Two buddies, Bob and Larry, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Larry throws up all over himself.
"Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!"
Bob says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually Larry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! MyGod, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not t O slur his words, Larry says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks.."
"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he crapped in my pants, too."

Where do you get these nutty jokes from? I always laugh at your jokes Magprob... didn't see that one coming for sure. $40 - now that's something my late husband should have pulled on me as I probably would have believed him...

I'm a retired Prison Guard. I've forgotten more than I remember. Most of them cannot be cleaned up enough to post here. Some of them, I don't want to remember... really, really sick!

An admiral friend of mine just loved that joke and told it to anyone who would stay still long enough to hear it. He loves jokes. And yes, his crew would like to throw him overboard at the first opportunity...

Stop telling jokes about my ex! ;) LMAO!

Wow this is weird... just a few weeks before you posted this, my very italian grandfather came and told us this exact joke! My mom nearly cried laughing!

My admiral friend has told that joke so many times it's criminal. He just loves it. He corners anyone who is of a lower rank and tells them this and many of your other jokes Mag. Keep up the good work. The admiral needs to keep busy and keep this men laughing.