Hi, I live with my boyfriend we have been together for a year now and I have a little boy who's 4 to a previous partner. We are engaged to be married have the wedding booked for next year but there is an issue that keeps coming back. My boyfriend split with his girlfriend of 8 years approx 2 years ago. At first it didn't bother me that they kept in touch but the more serious our relationship became the more it irritated me the fact that they were constantly texting he kept telling her everything that was going on with us and half the time denying that had even spoken to her. He split with her because they had been together since they were about 14 and they used to always argue and eventually they were both regularly unfaithfull to each other. She moved to cardiff and they used to keep in touch all the time. When we got together she was 3 months pregnant to someone else but was coming back to our town to have the baby and live with her partner since then it hasn't stopped the texts the phone calls the constant ing about me when I haven't done anything we have argued on several occasions about this she has also turned up several times to see him if she sees his car there and not mine and lied to her partner about where she is with there 6 month old baby. My partner is quite an insecure person with being cheated on by her where as I haven't ever had anything happen like that. He wanted me to stop talking to my ex boyfriend but yet he was still regularly contacting her which obviously caused problems its not one rule for one and not the other. Eventually he had enough of me going on about why does he insist on the contact when all she did was hurt him etc so he put a block on her number so he couldn't receive her texts. This lasted for two months in that two months she withheld the number an rang him he told her he was getting married next year etc and she was not impressed to say the least. He then has raised the question would I not be happy if she came to the wedding or to the night do my response was not kind to even suggest such a thing means he still wants the contact but I can't with my ex. He went to work away on Sunday he came back this morning showed me something on his phone and I came across the block he had put on her number he has deleted it while he was away. What's that all about everything was going fine I was happy he was doing what he said and I was no contact with ex's because neither of us like it now the minute my backs turned it all goes out the window. I can't be doing with all the lying and craftiness with this why can't he just do what he's asked me to do and play fair. How can we get married if he lies about this. Am I being ridiculous I'm getting very worried about trusting him why is he doing this??

There is a double standard going on that needs to be resolved, before marriage. He is still attached in some way, and maybe you need to let him work this out for himself, as it's obvious, he hasn't let go of the past.
Is this a preview of marriage to him? YES, unless he makes some changes.

Its also a fair warning to you!

When ever they talk it always seems to be that they are trying to out do each other with their lives its always well I've done this so the other says yeah well I've done this is always competition between them. His mother has always kept in touch with her especially since she came back to our town because she says is brought her up a my own from being at school because her mother wasn't all that bothered. When she moved into my boyfriends family home at 14 that's when they got together but throughout she lied and cheated to his parents as well. They split up for a short while he went off to do a course in another city but the ex continued to stay with his parents then in the meantime lied about being raped and all sorts of things. His mother has said to me I know I should let go of the past but I can't as I brought her up a my own no matter what she's done to us I consider her a my little girl. I had a chat with his mother a while ago and said a few home truths for example what happened when she went to cardiff you hardly ever heard anything from her and even down to her being on myspace her profile is all about her and her mum and her boyfriend and baby I said how come then you don't feature on this at all there is no mention of you on there. She got a bit upset she had no idea. She told me that a couple of weeks ago the ex came round to see her and she said I was not myself with her I was quite cold and I think she noticed. She says I will gradually try and with draw from her . His grandparents and other family members say she's nothing but a cheat and a liar why do you insist on the contact still. It's the same with my boyfriend no one can understand the attraction with wanting to hang on to a person so dishonest. Do you think over time it will evaporate into nothing as it is doing compared to when we started going out there isn't much contact now like before he said to me when we got engaged a few months ago this is a turning point now I am not interested in her yes I have kept in touch but that's because we ended up as friends for the last few years and were there for each other he says I don't love her I have had 8 years with her and being young we have grown up together its not that easy to just not talk or have any contact but he said I have stopped it all yes there may be the odd text or call but nothing init I'm not going to fall out with her I've known her since school there's no need to be horrible and ignore her completely. He said I'm in love with you not her. I said she doesn't want you to move on she doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to either that's why she's nasty about me. He said that's because I never treated her like I treat you and when I tell her where we've been or what we've been doing she instantly starts getting nasty says he's under the thumb I've got him wrapped round my finger truth is she used to have him like that and now she can't pull his strings anymore. Do you think it will fade out is he doing what he said and gradually pulling away without falling out.?

If you talk the way you write I feel sorry for the guy...