I have been with my girlfriend since Jan 6th 2005. Only difference is, at the moment it is a long distance one. We have talked about sorting things out so we are able to be with one and other' whenever we want. However, I'm so confused about this relationship.

When we first met, she was intrested in me. Rather than me going out and looking for someone, she took an interest in me and the things I do, and we got chattin. We fell for each other rather quickly. It's hard to explain, but things just happened. Anyway, a few months on into the relationship, I found out she had been seeing another guy. This broke my heart because I loved her like crazy, and I thought she felt the same. When I confronted her about this, she admitted, but said she and her mate was having a laugh with some other guy. Unlike a lot... I didn't leave. I looked back on how we were and how much I love her. Over the next few weeks she proved to me how much she does really love me. I was still weird though because it really hurt when I found out.

However.. arguments began to arise around may/june. We'd find ourselves.. well, me mostly arguin about anything. Stupid petty things. We'd basically fell apart. I was still in love with her a lot, and she loved me. But she felt like she needed somebody who lived closer to her. She got with somebody else in May. I had thoughts that she was with this guy, but when asked, I was told he was just a great friend.

Things got weird, and because all of what happened, she was acting different. Didn't seem herself. Started doing drugs, a drinking a bit more. I still loved her like crazy, and carried on, going through so much **** to be with her. It came to a point where she didn't want me to be hurt, so told me she didn't love me. I was heartbroken. The girl I love more than anything gone. I was depressed. I had a lot of other things happening with my life to making me feel worse and worse. A day or two later I took an overdose. I was in hospital for a while. During this, my brother had told her what had happened (him not knowing we had split). She told me she'd be waiting for me when I could get out of hospital. And she was. She had realized how much I mean to her. People kept on going on at me, saying I did it to get her back. But I did it because my life was falling apart day by day. Tha just topped it off.

We were back together... things were perfect. I felt more loved than I had for months. Until I found out she was with the guy I had suspected. She loved him... he loved her. When she knew I found out, she wudnt speak to me. Until I finally got through to her. She never wanted to hurt me. She just needed somebody because of how much **** we were both going through.

Me being the guy I am... I kept on going with her. I took her back.. she promised not to do it again. And we became perfect. For a week or two. Then the last few weeks have been up and down. I've been becoming more depressed. I kind of have suspisions that she is with somebody else again. When I have asked about it she's denyed it. Or she has told me to get lost with my depression. She had been going through things. Making her like that. But then the last few days have been weird. The other night, we were getting closer than we had for a while. It felt good. Then all of a sudden she ignored me. Didn't say a word for an hour. So I went. She texted me telling me her mum was needing a few things from her. I believed her. But the next day, she wouldn't reply to my texts. So I withheld the number and phoned when she was on her dinner. She answered saying she had been busy with her classes. Her friends wanted to speak. One came to the phone saying 'Is this Sam?'. It got me weird, thinking who is he. Thinking maybe she's with someone else. Lou (my girlfriend) told me she was on the phone to Sam earlier on. That also got me thinking... she told me she was busy... yet she could phone or answer another call?

I was feeling weird all day. I phoned her at the end of the day. She told me she had to pop into her friends for a little while. That she'd text me in a few minutes. So I wait.. and after 2hours no reply. I phone up and she doesn't answer. I phone up again and its engaged. I phoned afterwards and she don't answer again. Like she is avoiding me. I was very upset about this. One of the things I hate the most is when people just ignore me. I hate it. When I did get in touch with her, she said that she was texting me, but fell asleep. She hasn't answered her phone today, she was acting weird, and I'm all confused.

1) I really really love her.

2) I'm depressed, and of course, its hard to trust somebody after what has happened.

3) Am I being over the top with getting upset when she doesn't upset me?

4) I really need help because it shreds me to pieces. I come close to tears, I pull my hair out. Just thinking of her with somebody else makes me want to take another overdose. What should I do?

GET OUT OF THIS NOW!! I went through the same situation (pretty much). The cheating, the lies, the sneaky crap, just get out. Follow your gut man, with girls like this it is dead on. All you are going to do is hurt yourself more and more with this girl. I know you love her and you care about her bud, but you are in for a world of hurt. Let her go, she is just no good. She will NOT change, and if you let her get away with this crap why should she? I did the same thing, kept taking my EX back and kept trying to make things work, but it did nothing. Your girl doesn't respect you and you don't deserve that at all. Break it off NOW why you can. If you don't I see her doing it in the near future. Good luck.

When I was 17 I met a girl who was shy and quiet and wouldn't let anyone in. I wouldn't give up or give in and we became fast friends. About a month into our friendship she told me she was a lesbian, it didn't shock me or repulse me, rather it intrigued me. Over the next year we became very close and there wasn't anything we didn't know about one another. We would talk on the phone at least 10 times a day and hang out whenever we could. I was attracted to her but because of my raising I wouldn't allow myself to act on any of those feelings. I watched her date other girls and I dated men. We got into a fight and I moved away thinking that I could forget her. It didn't work like that and one night on the phone we revealed our true feelings for one another. We didn't act on them as she had a girlfriend and I wasn't ready to face the world, let alone my family with the news of my sexuality. When I met the father of my child and moved in with him, this girl and I lost contact. Over the course of the next 3 years there wasn't a day went by that I didn't think of her and want to talk to her. Finally one day after my 21 birthday I phoned a mutual friend and asked if she would pass on the message to this girl that I wanted to connect with her and left my number. A few days later she phoned and we realized that nothing had changed after all that time, we still felt the same way and decided to get together. Finding her again led to the breakup of my family (it's a long story, but my relationship with my sons' father was long since over). I moved to be closer to this girl and I was head over heels! It wasn't long before I realized that though nothing had changed between us, but EVERYTHING had changed in us! She was in a back and forth relationship with her ex and would turn to me to pick up the pieces. I loved her and was willing to pick her up. But as soon as she was feeling better the ex would walk back in she would push me out and soon we began the cycle all over again. She would profess her love for me stay in my arms in the night and as soon as daylight would come, back to the ex she would go. I put up with the constant web of turmoil for more than 3 years because she meant the world to me! She was like my drug! I would get my fix and be okay for awhile, and even though it was bad for me I couldn't let go.
Without getting into to many details lets just say that I put up with A LOT of crap from her! My breaking point came when she tried to charge me with assult the third time! I hadn't seen her in a year when I ran into her in the bar. I bought her a beer and we talked for awhile, reminiscing about the 'old days' back when we were friends and nothing more. I asked if she was living with anyone and she told me no. In the spirit of friendship I invited her back to my friends with a bunch of people for drinks after the bar. She told me she had to make a phone call first. When I heard that she called home, everything that we had been through came back to me as though we were still living that tangled web! I went to walk away when she grabbed my arm. I told her she hadn't changed and she never would. I twisted my arm out of her grasp, walked away and never looked back. The next day I got a call from the cops, she was trying to charge me with assult AGAIN!! I started to laugh and told the cop that it was the third time she had tried that, and that it was one of many bogus charges. As he looked it up he laughed also. For the record I have never ever hit her or hurt her physically, nor have I ever messed with a vehicle that her or her ex drove. There were at least 8 complaints between the two of them saying something or other. They were completely unfounded and nothing ever came of them. But for me, at that point it showed me who she truly was! And for the first time in over 6 years I was able to walk away knowing that the power she had over me was finally gone!! She was a manipulator, a liar, a betrayer, and an unfaithful person! The girl that I had loved and spent so much time with was gone and I couldn't get her back, no matter how much I tried to love her I was kept at arms length.
It has been a few years since then, but the memory of her lingers to this day. I love her still and am not sure if that will ever go away, but what I know now, she only holds the power if I let her! I do not wish to see her again, nor do I ever want to pick up the pieces of that broken relationship, I do not even wish to have her friendship back as I once did. I don't regret the time I spent with her, it taught me a lot about who I was, and has made me the person I am today.
One very valuable lesson I learned is that when you are ready to let go, you will. You will have your fill and walk away. There's nothing in the world that will make you give it up until then! Some people would say to just "let it go and get over it", it doesn't work like that! You will only let go when you realize that you are worth more, and this person is NEVER going to change. The relationship that you have now is going to be the relationship that you have 10 years from now. I say that because, you've already shown her that no matter what she does, you love her unconditionally and take her back. Thus giving her the permission to continue walking all over you. You will not break free from this until you take back the power you have given her! Until you take a stand for yourself and say this person isn't good for me, they are tearing my world and my life apart. Believe me when I say, that even you get her, your life is going to be CRAP! She will not treat you with the respect you deserve. If she's lying to you now, think about what she will do later on if you get together. Not only is this emotionally stressful this is very dangerous! If she's telling you that you're the only one and yet sleeping around on you, WHAT is she bringing home to you. Every person she sleeps with YOU sleep with too! Every disease she comes into contact with YOU do too!
Remember that you are worth more! And the only power this chick has over you, you gave to her, and therefore can take away too! There are so many people out there just looking for someone special to love, waiting for someone to love them. They are not going to mess you around or lie to you like this woman is. But to find them you need to be rid of the baggage you are carrying in the form of this girl. It's your decision, no one can help you make it, no one can make it for you. But I guarantee if you sit down and you think about all the lies, all the betrayal that she's dealt out to you, and think to yourself "I DON'T DESERVE THIS, I AM WORTH MORE" soon you will discover that you've had enough and you will take the power back and move on with your life. Believe when you are ready you will know it, and the sense the relief and freedom that you feel will never be matched in your life when you cut those chains! Take it from someone who's been there, it's not easy but it is worth it...
Good luck, I wish you all the best. Know that you're not alone, everyone goes through it at one point or another. You just have to realize you're worth more!

By the by, to set the record straight, I am not a lesbian, I date men and haven't ever found another woman that I liked, for some reason, I connected with her on a level I had never been on before with another person.

As I'm sure other posters will agree, you need to stop contacting this woman and make her miss you. Get on with your life and pursue new interests. Wait for her to contact you . When she does, you see her when it's conveinient for you . When you're with her, have fun and keep it light. Then when it's time to part, keep that just as light and say "sayonara." Don't make any promises to her and wait at least several weeks before calling her again. Better yet, wait for her to call you again. You need to keep her shrouded in the dark about your life and what you're doing with whom. The worst thing you can do is to act desperate and needy. You don't need her, you only think you do and you have the power to change what you think. So think like you don't need her. She can need you if she wants but you don't need her. This way you stay in control and don't give away your power. Your goal is to have fun with her, whatever floats your boat. Have sex, hang out together, go to a favorite restaurant but whatever you do, DON'T OBSSESS! Remember, it's your life, so don't let anyone control your happiness. Make your own rules and play by them.

To All Young dudes--Stop mistaking attraction,lust,or compatibility for love.By the standards I see in these threads this love thing seems to freak you out.What happened to young single and free to enjoy all the ladies how come this love thing comes up before you even know who your dealing with.Do you like the drama or what.date and have fun with everyone.You break up move on, MAN up and quit crying the sooner you take hold of your life the sooner you get on with your life.It may seem hard to do but what's the alternative,sitting all alone wondering or taking the next step in your life?your choice. :cool:

Thanks to everyone who replied. Kind of got the idea.

I phoned up a helpline the other day (Im on big list to see a shrink) And they've moved it so its on Monday now. But since then everything has gone wrong.

We had another argument about her ex again, and she stook up with him. I wrote her something so she could read... expressing my feelings... only now... I think she's going back with her ex... the one she cheated on me with.

Im so ****in hurt at the moment... ive never felt like this... is der anyway to stop the pain?

Hi,
I have experienced pain from loving someone who either broke up, moved on, or found someone else. It happens to all of us, sooner or later, and most times, happens again!
I am 63 now, but years ago in college, experienced the same thing, losing the love of my life.
It took 2 yrs to "get over" her. By that I mean so I could seriously start looking for someone else. I still remember her after 40 yrs, but it's fond memories.
It will take time to get over the pain. I can tell you that the best way is to start talking with other people, meeting new girls.
I know it's hard to do that, (been there, done that), but the sooner you force yourself to starting meeting new girls, and talking, getting to know them, the better you will feel. Talking is the key; and really helps.
I do sincerely wish you the best, and just hang in there... it does get better!

Hey all. I posted a while back about my girlfriend cheatin. I took her back and we were great. She then dumped me and its been pretty hard. Wasn't together since before xmas, but we got back. However, my depressions kind of been messed up lately.

She keeps things that get her upset from me, and I hate it because I want to be able to help. She hates the way I can't let things go, and its ruinin us. Anyone help?

You already know this, but don't seem to want to accept it: This girl is no good for you.

When I read this post, in context with your other posts about her, I still cannot believe you are trying to make something work with this woman. You have drop her out of your life. She's poisioning you.

Being there to help her through things that upset her isn't going to save this relationship.

You should be more worried about helping yourself.

At this point you're acting like keeping her is the best way to help yourself. But I don't think you've got her. She's dumped you.

Hurts like hell. Uncertainty sucks. Most people at some point go through a "will i ever feel better and find someone new" period in their lives. Here is yours.

But it's a lot worse to waste time on someone who is acting this way. You're only going to be more mad at yourself later for wasting this time.

Make the cut. Accept this is not good for you. Work on getting yourself straight. Then you'll be able to find the next meaningful relationship.

Hi, scotty,
First, she cheated on you. Then, she dumped you.
Now she keeps things that get her upset from you.
And, she tells you that you can't let things go.
Am I right so far?
The problem is that you can't let her go.
You have your whole life ahead of you, and is this girl the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? I wouldn't.
It's your choice. Either keep trying to work out things with someone who really doesn't seem to respect you, Or, take control of your life, and start meeting some new girls. Smile, and others will smile with you. Staying with her, and trying to start up a new relationship is going to be very difficult.

I bet all your friends tell you to leave this girl alone cause she's making an *** out of you. Everyone here thinks you should leave this girl alone cause she is making an *** out of you.I bet a hundred bucks your depressed because you feel like an ***! Leave the girl alone and you will stop being an.. :cool: :rolleyes:

Leave, leave now! Don't save what is not worth saving. Redirect your energy toward making yourself stronger and stop being a sucker.

Move on my friend. This is not a good relationship and will not become one.

Bottom - ditch this gal. Have nothing to do with her.

I love my daughter to death. She has more faith, honest character, and resilience than I ever had... except in one case.

There's a boy who's madly in love with her. They dated a years plus and then she broke it off. Well he's still around. A friend of the family... but we can just tell the guy is trying to hold on and by sheer will and effort get her back. Well... my daughter lets him. Even though she knows shell never be with him, shell never date him again, and even though she loves him as a friend... he drives her crazy in ways thatll never let it work.

But she just won't tell him it'll never ever work. He knows she doesn't want to date her. But he still takes her out and buys her things and she lets him. Nothing wrong with this in general... but it doesn't take much to see that he makes an extra effort because he wants her back.

Drives me a bit nuts. But her position is if he wants to spend him time and effort and money on her, its his prerogative. True. But its hard to watch.

Point is, your ex (and whatever you call her, she's your ex not your gf) might just lead you on and on as long as you are convenient for her. Don't expect her to say its done. You need to figure this out yourself.

kp2171 - ughhhhhhhhhhhh - I feel for the dude. He's done EVERYTHING wrong to win back a gals heart.

I wish I coul have a talk with him. Hanging is the worst thing you can do. And he shouldn't spend a dime on her - no way.

There are ways to win gals hearts back - I try to tell people the best way to do it... but they always screw it up.

I'm a 17year old girl,and I say leave her alone. If a girl cheats then she needs to be with a cheater, and if she is happy with you then let her come back to you so you don't look like a p***y guy, because no girl wants to be with a push over. Not saying that you are, but you could do better than that. I mean there are a lot of girls looking for a good guy.

Well... some of you may of read my other posts. On Wednesday, I asked my girlfriend if she loved me. She said yes. I asked her does she want to make a go of this relationship. She wasn't sure. A week ago she was telling me she's missed me and that..

We isn't talked for two days because I was gutted about her not being sure if she wants me anymore. I told her this today, and she told me. She loves me.. but she isn't in love with me anymore. I got angry at first, heartbroken once again by her. Then I went numb, calmed down. She kept on being mean in ways. I tried something durin this time. I kept my cool. I know that at least I won't go off regretting I could have done something different. And maybe she'll go off wishing she never hurt me the way she did.

Anyway, before she left, she told me she doesn't hate me, its just for the best if we didn't talk again. So I know in ways she cares, but I'm still extremely upset about it. One week ago life was picking up. Got a new job, was back with her. I cancelled my shrink appointments because I was feeling happy. Now I just don't see the point in anything anymore. What's the point in living, if you've got nothing to live for.

OH, but you do have SO MUCH to live for! Live for YOU, I know it's hard to get through this, but YOU CAN get through this, you just have to keep moving, do you have a hobby or something that you really enjoy doing? If not, get one and really put some thought into it. THere is someone out there who will appreciate you for YOU, and if she can't see that, then she doesn't deserve you. If you just got a new job, put some energy into that, don't let her get in the way of that either. I know from experience that it is not worth giving up everything else in your life when you are down over losing someone. Just focus on your friends and the people who see you for you, and eventually with time you will feel better! Hang in there, it can only get better! :)