Ask Me Help Desk - Is she confused or am I the confused one.

Is she confused or am I the confused one.

Some of you have read my previous question and kind of know my story. My relationship ended just over a month ago and have been in NC for 13 days after about 3 weeks of BS. We have many mutual friends who have seen her out and told me she just looks terrible. Haggard. I have heard this from a couple of different people at this point over the course of the last month. A few weeks ago, prior to starting NC, I was at a bar and she claimed not to recognize me then offered to buy me a drink. LOL very mature. My question is based on what I have heard and her behavior how is she (the breaker) handling this time apart? When you are young and immature is it possible to help "speed" up the learning curve to make this person see how stupid they are being and stop playing games? I think that going out and being seen with other women will drive it home I just wanted some other opinions on how everyone else has handled early 20's immature women. By the way I know some of you will say it is not healthy in the recovery process to be thinking about questions like this I am just curious. I am healing on my own and have actually felt much much better in the couple of days.

I don't think you're mind is where it needs to be, you're playing games with yourself focusing everything on her, and what she needs to do in order to "wake up"- not healthy.
She might not be mature and might be acting in an imature maner, but that shouldn't be your focus right now, it should be all you #1

Good luck

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I just wanted some other opinions on how everyone else has handled early 20's immature women.

Leave them alone, and don't play games.

Talaniman I completely agree with you that is exactly what I have been doing. I know it takes 2 to play games and soon she will be sick of it because I am not participating. What do I do if she begins to contact me after a period of NC? I am almost positive this will happen based on past occurrences in our relationship. Also what if I see her out?

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What do I do if she begins to contact me... what if I see her out?

What if? What if? You're a mess man, and you're trying to deny it.

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By the way I know some of you will say it is not healthy in the recovery process to be thinking about questions like this I am just curious.

Let me be the first: "It is not healthy in the recovery process to be thinking about questions like." Did I get it right? Score!

Look, it's still true. Your curiosity is another term for "I'm gonna teach her one way or another". Again, let me say, "No, you're not."

But, you will find new and efficient ways to waste your energies on this girl, pretty much every day. No one here can stop you, 'cause you're "curious" and all.

*Sigh* We really do want you to do well. But you're not helping.

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What do I do if she begins to contact me after a period of NC?

I always say be polite, but brief. Busy, and unavailable.

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Also what if I see her out?

Polite but brief, busy, and unavailable.

So a little update maybe some of you can help me with. Out last night with a big group of friends and guess who shows up. We both go about the night regularly I believe I did a good job of acting cool. After about 30 minutes I go up and tell her you can still say hello and it does not have to be this awkward. It is brief and strait to the point. The course of the night plays out and I catch her staring at me a couple of times. I went to another part of the bar for a while and she sends me a text asking if I left. I respond asking why she cares. She responds saying she was just curious, to which I answer: Why are you curious, I am not playing games with you any more. Toward the end of the evening she approaches me and begins talking. I tell her if she wants to contact me and get some coffee then that is what she will do. Other than that I will not talk to you in the bar when we have all been drinking. I go home and fall asleep wake up at 3 am to a missed phone call and text from her saying how she hopes I made it home safe and would like to get a cup of coffee. I went back to bed and did not respond. I wake up again to her calling me. She left a message saying if my offer of going to get some coffee is still valid she would like to do it to go “catch up”. Has she just begun to realize the power she had in the relationship is gone. What is she trying to do by saying to catch up, I feel like this is something that could come back to bite me. I do not really know if I would take her back at this point. If anything taking it really slow and see what happens. Thanks for any input

You know in my 62 years, I have never seen a female who was actually confused when it came to a relationship. They may have had problems deciding how to manipulate the other person, but they were never confused. You are the one who doesn't know what's going on.

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Has she just begun to realize the power she had in the relationship is gone.

That remains to be seen.