My friend had sex with her boyfriend tonight. She and I have been talking because she had been telling me she thought she was ready to have sex. They have been dating maybe 2 weeks. If that long. I explained to her all the side effects of sex and teenage pregnancy. She isn't even a teenager yet. So she said she would use protection but then I explained how protection is not always reliable. She won't tell me she had sex. I found out from her friend that she told and he told me. I want her to tell me so that I can talk to her about it. But I can't let her know I know because then my friend would get in trouble. What should I do? And if or when she tells me, what should I say to her?

First of all, I have a few questions...
NOT EVEN A TEENAGER YET??
And how old is her boyfriend?

I think you should talk to your friend about abstenence, at least until she can find someone she really loves. 2 weeks, to me, isnt't long enough to build a relationship full enough to involve sex. Ask her if really loves this guy, and thinks he is worth losing her virginity over.

And be proud of yourself. You are a great friend to look out for her like this. Explaining the negative aspects, and talking about sex with your friend, and allowing her to make an informed decision is great. Even if she may have made the wrong decision, at least you tried. You are a great friend.

She is 12 and so is her boyfriend. 2 weeks definitely isn't long enough but I explained the after effects and she still made her decision. She doesn't really love him I know she doesn't because she likes a million other people. Including my boyfriend and she also wants to have sex with my boyfriend. And she wants to have sex with her boyfriend's brother.

Even though I knew all of this, I still tried to help her out because she is like my little sister. She made the wrong decision and even though she might get pregnant and I will be very disappointed in her. She will loose probably all her friends. And friends are supposed to be there through the hard times too. So I will be there to support her.

Am I doing the right thing?

You are doing the right thing. Being there to support her, and being there to help her is all you can do. You don't really have the power to lock her in a room, and say "NO SEX!" So you are doing what you can do, and that is great.

What else can you do? I'm not sure.

But she seems to be going down a bad road...
Have you demonstrated behaviour like this? Or does she try to convince you to have sex with some guys?

12? How can people possibly feel pressured to have sex at 12?
Where are her parents?
You're doing the right thing looking out for her. She probably doesn't really understand the risk she's putting herself in... or the prospect of long term psychological harm.
She doesn't know you know? Perfect time to anonymously talk to the school counselor about it. She's endangering herself in a big way, it's probably best to intervene as soon as possible.

Kal

No I haven't demonstrated behavior like this. I do not believe in sex before marriage. It is against my religion. And hers as well. But I guess that did not matter.

No she does not try to convince me to have sex with guys. She is a bad influence but she isn't someone who pressures you.

My mom and my boyfriend both want me to stop hanging out with her because neither wants me to become like her. I know I'm not going to go down that road but hanging out with her will eventually give me her reputation. I am not one to care about what other people think but I don't want people to think I am an easy whore. Because I am really not.

I am a good friend and a great girlfriend. She is exactly the opposite.

I actually have a future ahead of me. And I don't want something as stupid as a reputation to keep me from getting my dream.

What do I do... not care about the rep and possibly give up my dream or stop being her friend or support her and hope my good influence rubs off on her?

Try to let someone know, maybe an adult or counsellor. You say your mom and BF don't want you to be friends with her, so do they know about her, and what she does, right?

If she is a bad influence, let her know how you feel. Tell her, "I don't think I should be around the activities you are engaging yourself in. I feel you are a bad influence on me, and it would be best that we aren't friends anymore." Don't be rude about it, but be firm, and make sure she knows how you feel.

You have done all you can, alone, right now. You have been more than a good influence on her, and your intelligence isn't just going to rub off on her. I think you need to tell an adult, and get away. Sure, it may embarrass her, but it may also save her life.

That's my opinion on the situation, I hope it was helpful.

And sex shouldn't even be a question at this point in your lives. I'm happy to hear that you aren't the same as your friend, and that you have values. I'm 16. A virgin, drug free, alcohol free, and it feels great!

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Originally Posted by jrsg

Try to let someone know, maybe an adult or counsellor. You say your mom and BF don't want you to be friends with her, so do they know about her, and what she does, right?

If she is a bad influence, let her know how you feel. Tell her, "I don't think I should be around the activities you are engaging yourself in. I feel you are a bad influence on me, and it would be best that we aren't friends anymore." Don't be rude about it, but be firm, and make sure she knows how you feel.

You have done all you can, alone, right now. You have been more than a good influence on her, and your intelligence isn't just going to rub off on her. I think you need to tell an adult, and get away. Sure, it may embarass her, but it may also save her life.

Thats my opinion on the situation, I hope it was helpful.

And sex shouldn't even be a question at this point in your lives. I'm happy to hear that you aren't the same as your friend, and that you have values. I'm 16. A virgin, drug free, alcohol free, and it feels great!

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Good advice. Listen to this!

My mom and my boyfriend know nothing like this. But my boyfriend has seen how she acts around school and my mom knows how fast she goes through boyfriends.

My boyfriend actually is her ex. He dumped her because of the way she put moves on other guys. I think that you guys think she was pressured. Well she wasn't. Her boyfriend was probably the pressured one.

I don't think I should tell a counsellor because then she just wouldn't listen. Her parents allow her to go to her boyfriend's house alone and when he is at her house they are alone. And then if I told my parents they would just forbid me to talk to her and she would get pregnant so fast.

All her other friends aren't concerned and she thinks I am being a horrible friend by telling her not to have sex. And stuff like that. When in actuallity I am being her best friend right now.

Thanks for all the advice you guys.

There is a way that might get your sister to stop thinking about sex but it dosen't always work though, if you can find a video of a woman giving birth she might be impressioned by the pain she goes through and think about how much more it would hurt for someone her age but she might not think about it that way but when I was her age the school put a tape of this and one of the guys actually fell unconscious so that might be of some help anyway.