Seriously, I know how stupid it is to not get over a guy. It's been 7 months for chrissake. I broke up with him, and I still care about him. I've tried everything. But I cannot get over him. He cheated, if he was another guy, I wouldn't even give him as much as a glance. But I still care and I cannot stop caring. I know how stupid this must seem, I really do but you can't make me feel worse then I already do. The time I spent with this guy was some of the happiest I ever felt. And yes, I went out with guys after him, that didn't work either cos I ended up breaking up with them cos I didn't have feelings for them, then felt guilty for hurting them, making me feel even worse. I tried having random flings with guys as well instead of relationships and it didn't work cos it just made me feel easy. I really don't know what to do anymore. I keep thinking that maybe if I had forgiven him something could have worked but I don't know anymore. Please, I really need to get over this guy.

Hey, hang in there. The samething happened to me, ( she cheated on me ). What you did, was the right thing to do. He disrespected you, and you are worth way more then that. I forgave my girl, and she walked all over me. Stick to NC, It will clear your head, and help you get over him. I am starting to look back and realize how I would have made a mistake if I were to stay in a relationship without trust. ( shivers ) trust me, take your time, both of you have some groing to do. OK well the pm didn't work. Here is my email give me a buzz so I can really talk to you. ([email protected])

Hey there,

Well first off don't regret your decision. You did the right thing, and if it was important enough to him he would have went above and beyond to prove himself worthy of you. Well 7 months isn't necessarily a long time... I know a few people that took a year to get over a relationship. Being totally in love with someone and having them cheat on you is a scarring event that is going to take time to get over.

Sounds like you might be rushing things with trying to get into a new relationship... and just hooking up with people after a relationship actually doesn't help a lot of people, it can actually make you feel worse. Take some time to work on yourself, get some hobbies and work on your friendships, start feeling happy on your own before you try and find another guy.

Also, are you still talking to this guy? That will always prolong the suffering.

I don't really have a choice but to talk to him. I introduced him to my friends when we were going out so now my friends are his friends. Besides, my country is so small (Malta, Europe) we have no choice but to run into each other. We hang out at the same places. I see him at least once a week without wanting to. I know I rushed into too many relationships, I felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone anymore after the whole cheating thing. It's that feeling of 'Wasn't I good enough for him?' 'What does she have that I don't ?'.. etc..

He didn't really prove himself but he did try. When I broke up with him he cried (though I was so angry at the time I just figured he was acting), he helped me out a lot. He got me out of sticky situations like three times. (I went through a rough patch recently, and got extremley drunk twice in the past year and he was there hugging me telling me It's going to be okay and kissing my forehead while I was in the middle of a panic Attack. It wasn't coincidence that I met him in the club where I was, the friend I was with saw me having an attack and called him. He was asleep and he came all the way to help me out. That happened twice, and really messed with my feelings) And I never got over him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ConfusedGrl

I don't really have a choice but to talk to him. I introduced him to my friends when we were going out so now my friends are his friends. Besides, my country is so small (Malta, Europe) we have no choice but to run into each other. We hang out at the same places. I see him at least once a week without wanting to. I know i rushed into too many relationships, i felt like i wasn't good enough for anyone anymore after the whole cheating thing. It's that feeling of 'Wasn't i good enough for him?' 'What does she have that i don't ?' .. etc..

He didn't really prove himself but he did try. When i broke up with him he cried (though i was so angry at the time i just figured he was acting), he helped me out a lot. He got me out of sticky situations like three times. (I went through a rough patch recently, and got extremley drunk twice in the past year and he was there hugging me telling me It's going to be okay and kissing my forehead while i was in the middle of a panic Attack. It wasn't coincidence that i met him in the club where i was, the friend i was with saw me having an attack and called him. He was asleep and he came all the way to help me out. That happened twice, and really messed with my feelings) And i never got over him.

---

Well I will tell you one thing you have that he doesn't... Integrity. Cheating on someone is the bottom of the barrel.

Those are all nice things but nothing above what he would do for you normally.

Seeing him all the time will drag it out a lot longer, but eventually you will get over it. You will get sick of feeling this way. A friend of mine insisted on being best friends with her ex, and it took her well over a year to get over it, but she did. I think you should try and avoid him when you can, don't let him be there for you anymore, are your friends incapable of taking care of you? And don't ask your friends to contact him when you "think" you need him, because you don't. You are still dependent on him and you have to break that pattern.

thanks. You're right. That happened a while ago and I'm still kicking myself because I let it. I didn't ask my friends to contact him but they did, I was mad but it's over now. Thank you very much, you've been great =)

You are not stupid. He cheated on you and you got rid of him I think you did the right thing. I agree with NNG rushing into other relationships right away will not take away the pain of the one you miss. It will take time and patience to get through the pain. Still this is a great site with some great people who have been in the same situation you are in.

As ajhastings said NC really does help. It is hard to do initially but it works. I have been on NC since Monday and although I miss my ex and would love to see or speak with her I know that I am only chasing a fantasy and that nothing would really change over the long term. There are people out there who will love you and give you the respect you deserve. First though you must respect yourself. Glad you are here with us.

I really think you have tried all the wrong ways to replace the hurt in your soul, and made it much worse. Instead of looking to replace what you lost, learn to love yourself, and start appreciating yourself for who you are. You can do many things to build a life that you enjoy, without depending on anyone else. For some really good suggestions and insights, just click on the links in my signature, and read the stickies for this forum. Let me know what you think.

I went out ,bought a calender and started NC. Talaniman thank you so much for the links they helped a lot. I started baking to get my mind off texting/calling him and it actually worked. All I needed was to keep myself busy, one day and I feel so proud of myself. Now all I need is to find someone in need of a bunch of choclate cakes and muffins because I ran out of space..

Seriously though, you guys have been such a great help. Thank you so much.

I like cakes, and muffins

ConfusedGrl I can't believe how similar your situation is too mine! I broke up with my ex a week ago because he cheated, although I found out he cheated on me last October, (when we had been together for 8months) and then again in February, I STUPIDLY forgave him both times, and 4 months on I felt like he didn't try enough to gain my total love and respect back or even try and prove he really wanted me in his life, because he was a coward...

I'm trying the no contact. Its so hard, I rang him 12 times last night whilst drunk with my friends (if they knew they'd kill me, I kept bloddy sneaking off!) and I was cringing this morning, but now I aim to seriously not contact him. I'm going to give you the advice I'm trying to stick by, that you have to forget what you want and REMEMBER what you deserve. There is apsaloutly no point in wishing you still had a relationship with a cheat, the magic of the relationship disappeared the moment they betrayed you. I also can relate to seeing them a lot or hearing of where they are, what they are doing... it drives you crazy, my ex is extremely popular and I find this really hard.

Good luck anyway, would love to hear from your progress because I believe it will help me too! I actually can't believe the similarity of our situation! Your not alone sweetie take care xo

Feels so good to meet people in the same situation as me! No contact is hard, but it's myt second day and so far I am managing okay I guess. I'm working more shifts at work and when I'm at home with nothing to do and think I just bake. A lot.

It's his birthday on the 20th June, and I have been kicking myself because I am so tempted to text him. After we broke up and at the stage where we were still friends I expressed a wish to do a tattoo, and he said that he's doing one too and would love to take me. He said he wanted it after his birthday, to represent new beginnings, a new leaf in his life. His birthday is five days from now and right now, that is all I think about. And the only day off work I have is on his birthday, and I'll be out clubbing, at the same places he goes clubbing , I don't have a choice. (I don't want to see him, yet I do) It's driving me insane.

Quote:

---

His birthday is five days from now and right now, that is all I think about.

---

Can't you see that your holding on to something you need to let go of? Let him celebrate his own birthday.

Quote:

---

And the only day off work I have is on his birthday, and I'll be out clubbing, at the same places he goes clubbing , I don't have a choice.

---

Wrong, you have plenty of choices, you choose not to exercise them and go with the one that allows you to see him. Unless your town has only one watering hole, you need to go somewhere else, or stay home and read a book.

Quote:

---

(I don't want to see him, yet I do) It's driving me insane.

---

Make a decision and stick to it. Your letting your mind play tricks on you, that's what's driving you insane.

You are so right. I am going to let him do whatever he wants for his birthday, it's not my problem. My whole country only has one clubbing central though, so it's safer to stay home. I will end up seeing him if I won't. I will not see him. I refuse to. He can go celebrate his own freaking birthday and if he wanted me to be there he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. His fault, not mine. I just won't answer his calls.