:confused: I am 33 and my boyfriend is 40. We've been dating for a year & 2 months now. Our relationship is not that stable we always have our fights every now and then, because of my super sensitive, most of the time insecurities. So I tend to over react on small things... in other words I'm really a roller coaster with my emotions. But I have no doubts that I want to spend my life with my boyfriend because he is so good to me and gentle with words and actions. Just very recently I broke the ice between us since we never talked about marriage or anything that leads to such matter. I told him that I want to settle down soon with him. And he said he is not settling down sooner unless if he is sure that he is comfortable with me since according to him we don't have a strong foundation. And that we always argue and fight every now and then... he said it will take a while for him to think of settling down because he really wants to be 100% sure if the girl he would marry is really for him. I know that he has grounds for telling that we are not that stable together but to me even though we have a lot of differences I take him as a whole and our shortcomings and accept that and willing to deal with it. My question is should I wait and see if time will come he would say to me oh I'm sure now of you lets get married... is that a smart move on my part?? Or leave the relationship? I'm so not getting if he is into me just like the way I am to him. Please help, I've been a failure in my past relationships, I don't know if I'm really the one screwed up here...

You have to be strong enough to stand up for the BIG things you want in life. If you've decided the things about him that you don't like are things you can live with for the rest of your life and you're ready to settle down... tell him that. Let him know your commitment is firm and ready.

But also let him know you're no doormat, nor do you believe like a schoolgirl that there is only "one guy" who can make you happy. If he's not ready by "x-date" to put wheels on this carriage, you'll love him forever, but you won't wait forever.

You need to mean this, too. You need to know what you want in live, I mean the BIG things. Sometimes, you have to walk away from a half-baked pie if it just isn't baking all the way through. You just do.

Also, he needs to know you love him, but not enough to stop loving life and all it can offer. If he's not interesting in making the offer, one of the other many capable "awesome guys" will snap you up and make you a family... right now you're not giving them a chance. But you will.

Personally, I believe 2 years is the magic number. If you don't have a wedding date set by 18-20 months, I'd seriously reconsider this particular pie shell.

I really think your getting ahead of yourself here, and think you should be seeing if you can solve your differences, and work together, before thinking of jumping into a marriage, as 14 months is barely time to know each other well. I think you both will see each other and your future together in a more realistic light in 6 months to a year from now. What's the hurry? You have a lifetime, so see how it goes from here.

If you say that the guy is really good to you and gentle with his words... then I think I understand the guy's doubts with you. Did you ever think that in spite all of those fights, why did he stick with you. Im sure the guy loves you and is very honest to say that he's not sure if you're the one. He loves you, maybe he's sure of that, but if He has to go through your insecurities for everyday in his life, that's one thing He's not sure of. Get over it. If women loves a man to be depended on, so do they. They need a woman sure of herself, someone they can rely on ( they also get insecure sometimes you know), and not someone that he feels he's walking on eggshells when with her.

:) Thank You For All Your Helpful Responses To My Question... It Really Means A Lot To Me... All The Best To All Of You...

Thank You Again.

J.

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Originally Posted by loner

our relationship is not that stable we always have our fights every now and then, bec of my super sensitive, most of the time insecurities. so i tend to over react on small things... in other words im really a roller coaster with my emotions.

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You've got to work on this or your relationship will be ruined. Take a look at my profile to see my story to see how my ex's insecurities destroyed our relationship.

Addressed To Freeatlast1

To Freeatlast1

Thank You For Letting Me Read Your Profile.. That Was Really Helpful To Realize My Mistakes. Somehow I See Myself In Your Ex's Shadow. Its Really Hard To Deal With Your Own Self When You Are Suffering From Insecurities...
All These Insecurities Are Rooted From Our Past And Childhood... And Dealing Alone With It Is Never An Easy Task... I Am Aware Of It And Still I Am Struggling To Keep Myself Normal... I Guess Ur Happier Now... But Your Gf Doesn't Wish You Harm.. The Only Thing She Wants To Know If U Have Ever Loved Her... Because She Is So Insecure She Thinks That Its So Impossible For Her To Be Loved By You... That's How I Am Suffering From My Insecurities And Im Really Trying To Be Very Cautious Of My Actions And Emotions Bec I Know Its Me Who Is Having A Real Problem Here... Thank You For Your Response Really... I Do Really Appreciate It... Trying To Send U Message But I Can't Get Through So I Post It Here Hoping You Can Read It.