have any sexual experiences (as you do not mention that), all you can do to release all these negative prohibitions are :

- Start with self stimulation in any way you feel happy with, but try to widen the number of these means as much as possible. Do that in all privacy to learn to know yourself.
Start with fingering, but also (later) expand that learning curve with different types of vibrators or anything else you feel content with.

- If your boyfriend is still willing (or if you have another bf) go extremely slowly, with only increasing foreplay steps when you yourself are ready to go further. If he loves you he will accept the delays involved.

- Although you had one or more boyfriends, have you ever considered the possibility that you may be gay, and/or will always feel unhappy with mixed gender sexual intercourse?

- Whatever you do : make an appointment with a sex therapist to help you in a professional way. There may even be a need to visit a psychiater, as the problem seems to be very deeply inbedded into you.

Success and my best wishes ! All effort is worth it !

;)

And this is not as uncommom for varoius reasons, It can come from all sorts of past life issues or varies problems with worry.
Since you did not talk about your past, it is hard to tell where this is coming from, or if it is just a unrealistic fear you possess.
But Credendovidis is very correct about issues and where to start

Your lack of interest and in fact, fear of sexual relations, has been caused by some bad influences in your childhood... usually those are religion's negative teachings about sexuality and a fearful mother with a punishing attitude to expressions of childhood sexuality; like when a girl exposes herself or rubs her genitals, whatever. Perhaps, you have a fear of growing up?

I think it is interesting that you have a boyfriend who is much like you. Not in any real hurry to pressure you into sex. Is he not marrying you because of your sexual problem?

My opinion is that 24 is late for a female to be a virgin... at some point, you have to get into sex or seriously *risk* becoming, hm what to say, not a normal person.

I think you should talk to a therapist so you can better understand yourself and your views toward your sexuality.

Best wishes going forward! :)

Thanks, excon.

Possibly this may be just a case of vaginismus.

I think that the real therapy is some good self-stimulation and good erotic thoughts to go with it, then move up to inserting vibes etc slowly working your way up to a man-sized organ.

It is a case of psychological/sexual training to rectify this

I think you are just over focusing on the act being you said you have never done it before. You have a fear of that first time. I'm willing to venture its more extreme nervousness. When you are ready the will diminish but until you have actually gone through with it and see there was no real reason to be nervous its likely to continue. Just be sure its with someone you care about and you practice safe sex.