I am being told that I am selfish by my girlfriend. I have a full time job and she is going to school full time. We are away from each other quite a bit on a regular basis because of our current situation. When I am home she is gone, when she is home I am gone. We moved in together about a year ago and we have been together almost 2 years now. It seems like all we do is eat and sleep in the same place. We are always too exhausted to have any energy to do things together besides grocery and necessity shopping. We split the rent and groceries (she uses student loan money, money from her parents, and other miscellaneous funds from volunteer work to pay for stuff because she doesn't have a job). Lately we have been fighting a lot over all kinds of random things. She tells me that I am selfish and that all I do is think about myself and what is best for me. I just recently started training on the side for a new (in the future I will be gone for about 3/4 months to complete all of the training). She is almost finished with school and hopefully will be getting a job soon. She seems resentful over little things. She says that "she doesn't know where she fits in in my life anymore" and that "she can't influence me at all". She tells me that she is unhappy with her life and her appearance and doesn't feel happy with me. She is high strung and she never sleeps and is always stressed out. So I go to bed without her on most nights. She tells me that I never look at things through her eyes and in her perspective. The first year of our relationship was solid and I think that over time it has fallen apart. I think that because of our different schedules that we just don't depend on one another for anything anymore because we can't rely on each other to be there. It's like we just take care of ourselves now. She is very defensive and standoffish. I love her very much and want to work through this rough spot. Suggestions anyone? Advice on how to deal with something like this...

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Originally Posted by Frustrated26

I It seems like all we do is eat and sleep in the same place.

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Sounds a lot like the real world! Life in America isn't Beaver Cleaver Land. We all have to make adjustments. She needs to realize you are doing what is best for your future---which may also mean paying off those student loans she living on now if you ever get married.

Has she always high strung and sleepless? If not, did the resentment come with the change in her behavior?

Remember... females like attention. Do what it took to get her and stay with that for a while. If you don't get any change in her behavior then it maybe time to tell her that you need more of her...

It takes two to make a relationship makes, not one. It seems your schedule conflict with your time together. Your need to communicate and try to find time with each other. It can work if your make or want it to work, but again it takes two. If this continue it will only break your up, so both of your need to find time and if your love one another your can find time. Just talk and listen to each other feelings and see what can be done.

You can't live together and have the lives you do and expect anything other than what you have. You have no refuge, no solace, your goals and ambitions and lifestyles don't mesh in any way any longer... but since you live under the same roof you just keep festering.

My simplest solution to SAVING your relationship is going to be the hardest to do... stop living together so you can two can go back to simple courtship.

Even if it means you 2 have to play hooky from school and work for a day, then that is what has to be done. MAKE TIME for each other... it would amaze you how one night of talking and romance could improve the condition of a relatiobship. You both need this! :)

Eather just be friends because you guys never have time with each other or take a break from a job!! U guys have to be together and spend some quality time with eacother but don't live with each other anymore is my adivce to you