Ask Me Help Desk - What does she want

What does she want

From my experience women don't always tend to say what they mean. How do you know when a girl wants you to fight for them?

I have already posted my relationship problem up but to sum things up we broke up about 3 weeks ago. I went over to collect my things and we hung out - almost like nothing had happened. We cuddled, kissed and all the like. When I was about to go she asked me for one last kiss which could be said to have lasted forever. Somehow things just don't feel over. Maybe she wants me to prove something to her? Or perhaps its just wishful thinking on my half.

Any input would be appreciated.

It seems that she still loves you or cares for you.

Ask her what it would take reconcile the relationship, what you AND her need to improve.

What was the reason that she broke the relationship up?

She seems confused.

Either that or she is just playing with your head...

How old are you guys? I can tell you this from experience. If you guys are young this could be signs of what's to come. When I was younger I broke up with my ex a few times because deep inside I wanted out but because I didn't know better and because I was too comfortable we ended up making up and continue on with the relationship. Did you know what happened when we got older? She broke up with me, but the funny thing is that she waited until I had accepted things for what they were. I feel like she might be settling now or perhaps you are too. I know for a fact that we did. Save yourself the heartache and give her the space she needs to really make a good decision. How can she end it one moment and the next you guys are making out? Confusing isn't it?

Who broke up with whom and what reasons were given?

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Originally Posted by thoughtiwastheman

How old are you guys?

we're both 20

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How can she end it one moment and the next you guys are making out? Confusing isn't it?

Confusing isn't the word.. we broke up initially she said she wanted space, then a few days later she rings me and tells me she's sorry and that after a week she'll get back with me - with this I was over the moon, all the contact had been over the phone and we mutually agreed that night (when she called) that id go over and see her and we'd talk about this properly. She said that I had hurt her and that she regretted saying that she'd be getting back with me - because that would be making things too easy for me. Okay fair enough I saw where she was coming from - but I was angry that she was toying with me. We did have sex that night and since we have been in contact.

One minute she's saying she needs space, the next it's a different story. Lately she has been saying that its too late for us. One night I saw her out with someone else - I made a scene to say the least, during my explosion she told me that she still loved me.

The day after I went to collect my stuff and that's when the real confusion started (stated in my post above).

I haven't contacted her for the past few days, but I don't know what I should do. I really don't know what she wants for me. I truly love this girl.

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Who broke up with whom and what reasons were given?

She broke up with me, over me breaking her trust.

Come on, stop making me ask. Breaking her trust HOW?

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Come on, stop making me ask. Breaking her trust HOW?

At the beginning of the relationship (we were together for just over 2 years) I emotionally cheated on her. The other week she saw a conversation between me and a female friend of mine (who she has warned me about) and it was flirtasious. This opended up old wounds.

She is putting something on your mind, see what your missing? Women don't have to beat you over the head with a club, when they can just give you a whiff of perfume. Its called punishment for being a very bad boy.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Its called punishment for being a very bad boy.

So I should just sit back and take it i.e. let things play out her way?
Or am I meant to be doing something?

As you can tell - I really don't know how to play this one.

You're a man. Men are creatures of action. If you're interested in this girl still, she has kicked the door open a little for you. Now it's up to you.

Reinitiate things with her or don't. It's your choice, not hers. You don't make a move on her ONLY because you think she'll accept it, you make a move because you want to. Success IS up to her, but you have to do the trying.

The worst that could happen is she turns out to be still not interested, which means nothing really changes. So you have very little to lose by asking her out again.

Lets be real, your actions have hurt and angered her. She probably doesn't trust you either. Time to stop playing kissy face, and talk, and resolve this issue, one way or another. When she has your heartfelt apology, let her think about it with no pressure from you.

She will either accept you back or not.

We have been talking sporadically over this past week or so.. my tone has been very heart on sleeve type of thing whereas she is more distant and cold but seemingly throws some niceties in which seem to keep me hanging on. She comes to the conclusion that she's happier on her own I broke contact with her for 5 days after hearing this and then bumped into an old (mutual) friend who told me that she (my ex) wasn't happy at all, that she was afraid of me hurting her again but suggested that I shouldn't give up on her etc I get back in contact and she sounds a lot calmer towards me, tells me she misses me but doesn't want a relationship anymore. We've arranged to meet in a few days time.

Is she at all interested in us getting back together? I get the impression that she'd rather eat dirt then let me know how she truly feels and in a way she's being devious, but on the other hand she could be a million percent sure that she doesn't want me. I can't seem to get the answer from her directly. Another friend of mine thinks that she's enjoying putting me through all of this and this is her way of teaching me a lesson, but eventually she'll accept me back.

As time goes on I may be getting more confused about what it is she wants, but I'm feeling less upset about the situation.

Never listen to her friends, they may mean well but are not working in your interests.

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Tells me she misses me but doesn't want a relationship anymore. We've arranged to meet in a few days time.

Why the meeting if she has made up her mind?? What possible good can that have??
Me, I move on, and avoid the rest of the drama.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Never listen to her friends, they may mean well but are not working in your interests.

Good point.

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Why the meeting if she has made up her mind?? What possible good can that have??

I guess so that she can toy with me some more?

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Me, I move on, and avoid the rest of the drama.

Yes - this whole process has aged me to say the least.

She got back in contact after 4 months.
We spoke about a lot pretty much everything. Im worried about her lifestyle since we split.. but I guess that's none of my concern anymore. Even though it was a pretty emotional conversation it was nice to hear from her after so long.. I'm guessing it was her attempt at closure? She did end the conversation telling me that she'd always love me which has haunted me a little.

I am currently dating a few girls.. but deep down my ex still has my heart.
Would it be wrong/selfish of me to try and pursue her again after all this time?

Wrong? No.
Selfish? No.
Helpful? Probably not.

Calls like the one you had the other night feel fine at first, but I fear they will create more angst than you know yet.

I hope you shake off the effects of that call and put it behind you. It should remain a unaffecting as you can manage. You have your life, she has hers, they are separate, you will both fare better if you avoid calls like that.

Just my concerned two pennies...

I just don't understand why I'm so willing to be so self destructive when it comes to her.

They're called "bad habits" because they are "habits". It's familiar, she's familiar. Don't beat yourself up, it is what it is.

JB is right, she is like a drug and you're addicted. You walk away from it, then as soon as you're tempted, you go back running