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-   -   "the innocent's revenge" MY NEW POEM! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=226074)

  • Jun 12, 2008, 09:48 AM
    Sonador101
    "the innocent's revenge" please tell me what you think
    Around me, so innocent.
    But the unexpected,
    Can loom on anyone,
    It just happened to be mine,
    My misfourtune,
    That almost killed us all.

    I could do nothing,
    But they wanted me,
    And they fought for me,
    And even the dragons,
    Could not defend me.
    I was lost,
    In my own world.

    "why!? why do they want me!?"
    I cried.
    But as I dwelled in self pity,
    More died.
    They wanted me,
    Me and only me,
    The dragons died for me.

    They found me alone,
    Frightend in my own home,
    All alone.
    What could I do,
    All there was was to give in.

    But...
    I FOUGHT BACK!
    And all was mine again,
    The powewr within me,
    Was awakend,
    They bleed,
    For all the incoent
    That blead!
    And they paid for,
    Their misdeeds,
    And at last,
    All was free.

    But I still cry,
    For those I couldn't save,
    Those who died,
    Who were brave.
    But I rose above fear,
    And brang innocent back here,
    However,
    Never,
    Will I be inncoent
    Again.
  • Jun 13, 2008, 08:36 AM
    bushg
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sonador101
    around me, so innocent.
    but the unexpected,
    can loom on anyone,
    it just happend to be mine,
    my misfourtune,
    that almost killed us all.

    i could do nothing,
    but they wanted me,
    and they fought for me,
    and even the dragons,
    could not defend me.
    i was lost,
    in my own world.

    "why!? why do they want me!?"
    I cried.
    but as I dwelled in self pity,
    more died.
    they wanted me,
    me and only me,
    the dragons died for me.

    they found me alone,
    frightend in my own home,
    all alone.
    what could i do,
    all there was was to give in.

    but...
    I FOUGHT BACK!
    and all was mine again,
    the powewr within me,
    was awakend,
    they bleed,
    for all the incoent
    that blead!
    and they paid for,
    their misdeeds,
    and at last,
    all was free.


    I like it it is very passionate. It says to me that there is a valuable lesson in here. Take a stand and fight for what is right and you will prevail.
    I do not really understand this line "but i rose above fear,
    and brang innocent back here,"

    But I really like this part


    "but i still cry,
    for those i couldn't save,
    those who died,
    who were brave.
    however,
    never,
    will i be inncoent
    again.

    "

    *edit*So true trials in life takes away some of our innocence. Look how you rose above misfortune to win... very good.
    I really like the passion in this poem. I also like to seeing that you are a young woman that believes in standing for what you consider to be right. It shows in your writing.;)
  • Jun 13, 2008, 08:40 AM
    Sonador101
    What "i brang innocence back here" means that there is no longer death, and stuff here, and I saved all the innocent people here
  • Jun 13, 2008, 09:06 AM
    bushg
    Sonador... do you mind me asking what state you are from and hold old you are?. your word "brang" reminds me of a little country girl. I am not trying to offend I think it is cute.
  • Jun 13, 2008, 11:05 AM
    Sonador101
    OK I say brang a lot, and every time I say that my mom says "thats not a word!" anyway I am from Nevada and am 13, witch doesn't have the country accent, I have a californiain accent, but I have been told I have an accent but I don't know what it is.
  • Jun 13, 2008, 11:10 AM
    bushg
    After I posted that I went and looked at your profile.
    Your accent is probably a melting pot kind of thing... bring, brung, brang, brought you get your point across. Keep writing.

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